Our 4th Baby

As I sit here writing this it honestly doesn’t feel real. It all happened so fast that I forget in this busy season of life that we just suffered this tragic loss recently. Let me take you back to two months ago right before Thanksgiving & to a few weeks before we moved to Michigan. I was shopping in TJ Maxx & I got a huge dizzy spell. Odd. Well, not so odd when you are pregnant, but I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. Mr. LMB was with me, but I didn’t say anything because I thought maybe it could be due to too much coffee or that I just needed a snack. I couldn’t be pregnant right, I mean it was nearly impossible right? When we got home from shopping that night I decided to just take a pregnancy test to make sure that I wasn’t with child. I mean we were moving in two weeks, & Mr. LMB was about to get out of the military, surely I couldn’t be pregnant. Well, within seconds of taking the test I got a big fat positive. With the other three babies I jumped up and down when I got that positive, but this time it was different. Was it the fact that I was scared to death because of all the big changes coming & then this was added on top of that? Or was it the fact that our last three babies had gone to heaven so soon & I wondered if our fourth beautiful baby would be here on earth longer with us. It’s hard to tell, but one thing I do know is when I told Mr. LMB that night we were both silent, we were both scared, & we were both on our knees praying that God would work his will in our lives whatever that may be. But overall as always we were thankful & we were happy that God had blessed us with our 4th baby. 

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Fast forward a week to our first appointment. Our little baby was 5 weeks & some odd days in my belly & strangely I wasn’t nervous for our first ultrasound. I knew in advance we wouldn’t see much & that this day wasn’t going to define our 4th babies future. As I lay on the bed as the doctor performed my ultrasound we saw a tiny little bean inside me. It wasn’t much of anything, but it was right on track for what a 5 week ultrasound should look like. We left the office with some ultrasound photos & I stared at them the whole way home. Was this baby going to grace our presence in July of 2015? Was this going to be our miracle baby? I was still so nervous about how much our lives were going to change, but staring at that tiny blob somehow made it all worth it. Like the changes were nothing compared to that beautiful little blob. I was thankful for that little blob.

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Two weeks later I was nervous. I was so so nervous. It was time for our second ultrasound & I knew this one would tell us more. This one would let us know if the pregnancy was a healthy one & if this baby was growing as it should be. I lay on the table almost shaking when the doctor finally came in. I prayed for our sweet baby & I prayed that I would be able to carry this little nugget for 9 months. I prayed we would see a heartbeat. As soon as the ultrasound was on the screen, I knew it didn’t look good. Well, I lied, at first it looked like we were having twins, but after few seconds I saw that the once perfectly round blob now looked deflated & we later learned the blob next to our baby was not a good sign. Tears. Instant tears. Jose, the doctor, & the nurse immediately embraced me. The stares from the doctor and the nurse instantly told me that they wanted to say something, but they couldn’t find the words. There are no words. We lost our 4th baby.

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The days after the loss of our 4th child are a blur. It was the week before our big move from North Carolina to Michigan & I thank God everyday of the timing of that miscarriage. That might seem like a crazy statement, but keep reading. If you followed me at that time I hinted at something happening, I hinted life was crazy, but I couldn’t begin to tell you how crazy it really was. I chose, as I did the other three times, to have the baby naturally & not have any surgery performed. God gave me the gift of having no pain while passing the baby & he blessed me with amazing friends & family during this time who brought us food, came over to keep me company, & who genuinely cared from near & far. The day after we found out that our little baby had stopped developing I got thrown into real life again. There was no break & time to lay in bed this time. I was decorating our historic rental for Christmas & photographing it for some jobs, I had lots of blog posts due, emails to return, I had to prepare the whole house to get packed up, get ready to move, endless errands & projects, say goodbye to our little city, say goodbye to our military family, say farewell to friends, & all while enjoying in & taking in every last minute of our time there. Looking back now I can’t believe we did all of that while dealing with such a great loss, but like I said I’m thankful for that busy time because I had no time to be sad or wonder why this happened again. No time to dwell, but only time to pray & pick myself up off the ground & keep going.

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I’m not sure if it’s because I have gone through losing a child 4 times now, or if it’s because I’m becoming stronger, but healing from this loss has been well, easy. Please don’t think that means I didn’t love that baby. I loved that baby more than this world & would have given anything to have that sweet child here with us now snuggling in bed with us, but I am at peace. I am at peace knowing this whole journey of ours including our 4 babies is in God’s hands. He is in control & as soon as I learned that there was no depression over losing our children too soon, but there was plenty of peace & hope. It gets easier because I know I’m not alone & it get’s easier because I have learned that life is beautiful no matter what season you are in, no matter what you are going through, & I’ve learned we need to not wish these days away because we will wish we had enjoyed these days more. I’m not wishing these quiet, long, thrilling days away with my love because I know I will long for these honeymoon days back later in life. I’m thankful for this lesson from God to be content & in the moment. I’m thankful that because of our loss the good days feel so much sweeter.

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So, how are we doing now 2 months after losing our 4th baby? If I would have to explain it in one word I would say, content. Some might not understand this, but I have never laughed as much or been so content & happy than these past two months with Mr. LMB here in Michigan during our time off. The move to Michigan has been a wonderful thing. I thought when we moved from North Carolina to Michigan I was going to lose myself. I thought it would be hard on Jose & I. I was scared of the changes & couldn’t imagine that we would love living in Grand Rapids as much as we did in NewBern. I was scared that we would be moving on a bad note with the big loss we had just endured, but in the end I was so wrong about it all. The move to Michigan was the best thing that could have happened to us. Being around family & friends has been a gift from God, we have both expanded our jobs & are building on our dreams together, our new home is cozy & is slowly becoming a dream house for us. Life is happy here. God has unfolded so many things for us here that it’s honestly heart wrenching at times to see Him working in our lives & to know how much He loves & cares for us through all of these blessings he keeps handing us. I have cried happy tears more than once while sitting in our house just overwhelmed with thankfulness for this season in our lives. We do miss that wonderful storybook town that we left, & a piece of our hearts will always be there, but the fresh start here has been a huge blessing. & I do miss that little city where we got to spend very little time with our 4 babies in & I know I will never forget those short beautiful weeks of carrying them inside me. Every day gets better here & I’m thankful for the peace God has blessed us with. I know God’s timing is perfect & looking back at the past two months I see His timing is perfect & it has made me [us] content.

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I’m sorry if this was a jumbled post. I maybe should have shared our loss sooner so my thoughts might have been more organized, but I didn’t want to share such a sad thing around the holidays because we were truly happy even though we had just gone through that & I didn’t want to spread sadness when it wasn’t needed. I know I talked a lot about how I feel today & not about Mr. LMB, but it’s such a personal thing that I can’t always share how he feels. I will be doing a post soon on how we help each other through miscarriages in hopes that it helps other couples as well, but for now, here are my random thoughts after losing our 4th beautiful baby & I pray that if you are going through miscarriage that you know you are not alone. You are not broken. You are beautiful. It will get better. Your baby is in a beautiful safe place. God is watching over you. You will get better & you will get stronger! I pray that you have peace & understanding & that you truly know how blessed you are. I wish I could hug you all. You can read about our 1st baby [here], & our second & third babies [here]. Thank you for reading this & for always being so supportive of us on our journey! If you have any questions, leave them below & I will try my best to answer them all in a blog post soon. & as always feel free to follow me on Instagram & Facebook for more daily updates on my life. Also, feel free to share this with someone going through something whether it’s a miscarriage or just a hard time if you feel like it can help in some way. xx

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A special thank you to Rach Lea Photography, my bestie, for these photos of Mr. LMB & I. I was pregnant with baby #4 here & I’m thankful for this frozen moment in time where we were enjoying that child of God who was making me oh so tired & oh so sick at the time. It was such a blessing that she visited us in NewBern right before we moved & that she snapped these quick photos for us to remember this moment by. & I wouldn’t be mad if my Michigan friends would book her soon so she can have an excuse to come visit me. Hint hint.

The sweater & jacket that I’m wearing are both from She Inside one of my favorite places to order clothes from. I have been ordering clothes fro a while from them, but they were so kind to send me these as a gift. I wear them almost daily & they have made my heart happy & have kept me warm in this Michigan weather of course.

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Read more about our fertility issues {here}. 

Life after miscarriage - Inspiration that you are not alone in your miscarriage.

98 thoughts on “Our 4th Baby

  1. Cheyene

    You are such an inspiration. It has been almost two years since my husband and I first found out we were pregnant with our first son. We lost him that summer. I chose to deliver him still born. I think I’ve been at peace since his birthday this past year… My husband on the other hand still seems to be struggling with the loss and having another child. I know it is very personal, but I look forward to hearing about how you help each other in such hard moments.

    1. LizMarie Post author

      I am so sorry for your loss Cheyene! I am so so so so sorry, & I hate that this happens. I am so happy that you are healing & I get that everyone heals differently. I am already getting that post ready to share because I know it’s so important, but not always talked about. Thank you for sharing with me.. & I’ll be praying for you when I go to sleep tonight. xx hugs!

      1. Cheyene

        I am deeply sorry for all of your losses as well. I have been following your posts about your losses and I can honestly say you’re stronger than I could ever imagine being. It amazes me you continue to grow in your faith with the lord. THANK YOU so much for sharing with the WORLD in your Journey. I am still overseas and its almost frowned upon in the military to talk about such loss.. So I am very grateful you are able to be a voice for this community.
        XO-Cheyene

  2. Lisa Carden

    Oh honey, I am so sorry … You Amaze me!!! I thought you inspired me before … However you continue to inspire me more and more with each blog post… May God continue to lighten your heart and bless you and your loved ones… Thank you for being you!!! You are Precious!!! XOXOX

    1. LizMarie Post author

      Thank you Lisa for your kind words… it really means a lot. I feel like God called me to share this journey & though it’s not always easy, I feel like it’s right. Thank you again.. your comment means so much to me & truly warms my heart. <3 xx

  3. Paige.Rose

    My heart hurts for you! Just believe that everything god has planned is the right way. I hope one day to meet up with you & the other MI bloggers :))) Until then I hope you find some healing & comfort in your amazing decorating , husband & the simple things in life! You’re in my thoughts !

    Paige.Rose

  4. Colleen Pastoor

    I’m so sorry for your loss! I started following your blog because I love your style and your simple DIYs but reading your posts over the past year about loss and infertility have made me fall in love with you as a person- you’re so strong! I think you’re really brave to share your hurt and healing with the world. So grateful to hear that you’re doing well.

  5. Taryn @ Design, Dining + Diapers

    Liz, I just love you and your raw emotion and how honest you are. My heart hurts so deeply for you and Jose and the 4 loses you have had to endure. You are so strong and your strength is inspiring. I’m always thinking and praying for you and your journey. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this again. But you are right, God does have a plan.

  6. Lily Bermudez

    Hello. I have been following you for about a month now. I found you on pinterest. I just wanted to tell you that your stories of loss sound very similar to the ones I went through. I now have a baby boy who will be turning one next month. It seems like so long ago when I was searching the internet looking for stories of women who were going through the same thing as me. I have been in similar situations and all I can tell you is keep your Faith strong…you seem like you are a lot stronger than I was. You are very admirable.

  7. Edith Rodriguez

    Since I started reading your blog, I’ve been waiting for the happy news that you are pregnant. I’m sad for your loss but am glad that in the midst of it all you have found strength and joy. I’ve struggled with infertility for years now and went through a loss 9 months ago. It’s a tough thing to face but only God knows why things happen a certain way. Keep that strong and positive attitude. I can’t wait to see pictures of your baby that will come in the future. 🙂 blessings….

  8. Hannah S

    Thank you for writing a post like this. I have not had to go through such tragedy but reading about your strength and positive outlook on life makes me feel a little stronger to get through my very normal average day and be grateful for what I do have.
    Thank you!
    http://www.southernfolly.com

  9. Danielle

    Oh, Liz, I wish I could give you a big hug. I can only imagine how hard it was to lose a 4th baby. Thinking of you and praying for you. I know your story will help so many people out there. x

  10. ashley

    I’m sorry for your loss but so happy for your faith. You are a strong and inspirational woman. Thank you for so candidly sharing you experience and your positive attitude. God has blessed your little family in so many ways and he will continue to do so, I just know it.

    Ashley
    Blessedmess.ca

  11. Donna Smith

    I am so sorry , I have been there and as you know God is there with you ! I am so praying for you both!

  12. Soiledrotten

    So beautifully stated. I went thought infertility treatments for five years. An exhausting, draining, and sad five years. After accepting the unexpected, I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl who is now 3 months old. Our miracle.
    Please do not give up. Continue your journey enjoying God’s plan for you and your husband. It will happen when the timing is just right
    Xo
    Alison

  13. Baileywife @Irishman Acres

    Liz, I know this may sound REAL WEIRD and I may sound like a crazy person, but I felt that this had happened… I somehow knew that you were going through this! But what’s even weirder, I also dreamt one night around Christmas of you, and you were a boy mom! In the dream it was you with 2 little boys with dark hair…. Please don’t think I’m crazy, I almost emailed you back then but didn’t feel right about it.
    I know God has great things planned for you, as he did me after losing 2 of my daughters halfway through my pregnancy with them!? No medical explanation, but God knows why, and I’m at peace with that. (and I have 4 healthy children now).
    I love watching miracles every day! And you are very blessed indeed! ~Kim

  14. Emmy @septemmyy

    I am still only a kid so there isn’t a way I can relate to this post but I couldn’t stop reading. Even though it is a sad thing to happen you created such a wonderful thing out of it and I have so much admiration for you! So inspiring, thank you for sharing.

  15. Dawn

    I am so very sorry for your all of your losses. My story is similar to yours. I am a military wife, my husband is now retired, and I too lost four babies. My story has a beautiful ending though as I know yours will someday too. After another military move I conceived baby number five. We had just started looking into adoption but my husband wasn’t ready to go that route. I didn’t panic but remained wary of letting myself feel too much joy. I had a healthy, uneventful pregnancy and we are now the proud parents of a nearly 8 year-old- boy! At the point you are now, I wasn’t sure what the future held but I have been so richly rewarded. I wish you and your husband all the best and know that miracles happen every day!

  16. Lizzie

    I’m so sorry Liz, I cannot express how my heart breaks for you and your husband! I’m in week 3 of my first miscarriage and your post have helped me tremendously. I couldn’t imagine going through this 4 times over, but please don’t give up and know God has a wonderful plan in store for you.

  17. Ashlynn Schruff

    You (& Mr. LMB) are amazing! Your courage and strength is inspiring! I’m so sorry for your loss & I will certainly pray for your continued healing. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, because I am sure it has helped so many others that are going through the same season of life! God bless!

  18. Karil

    You are an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am so sorry for all you have gone through but also so thankful for who You have become because of it. You are truly an inspiration of grace and love that can only be created by God. That encourages me in my dark days that I can have hope and joy too. Thank you.

  19. Kylie

    I’m so sorry for your loss…the pain of losing one child is horrible, but 4! You are a very strong woman and I hope God will bless you with a rainbow. I’ve gone through 2 m/c’s after 7 years of infertility. Again, so sorry for your loss and may God bless you in 2015. ♡

  20. Karen @ The Decorated Nest

    Oh Liz, I am so very sorry that you and your husband had to suffer this again. But I am so happy that you have reached a place of peace and trust that God’s plan is much bigger than our simple imaginings. Praying for you, your husband and your sweet babies.
    Karen

  21. Vashti

    I am sorry for your loss. I am right there with you, but actually getting pregnant is my struggle. I can fight the battle of not becoming pregnant, but I am not sure how I could handle the loss of a baby. My first loss was tough and I feel like I have dealt with it, but to do that 3 more times I am not sure I could. I commend you and I completely understand how you had to move right along with it especially after three previous times. I am in awe of you. I am praying for all of us woman who desperately want children in our lives.

    Vashti
    http://www.herestotakingchances.com

  22. Christie

    It is so great that you share your story to help others. I know it’s difficult to understand why things happen like this, especially to good people. My mother recently reminded me of how an oyster forms a pearl. God is using these events to turn you into an awesome, beautiful pearl. It is my prayer that God will give you the desires of your heart one day, and then you’ll have an even better testimony. Thanks for sharing your story and revealing your true self to your readers. That’s why we keep coming back for more!

  23. Goldengirls59

    So sorry to hear but you are so brave to be sharing. So happy to hear you have settled into your new home so well. Only God can do that. I too have suffered through 4 miscarriages. I know God has a special plan for you both. Keep trusting Him!

  24. Emily

    You are such a strong and beautiful woman. This story, as your others, brought me to tears. I wish you continued peace and strength, and happiness. And remember, as I try to remind myself, God knows the desires of our heart.

  25. Sarah @ The Ugly Duckling House

    Virtual hugs, Liz. Sorry for your loss. Never feel the need to apologize for sharing these stories, however much time passes between it & you sharing. The important thing to remember is that being brave enough to tell them may help bring peace and understanding to someone else struggling with their own loss. You’re in my prayers.

  26. karra tipton

    You’re so strong! I’ll keep you in our prayers, and you’re so right about God’s timing. Your story is so inspirational and I love the realness in each post. You’ll make a great momma one day!

  27. Gigi Harlan

    I am sorry to hear about the loss of all of your babies. Yes, they are in heaven and they know they were loved. You are such an inspiration to us all to leave everything in God’s hands and trust in his love. Hugs : )

  28. Amber

    Tears come as I read your story. I so admire your strength and faith during this time, it’s not an easy place to be when you’ve experienced such great loss. Sending prayers your way!

  29. abby hummel

    liz, i keep up with your blog for fabulous decor/diy inspiration, but also because we have the military/michigan/miscarriage connection … and my heart just sank when i saw the title. i just knew what it meant. my fourth baby is sleeping soundly in her pack-n-play right now, but there are three babies we lost who came before her and i am so, so very sorry for the loss of another baby. be gentle with yourself. you are a good mama to your babies!

  30. Lauren

    It’s rare, practically non-existent, that I ever comment on blogs. Especially blogs I don’t follow. But I had to write to you. I had to tell you that I experienced something similar, at almost the exact same time. Though my miscarriage, and the loss of the very first Baby Sal, was called a “missed miscarriage”. Where I had been pregnant for nearly 13 weeks, but the baby stopped growing around 9.5 weeks. I found out at an ultrasound on 1/2, and hemorrhaged on 1/3. I spent the better part of 8 hours in the hospital, and finally went home, no longer pregnant. Devastation and anger consumed me, but with the support of my friends, I’ve been able to manage the grief. You’re incredibly strong for sharing your story. I thank you, from the bottom of my heat.

  31. Amanda

    Liz, my heart is broken for you both. I know all too well the mixed emotions that come with being an Angel Baby Mom. I have six angel babies that I am looking forward to seeing again some day and it just makes Heaven seem that much sweeter. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You have been such an inspiration to me and a beautiful person inside and out that I have enjoyed getting to know through your blog. I have said prayers for you both and will continue to keep you both in my prayers for God’s will to be done in your lives. With love, hugs and prayers. ~ Amanda

  32. Nikki

    Liz, thank you for sharing your story! I cried the whole way through. I have a 14 year old daughter (from a previous relationship, not from my husband). When I married her step-father 11 years ago, I wanted to get pregnant again right away, but that has not been God’s plan for us. I lost my third baby May 1st at 14 weeks, even though baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks. I kept thinking that I had done something wrong: maybe it was my age (37), I should not have lifted that heavy object, I wasn’t taking the right kind of prenatal vitamins…etc. etc. Reading your honest posts have given me great comfort. Your positive outlook and your faith in God’s plan for you is inspiring. To know that I am not the only one going through this and that there are others like me, it helps so much to know that I am not alone. So thank you. Thank you for helping your fellow baby mommies who are struggling with the “why did this happen to me” by sharing your loss and your hopes as well, with us. You are a blessing!

  33. Debbie

    I thank God for you and your voice. Thank you for sharing your feelings so that others may learn from your experiences. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant but have had no luck in 6 months so far and although I haven’t been through a miscarriage, I know the pain of wanting a baby and not having it happen. Thank God for his impeccable timing and continue to trust in it and Him. You are a blessing to each of us!!!!!!!

  34. Jenna

    I’m so sorry for your lose but thank you for sharing this. My husband and I have been trying for 2 years now to conceive and I go through sad days and happy days. This month has been pretty hard and your words brought me some peace. I just have to remember its in the Lords hands and he knows what he’s doing.

  35. Sarah

    I have been reading your blog for a while now and this post made me feel the loss as if you were a friend of mine. Your strength is so inspiring to so many! I struggle to find the words I wanted to write but thank you for sharing this. Your faith and positive outlook is encouraging.

  36. Kimberly Croonquist

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. My husband and I thought that I was pregnant back in 2008 only to find out that what we thought was a baby was actually a tumor. I had Ovarian Cancer. I am a 6 year survivor as of September of 2014, but unfortunately a total Hysterectomy had to be done when they took the tumor followed by about 7 months of double chemo treatments. (What fun they can be!)
    As hard as all that was to process, I thank God every single day for my wonderful husband and (step)son.
    Your faith is amazing and beautiful and I pray that life only gets better and better for you. Thank you so much for sharing your inspirational story.

    1. Cindy Blevins

      Kim and Liz
      You are a rock stars, as are many others who go through such things. I have friends who still don’t understand that faith and a relationship with God really is not about where you go to church but is about your walk with Him, with bumps and warts and setbacks but with glorious joys and laughter amidst tears. So grateful that you both shared as well as the other many women who sometimes suffer silently because they are not able to share. This world is not all there is and as a cancer “survivor” myself I will say perspective is a glorious thing. Hugs to you all and love. Cindy

  37. Patty

    Sorry is the only word I have right now….unless you count admiration, which I soooo have for you. You are a special special person and I feel honored to ….know…..you.

  38. Jaime

    Wow, I’m amazed, encouraged, inspired by your faith. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your husband, and I hope that you are comforted by the knowledge that your sweet babies are in the arms of Jesus.

  39. Jamie

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss, Liz. Opening up and sharing your grief, heartache and true feelings will only help others and I’m sure that’s partly why you are feeling at peace, knowing that you have so many loved ones loving you, near and far, like you said. I’m one of them!
    Big hugs,
    Jamie

  40. connie

    So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with us. You are a brave lady. Me, not so much. I am 64 and have one grown son. He came first after many years of testing and trying. We wanted more but after two miscarriages, we decided that we could not take another loss. It still haunts me at times all these years later. I often think of those two dear ones who are not with us. But we made ourselves content with our sweet boy and fantastic man he is now. He and his wife are now struggling with infertility. They are always in my prayers as you will now be too. may God richly bless you.

  41. Debra

    Liz I am so sorry for your fourth loss. You are a very brave person to open up and share your grief and heartache. I don’t know the heartache of a miscarriage but do know the heartache of infertility. I went through three workup’s only to be told that we were in the 1 percent that there was no explanation why we couldn’t get pregnant, But like you I finally decided that it was in God’s hands and if it was meant to be we would, but it never was. I am glad you have found peace and I will pray that God will bless you with a child soon.

  42. Kally

    What a beautiful post. Thank you for your honesty and your beautiful words about that sweet baby. I suffered a miscarriage this summer, after having 3 amazing little boys, and didn’t think it would affect me nearly the way it has. As friends and family have had their babies, I’ve continued to grieve for the child I lost. This post brought such peace to me. I know that our Heavenly Father is wrapping his arms around your sweet babies and mine as well, that they were so special he simply couldn’t send them here to endure any hardship. Best wishes to you and your husband. I hope 2015 brings you blessings beyond measure!

  43. Kelsey

    Liz you are so beautiful inside and out! I am so sorry for your loss and although I know no matter how many times it happens it doesn’t get much easier you are a champ for handling it so well. I hate that we as moms and women aren’t given more time to grieve during these times but I think it is almost better to have things that keep us busy and keep our minds from wondering. Sending my love and prayers to you and your husband.

  44. Mei-Ling

    John 13:7 – Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.”

  45. Sassa

    Hello Liz,
    I write from Germany and I’m so sorry for your new loss, but also very impressed by the way of going through with your faith. Unbelievable!
    What I want to write to you, is an information, that there is a blood mutation called Factor V Leiden, which is not very dangerous, but can force miscarriage. The mutation is not so well known, although it was find out, that rather 10 % suffer from it. My daughter Jana ( 26 ) got it from my husband and wants to get pregnant in a year or so, was told by her gynecologist, that the higher risk can be minimized by medicine. The doctor also told us, that a friend of her, gynecologist also, had 6 miscarriages when her actually healthy Dad died suddenly. They found out that it was from a thrombosis and the reason was Factor V Leiden mutation. Then somebody got the connection ( even SHE didn’t know about it ) and to short the story, next pregnancy was fine and blessed with a healthy boy. Probably your doctors checked this, it’s just a blood test, but if not, perhaps it could be helpful. And if you’re right, HE made me ordering your blog :-). I hope that there will be good news from you soon, love, Sassa
    http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/factor-v-leiden/basics/complications/con-20032637

  46. Jacky

    Thank you for sharing your touching story! You are a very strong woman and have a wonderful faith in our God. Our military families are awesome. My husband is retired Air Force. We have left many friends around the world and are now home with our families. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Thank you and blessings to you.

  47. Alexis

    You are so strong! Thank you for being such an inspiration!! I miscarried our first child just before New Years and God has given me so much peace through it all, although there are still some extremely tough times. It hit us harder than I could ever imagine and I am still sorting through things, but your blog posts help so much! It is very hard going through such a difficult situation, and I sometimes feel alone through it all. Thank you for showing me I am not alone, and with God’s grace, we will be more than okay. Thank you!!

  48. Ashley

    Thank you so much for sharing. We just recently miscarried our first child in December and it has been really hard. But I am so thankful that I can experience God’s peace and strength because it’s all I have at times. I love hearing other girls stories because I so often felt alone and as if nobody around me understood the loss I went through. I’ve learned a lot about grief and that storms like these can really pull you away from your spouse or draw you together. I’m so thankful it has drawn is together but there are moments that it felt like it was pulling us apart as we struggled to understand that we just grieve differently and that’s okay. I am still scared about future pregnancies and I’m not sure if that will ever go away. Thanks again for sharing. It means a lot to those who have recently gone through the same thing. It makes us feel like we aren’t in it alone.

  49. judith h.

    Thank you for sharing this story of yourself. Though very sad, it is an inspiring story of a strong, wise and courageous woman. It is the story of a Godly woman who accepts His will and does so without question for she knows He cares for her and her child. This woman is to be admired and cherished for the children she mothers and the 4 she has let go to be in a better place and she should be held up because in the midst of such loss, she allowed her life to continue knowing that her husband and children needed her so much in their everyday lives. I shed a few tears as I read this story, but in the end felt quite triumphant at the spirit of this woman!
    God Bless You

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  51. Gilly @ Colour Saturated Life

    You are so incredibly brave to share your story here Liz…when I first stumbled upon your blog what caught me was how you wear your heart on your sleeve and how wonderfully happy you are with your life regardless of all the pain and loss you endure. I pray one day you will not only hold your baby in your heart but in your arms and see them grow into an incredible person. Blessings xo

  52. Diana Janssen

    Dear Liz,

    I was very shocked that you have experienced this 4th miscarriage…but so brave and strong how your faith in God has given you strength to carry on. You encourage so many more couples who are in the same position as you both. I like your website and you are so honest with your feelings you are so sincere…you are more than a blogger you are real! It is good to encourage each other and that we can respond to your stories. Keep on doing this and herewith you can encourage so many women with the same experiences. Fortunately we follow the same God we trust in…He knows our struggles, pain and questions but we can left them in His Hands..He is our provider…and believe that He can do miracles! read about Hannah and Sara..He will do the same for you both!

  53. Kate

    Dear Liz,
    I was reading the post with a big hope that this time the end will be happy. I’m so sorry it wasn’t. And I admire you for how huge your Faith is. Frankly speaking, as I keep watching your blog for many months now, you are not only my inspiration for life, but also the biggest testimony of God I have ever met in my life. Thank you and good luck.

  54. Jane P

    my heart stopped beating reading your story. You’re an inspiration for all of us and I thank-you for sharing. Being content in ones life is truly a blessing.

  55. Corinne Guynes

    I am so so sorry for your loss. I seriously admire your strength while going through something like this. I had a miscarriage almost two years ago, but still think about it all the time. I still have all the ultrasound pictures and when I look at them, I remind myself that God loved that baby more than I ever could have. It brought me to such a deeper relationship with God, and I thank him for that. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. I feel like when women go through something like this it can be such a “hush hush” situation. Thank you for telling your story. You are truely a inspiration.

  56. Patty Page

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Liz. God is so good to grow us through hard seasons and I’m so thankful God is giving you peace & contentment at this time.

  57. Deborah

    I am so sorry for your loss. You are an inspiration for so many women who have suffered miscarriage. I am truly blessed to never have experienced that loss. My prayer is that someday soon God will bless you with a little someone to raise in your Godly home.

    Welcome back to Michigan. I’ve lived near Alpena most of my life and my daughter is currently in Kalamazoo. It is definitely a climate change from North Carolina!

    Blessings,
    Deborah

  58. Lisa Pacello

    Well, well, well. As everyone has written above “I know thins sounds strange” but i want to say I am sorry and you are such a beautiful woman. What you write and how you write is so touching. Suffering makes us pay attention to our personal authority. To find out what is true about and for us and to live out those truths. We need the courage to live out those truths. You are such a gift from God to us!!!!! Thanks you for the tears I cried reading your story and for sharing your experience with such faith and honesty, and for living out your truth!!!!!!!!!

  59. Jill Flory

    Liz I am so very sorry. And so very inspired by your deep faith and contentment. When I saw your blog post Title I just knew what you were going to say – and as I read I wept inside and asked God why? And I’m praying that God will continue to carry you and give you comfort and peace – and that someday it will be His will that you will carry a baby full term and experience the wonder of the birth of a full-term baby. You will make a wonderful Mom to kids in all their stages and ages!

  60. Ashlee

    I am so sorry to hear of the heartache you and your husband have experienced. Through it all the Lord is SO good. Its incredible to hear your testimony and the lives in which you have been able to impact through it all. I felt the Lord nudge me to tell you that I’ve been dealing with pain in my back and a few other issues for many years now. I made an appointment to get it checked out at a place called Maximized Living. I’m not sure if you have heard of it or not, but you’re the first person that popped into my mind when I heard some of the patient testimonies. Two ladies in particular had had miscarriage after miscarriage. After being told by doctors that they should look into adoption because getting pregnant and carrying a baby wasn’t going to happen, they decided to get their spines checked. After going through the program (getting adjustments, eating right, exercising, detox and stress management) both ladies were able to get pregnant and carry their babies full term. They each have beautiful little girls! Look into Maximized Living. Like I said, I had a nudge from the Lord to share about this with you!

  61. Jen

    I am so sorry for your loss Liz but I am that you have found contentment. I’ve been blessed with one child but lost three along the way in trying to have another. And then this summer we stopped trying and I finally felt it too. That contentment. That happiness that I didn’t know was missing from my life. Wishing you many happy days in your new home.

  62. Catherine Short

    I am so deeply sorry Liz. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over two years now and it’s a journey I never thought I would be on and don’t wish upon others. Yet, despite the challenges and tearful nights, I have grown so much as a person.

  63. Jenise @ diyfunideas.com

    I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve never experienced anything like that and I don’t have kids so I can’t imagine what it’s like to go through that. But I believe that as difficult as things may sometimes be, God is with us. And one day you will be with your beautiful babies.

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  65. Martha

    Dear Liz: Thank you for your transparency and honesty. It’s a beautiful story of how God works on us, conforming us to his image and sanctifying us through very large difficulties. He’s a mystery, isn’t he? But, his love for us is massive and he so lovingly carries us through hardship. I’m encouraged by your post. Thank you for sharing with us.

  66. Deb

    There is always hope!
    I, too, suffered 2 miscarriages. (in my 30’s) Life went on happily for 10 years without any sign of a child…now I am 41. All of a sudden…I am so tired I can’t stay up past 8pm…all I wanted to eat were bacon and egg Sammie’s and then the terrible heartburn! Then I noticed I hadn’t started yet and I was late…which was unusual. My 1st thought…
    Early menopause…LOL…I couldn’t be pregnant…I was 41 years old! Well…that was 18 years ago and there is this teenage boy running around my house who calls me Mom!
    So…never give up…you never know what God has in store for you.

  67. Rachael

    First and foremost, I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this four times. Following you is such a great reminder that the Lord is always faithful. I have almost the same exact story as you, although it was my first miscarriage. I prayed that everything would happen naturally and as soon as it did (which was so traumatic for me…Thank God for an amazing husband), I was overwhelmed with this peace that I couldn’t even explain to my husband. I knew that our time would come, but now wasn’t the time. I’ve never felt so close to God and read this verse shortly after I had the miscarriage that has really gotten me through the last few months. “Do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:6-7. You know what the hardest thing was for me? Seeing all the baby announcements on Facebook and Instagram over the holidays, announcing their July babies. I was sad because I felt like we should have been doing the same thing. But then I remembered everything we have and instead was thankful for a husband that adores me and so much more. Praying that your time comes soon, especially since your family is settled in Michigan now. I couldn’t think of a better place to bring a baby home to, but I’m a little bias, as I was born and raised in Michigan. I went to school at GVSU and have a special place in my heart for the mitten. We hope to make our way back some day, baby and all 🙂 Praying for strength, patience and grateful hearts as you continue to do life with your husband!

  68. Kendra @ www.joyinourhome.com

    I am so sorry for your loss, Liz! Reading this I had tears… I can’t imagine your own pain! Keep trusting Liz, joy comes in the morning!

  69. Jenn

    Oh Liz…I don’t even have words. Thank you for your transparency and your faith amidst such great loss. Your words have, no doubt, touched so many others.

  70. Heather

    Hi Liz,

    I read your blog last week and had tears in my eyes. I found myself reading and thinking how unfair life seems sometimes and I counted my own blessings as I was almost 8 weeks pregnant. This past weekend I knew something wasn’t right as I started spotting and yesterday I went to the doctor only to find out I had lost the baby. A beautiful baby that looked so perfect in the Ultrasound, but unable to see or hear it’s tiny heart. This is my first miscarriage and I am shocked, and devastated. As I begin the painful process of miscarrying, I am praying for peace. I came back to your blog today and reread it. I found myself full of tears this time, yet was comforted with the reminder that I am not alone or broken and I know my husband and I will move on from this. God’s plan is not always our plan, as difficult as that is. Thank you for your brave honesty of sharing and the comfort you provided.

  71. Maeg

    Liz,

    A family member of yours recommended your blog to me. I’m so glad they did! I love everything about it. The pictures are beautiful, it’s exciting to hear about your faith, and I love your creativity. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this story. I want to say that I hope you remain encouraged, but it looks like you already are. Please keep posting and sharing your heart.

    <3 Maeg

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  74. TJ

    Liz – I miscarried twice also. We were fortunate enough to already have our son, so we weren’t devastated, but we knew we wanted another child. I discovered that I was low on progesterone, so I went to a health food store and purchased some all-natural progesterone cream and used it for a few month before we “tried” again, so that my body could absorb the cream and adjust my hormone levels. When we tried again, I was pregnant the first try. That worked for me, and it may work for you too.

  75. I would amber

    I would first like to say I am so sorry for your losses, I’ve been in your shoes and it was so difficult. My husband and I had 5 miscarriages in a row over a two year period, but through the grace of God and a whole lot of prayers we are now parents of three beautiful healthy children. It wasn’t until I held my firstborn son in my arms that I understood why God had us endure all that pain. But it was because He was waiting to give us Gavin, without all the miscarriages i

  76. diana Keller-Cannon

    This was a beautiful blog post. My daughter and son n law lost their 1st baby a year ago, and are just now trying again. It was difficult for both of them, since they had waited for so long to try to have one. The clock is ticking for my daughter and she wants to get pregnant like now! She got pregnant very fast with the first one, but now that they are trying this one is taking longer. She wonders if it might be due to the medication they gave her for the termination of her last pregnancy. She had a tubal pregnancy so there was no way to save the baby.As a mother, it was so hard to watch her go through that but I am so proud that she has found the strength to try again. Again, thank you so much for this beautiful blog.

  77. Shannon

    Your post has no doubt brought tears to my eyes, and I’ve read it a few times already! I’m currently going through my second loss and I just wanted you to know how inspiring you are to me. I’ve been waking up everyday numb, without feeling, until I think of my babe and what could have been. Tears everywhere. But your words give me hope, and your beautiful relationship with your husband makes me so thankful for my own. Continue doing what you’re doing and being an inspiration to others. I’m praying for you and all other mommies out there who have suffered a loss.

  78. Melissa

    I myself also has lost 4 little ones. We have been trying now for 16 years. It never gets easier, you just learn how to deal with it as time goes by. Thankfully I married an amazing man that fills my days with laughter and love. God bless and good luck!

  79. hilary

    hi liz,

    i’m a new reader. i found your blog about half an hour ago, actually, and have been looking back at entries to ‘get to know’ you.

    what a journey you have been on! i have health problems that prevented us from ever trying naturally. i knew early on, so i accepted it before meeting my husband, but it was hard for him to deal with. i am now 16 weeks pregnant, via IVF, with a baby girl. i hope you can get your baby whatever way you see fit. i know this is unsolicited advice, but due to your miscarriages, if you do IVF, i would recommend genetic testing. most of our embryos would have been miscarriages and it saved us a bunch of heartache.

    i’ll be thinking of you!

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