Our 6th Baby

I honestly can’t believe I’m writing this post. It doesn’t seem real. & never in my life would I have thought that I would have 6 beautiful babies in heaven…

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A week ago today I went to the doctors to hear my beautiful babies heartbeat for the third time after hearing it twice & when the doctor turned on the ultrasound we didn’t hear the beautiful noise that we had heard in the weeks past. It’s little heart had stopped beating & we saw our babies tiny body on the ultrasound screen, but knew the Lord had called our tiny babies soul to heaven.

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We had gone through a lot for our 6th baby. We were at the fertility doctor two times a week for 10 weeks, Jose had to give me shots nightly which killed him to do because he couldn’t stand to see me in pain, I took countless pills a day, I was hormonal, I was tired, I was sick, I was scatterbrained, I was exhausted. Fertility treatments are no joke, honestly I felt worse doing them then I actually did when I got pregnant. I felt like no one around us understood or knew what I was going through, but looking back I would do it all over again because even these shorts days with my babies are worth it. And every child God has given me is a gift. Even though they have all been taken away from us so soon. They are a gift from God. I loved our babies for every second of their life, and I will love them for every second of my life. The day we found our we were pregnant we were excited, scared, nervous, & just knew that it was all in God’s hands. Our first ultrasound was amazing & we saw a tiny baby, a tiny heartbeat, & were even told it could be twins. We were just thankful in the moment for this beautiful gift of life.

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At 8 weeks pregnant I had a tiny little bump that showed me my body was already changing & carrying our precious 6th baby. That baby was totally worth the tears during the shots, the upset stomach, the anxiety, the exhaustion, the doctor appointments, the pills, & all of the emotions of being pregnant for the 6th time after 5 losses. That little life was worth all that and more. Our baby was the size of a raspberry & was just a precious brief moment in our lives that I will cherish along with those brief moments of our 5 others babies. We are thankful that our babies are with the Lord, their father in heaven.

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Those 8 weeks of knowing I had a child of God inside of me were scary to be honest. I will not pretend that I am a perfect person and didn’t have crippling fear that made me want to lie in bed all day or that I didn’t have thoughts of losing another baby. I think so many try to hide that because they feel terrible for feeling like that, but I think it’s normal. After 5 losses I think it’s natural to have fear, but prayer got me through it. I prayed God would forgive me for my fear & that he would take it away from me & I prayed until it was gone. When it returned I started all over again. Fear is the lack of faith that God is in control. No, my pregnancy did not go how I would have planned. But my Father in heaven was in control & His plan is much greater than mine & for that I am thankful. He is in control. I repeat that when anxiety strikes until my faith returns. And to be honest during our miscarriages I struggle with staying on top of things, being myself, and frankly being social in general. It’s not because I am depressed, but more because my focus shifts on healing emotionally and physically & everything else takes a backseat. I am not perfect, and I hope that you never think that. I am not ashamed that I don’t stay on top of everything during loss, because I am human. Loss is hard no matter what it is & we all deal with it differently & in our own way. There is no perfect way to handle miscarriage, but calling on the Lord through those times of doubt is the perfect answer to the imperfect situation.

So What now? This may be too much information for some, but in my heart I feel like I need to share because someone out there is struggling and if this helps just one person then my baby went to heaven to help someone. Maybe to change someone else’s life besides mine. I am technically still pregnant with our 6th baby & that just makes me feel like I still haven’t said goodbye or fully mourned the loss of our child. We have had all 5 of our other babies naturally at home and without surgery. We feel like that is what’s best for me & so do our doctors. Our current doctor has not wanted to induce me quite yet like all the other times because he feels it’s the best route, and God has not allowed me to have the baby yet. This has never happened. I’ve never been forced to carry our child after we found out it had gone to be with the Lord. It’s a whole new level of healing and just not knowing what’s next. I’m sitting here typing this knowing that our child is lifeless inside of me & it’s a reminder of the short life of our baby. I’m From here on out we were referred to a high risk pregnancy specialist in the area that will hopefully be able to help us more. Over the past 3 years we have taken countless tests including getting our chromosomes tested & everything has come back normal. The only thing that has been determined is that I have PCOS [read more about my journey with that here] So from here on out we continue our fertility and miscarriage journey with our heads high, our hearts full of love, and our mind and bodies filled with faith & hope. We pray that we may get answers as to why we keep miscarrying, we pray that the Lord leads us to do His will here on earth, we pray that we stay positive like we are, & we pray that we can grow our little family when the timing is right.

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We live such a beautiful life & I don’t want to take any of it for granted. We truly have more than we could have ever asked for & God has truly given us more than we ever deserve & we are fully aware of that. I hope this post doesn’t upset you or make you feel like we are not happy with our lives, grateful for our daily gifts and our abundant blessings, or depressed that we do not have a child here on earth. I feel like when I tell people we miscarried they feel worse than we do, and it makes me not want to share because I don’t want anyone to feel bad for us or to feel like we are broken. Through all of our losses we grow closer to God, closer together, and gain more perspective and joy for life. I feel like if I had never gone through this journey I would be blind to true joy, true happiness, & the deep love for life because I know how fragile it really is. We pray someday God gives us a child here on earth, but until then we are content & live each day to the fullest. We know that a child will change our lives dramatically so until then we enjoy each other fully each day, enjoy our happy busy life, & take full advantage of our time together because we don’t want to ever regret waisting these years being sad or only thinking about having children because we know that isn’t a quality way to live. Know we are sad about our loss & wish that we could have held our baby, but have peace in our hearts that our babies are in a place far greater than this earth & that we will see them someday and they will all come running in my arms. I will have one full lap of children one day & that makes my heart smile. I can’t make this stuff up, I didn’t tell Jose what I was writing about tonight because I just started typing my heart out and didn’t really think much of it. He just leaned over, kissed me, & said “we have the greatest life ever.” How can I be sad or not look at all my blessings? How can I not trust that God is in control? It’s not my will, but His. My joy comes from the Lord, my heart is full, and I am fully aware of Gods presence in our lives & that He is blessing us beyond belief daily. Daily beautiful reminders like that are just one of the simple gifts from God I am thankful for. I don’t doubt that for a second. I am thankful for God’s gifts, God’s plans, & God’s promises because they are far better than I could ever imagine. I could go on.. But my point is this.. If you are experiencing loss of any kind not just miscarriage or going through something hard because we all do,  focus on God’s rich blessings in your life, ask him for peace, pray for him to take away your anxiety, & lastly thank Him for every moment, even the struggles because those struggles are part of this beautiful journey here on earth.

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Funny little God moment: The day we left the doctor after we found out our 6th baby had gone to Heaven, Mr. LMB wanted to make our day awesome so he took me to all my favorite places, we shopped until we dropped, got massages, ate our favorite food, & just laughed and forgot about the loss for a day. Well, when we left the doctors we found this wall & were just struck with how God speaks to us in mysterious ways. We both just smiled & agreed. There are always setbacks, but God always provides. I stood in front of the wall 8 weeks pregnant & strong because I knew in my heart that God was by my side & so was my amazing husband. I will be back later when I have all my thoughts together & I’m not just typing everything on my mind. I will share more of our journey, more about what we have been through, more about our doctors, and if you have any questions or any posts you want me to do ask your questions below. We will be glad to answer any of them. It’s a hard thing to talk about, but if our babies can help people, we feel like their purpose here on earth was far greater than we could have imagined. Thank you for all of your love and support on our journey.. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts & your prayers mean so much to us. & remember to be kind to everyone because you do not know what kind of battles they are fighting. xx

Read more about our journey below:

DSC_59402Our first baby.

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Our second & third babies. 

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Our fourth baby. 

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Our fifth baby.

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Having PCOS

87 thoughts on “Our 6th Baby

  1. Kaitlyn {freshandvintageliving}

    What a beautiful post. You are a brave and strong soul. May He bring you peace during this time.

  2. Meg

    Liz, your unwavering faith is awe-inspiring. You are an incredibly strong woman. Please know that you are not alone in this struggle to grow your family. I’ll continue to pray for you. Love, M.A.

  3. Phoebe

    I’m so sorry for your loss…although I don’t know you personally I will be thinking of you & Mr. LMB today. Your strength through this struggle and openness about all of it are just more aspects of why I look up to you! Stay strong

  4. Tasha

    Hi Liz. I don’t know if you remember me–we met at Haven. I went through my own infertility journey for 5 1/2 years before conceiving my 4 1/2 year old twin girls. I also have PCOS. I am so, so so beyond words sorry for all of your losses. I will be raising you, Jose and all of your babies up in prayer. I feel certain the answer to this is yes, but have you been tested for anti-phospholipid syndrome? It’s a blood clotting disorder that can cause repeat miscarriages. My mom had it, and like, you, suffered 6 miscarriages before having my brother and me. If not, I would ask your doctor ASAP. If you ever want to chat about my experience, shoot me an email. Huge, huge virtual hugs and tons of prayers headed your way. 🙂 Tasha @ Designer Trapped in a Lawyer’s Body.

  5. Kristin 2z

    Liz I’m so sorry to hear this. I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks and carried that angel for another week. I was devastated but knew I’d meet my Angeline day. I then lost my daughters twin at 7 weeks and was on complete bed rest for six months. Every second I was in fear. I didn’t know then that my autoimmune diseases played a big role in it all. I have two beautiful kidlets and two waiting and watching us from heaven. I know it’s hard hugs & love to you both.
    Kristin mom to Travis 20 & sierra 17 and two angels

  6. Kimm at Reinvented

    Oh Liz, my heart hurts for you. I lost two precious babies due to a progesterone defficiency, and those were the most painful moments of my life. I am so inspired by your faith and trust that this is all God’s plan, I certainly wasn’t as strong as you. Keeping all of you in my prayers.

  7. Tiffany DeHaan

    Liz, thank you for sharing this beautiful post. As I am grieving the loss of my nephew, I continue to ask God why? I know that the answer to that question isn’t going to help or change anything. Trusting in His plan and knowing that He loves us and has a good plan for our lives is what gets me by. Thank you for saying words that I need to hear on a daily basis. Love you girl!

  8. JLO

    Hello Liz:
    I just found you a few weeks ago and love your taste in all decor.
    Reading your post this morning brought back a flood of emotions as I went through a similar situation. My pregnancies never reached the point of having a heartbeat and soon after finding out I was pregnant, we would very quickly find out that the pregnancy would not progress naturally. I went through all of the shots, meds, artificial insemination, etc. At one point even running the risk of losing an ovary due to over stimulation. My marriage was not able to survive the many miscarriages, I was too young to realize and be grateful for what I had at the time and felt un normal because I could not achieve what most women did naturally and easily. I later went on to meet a wonderful man, who did not expect to have children due to a childhood cancer diagnosis and treatment, married and a few months into the marriage, another miscarriage. We took it as a sign, We started with Clomid, 1st cycle, pregnancy, I almost expected the same outcome, but week after week, we progressed, blood tests looked normal, month after month. I am ashamed but realize it was normal, that I expected something at some point to go wrong, nothing did. I drove slow, avoided bumps in the road, walked slowly, and before we realized, we were preparing for him. We now have 3 children. I tell you this story so that you do NOT lose hope or faith. May God’s will be done always, even when we think there is no good to come of it. BTW, I never found out why, besides cystic ovaries, why the pregnancies did not progress and this one did. I did have another miscarriage between baby 2 and 3. They are now 14, 13 and 8~ Hang in there~ Telling your story will help in the grieving and healing process and will help others as well. Thank you for sharing this, you will be in my prayers.

  9. Shambhavi

    How you’ve kept yourself together is beyond my comprehension. We crib and frown with smalls ups and downs of life and you.. look at you! Truly an inspiration for so many of us. All power to you girl. And prayers to God that one day he’ll bless you with the only beautiful gift that’s missing from your life.

  10. Shannon

    Your strength and faith in God is truly an inspiration. My heart goes out to you and your husband. One loss is not easy, let alone six. But you know that clinging to each other and to God will help you heal. You WILL have babies one day… remember that always! Praying for you through this difficult time. <3

  11. Ashley

    You are amazingly strong. Your spirit is beautiful and your soul is so brave. I’ve been watching your journey from behind the scenes for a while now and have been praying for you. I have PCOS too, and we’re currently preparing for IVF one. I have not experienced loss like you, but, I was just writing in my blog the other day that I think others feel worse for me than I for me. Not truly, but they just break when you tell them what you’re going through. And that’s hard. I am continuing to pray for you as you navigate through this hard emotional and physical journey in the next couple weeks. Thank you for sharing your heart with the world. Just so you know, it does help to hear other’s stories. If all you have helped is me today, let it be known that your words have brought me to tears in both a thankful and empathetic way.

  12. Lindsay

    I’m so sorry to read about this update. Please know that you are a continued source of inspiration for me. You are honest about how hard your journey has been, yet you stay so positive and loving. My own losses and fertility journey have really tried me at times (who am I kidding, MOST of the time) and I think of you often in efforts to challenge myself to be more positive when I’m feeling low. Continue to take good care of yourself, you deserve it!

  13. Laura Ingalls Gunn

    Liz Marie I am so very sorry. Those words may not seem like much when they stand alone. I wish you could see my face and into my heart while I say them. My husband and I suffered from infertility for a number of years. We had three rounds of ICSI and IVF done while living in Germany. The language barrier made things even more….interesting? By the third round my body, our finances, and a host of other things were just about done. We were told there was a 10% chance. We began to look at adoption options which were almost impossible due to being stationed overseas. With every shot and surgery of that last round I just kept saying my own mantra “I only have to have faith the size of a mustard seed to move an almost impossible mountain. Mustard seed, mustard seed, mustard seed.” Our son will turn 14 on Sept. 30th. Looking back I can now see clearly God working. The people who were changed/inspired by our faithfulness, how I was changed. Hang in there Liz. I fully believe your mustard seed is coming.

  14. Elaine Capps

    Jose and Liz, I am grieving for you as I read this. I am so very sorry and honestly, don’t have the words to express that enough. We will lift you both up in prayer, to the One who knows all, comforts all, carries all. Your story is not only touching those whose story is the same. It’s touching so many others and showing them who Christ is. Love to you and your family!

  15. Lauren

    I’m so thankful for your posts. I went through my first and hopefully last miscarriage about 2 weeks ago. I reread all of your posts because it helped me to know other peoples stories, and it helped me to talk about it with friends who had gone through it. It is a very strange to feeling to know you are carrying something inside of you that once had a heartbeat, one that you could see. But I feel totally at peace knowing our baby is safe in Heaven. I did take a lot of comfort in the fact that we could get pregnant. I honestly don’t mind talking about it but we were very hesitant to tell people because I was afraid, and still am, that people think we weren’t sad about it. It just that we dealt with it privately before we told anyone. And yes I still have moments, but it’s when I am by myself. I know that was the plan God had for our little baby, and I am very excited and hopeful to try again. Thank you again for sharing you story, sending out a prayer for you and your sweet family!

  16. Suzanne

    oh my poor LMB….. The depth of your strength has no limit… I can only say the same God who provided for you yesterday is with you today and will give you unfailing strength tomorrow… I am so sorry for your loss…

  17. Carrie Brumbach

    Oh dear, I am very sorry to hear of this loss. Thank you for your courage to share your journey and to point others to Christ through your trials. Mourning with you & praying for you from Ohio! ♡♡

  18. Emily

    My heart completely sank to see this post this morning Liz. I wish I would have given you an even bigger hug when we got to meet you at Haven <3 But please, please, please take a little comfort in knowing you are helping so many of us by telling your story. We are about to embark on fertility treatments and I am terrified. Knowing there are others who have faced this battle means everything in the world and I admire you SO much for putting it out there for us. Much love <3 <3

  19. Kerri

    So sorry for your loss Liz. You have such amazing faith and a beautiful outlook on everything. My husband and I struggled with infertility for over 5 years. After many, many fertility treatments, we were never able to get pregnant. It was a huge loss, I can’t even imagine what you are going through. We now have a beautiful 3 year old son through adoption and we are starting the process again. I really hope that someday you can start your family, praying for you!

  20. Brittney Bordenkircher

    my heart simply aches for you and your husband. you both are incredibly strong & your faith is the Lord is something to I truly admire. My husband & I lost a baby 3 years ago in October and the thought of having to experience that again is agonizing. Your story is an inspiration for our future in trying to conceive. God’s timing is perfect, and he is using you to give hope to women like myself, that even if I lose another child I will make it through. Love and prayers to you and your husband.

  21. Kim

    Thank you for always being so open and honest. I don’t usually comment but feel I must let you know how you stopped me in my tracks while I was reading a previous bog post. I truly believe life starts at conception! My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage..I didn’t even know I was pregnant that’s how early I was. Well life got busy and we have three beautiful children who are on the edge of adulthood. In one of your post you mentioned your babies in heaven, until that time I had never thought about it that way! I rejoice in knowing that one day I will meet that fourth child! Keep pushing on, it will happen….the Lord is in control! Now I need some tissues….tears……

  22. Erica @ Dwell Beautiful

    Oh Liz, my heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry for your loss and I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your story. I’m confident that you are helping so many others who are going through the same things. I’m praying hard for you and your husband. The Lord is with you!

  23. KariAnne

    Oh sweet friend. I am truly, truly sorry for your loss.

    Your post is beautifully written and such an amazing example of grace and faith in all circumstances.

    Praying for you today.

    karianne

  24. Maggie

    So very sorry Liz.. Keep your faith and God will help you both. I just know someday this will work out for you. God bless

  25. Mary

    Liz, I have never been pregnant so I can only imagine what you are going through. But I want you to know that your post ministered to me in the exact time and way I need. I am going through job loss, extreme anxiety and fear, and feeling that at my age the best of my life is over. I know God promises to take care of me and give me a future and a hope, but right now I’m having a hard time believing it. So I want you to know that what you wrote was God speaking to me through you. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest which allowed God to use you to remind me of the truth:

    “If you are experiencing loss of any kind not just miscarriage or going through something hard because we all do, focus on God’s rich blessings in your life, ask him for peace, pray for him to take away your anxiety, & lastly thank Him for every moment, even the struggles because those struggles are part of this beautiful journey here on earth.”

  26. Courtney | Hamby Home Decor

    Oh sweet Liz, I am so sorry. I appreciate you being so brave to share your story. So many ladies struggle with infertility and miscarriage but not many talk about it openly. I love you and your heart and I’m joining with you and praying the Lord is faithful and will bless your family in ways you never imagined.

  27. Holly

    Liz, what a powerful story you have and what a sweet, full quiver you have waiting for you in heaven. Thank you for being so incredibly brave and open with your story and testimony to your faithfulness in the Lord and his faithfulness to you. I’ve followed your story for a while now and I’m honestly so touched by your encouraging perseverance, patience and gracefulness during these times in your life. What a magnificent picture of love and commitment you and your husband display. I’ll be praying for you.

  28. Bruni

    I applaud your boundless grace and faith. On a Super Soul Sunday episode someone said that a set-back is a set-up for a come-back. Peace and blessings on your come-back journey. Hugs and prayers.

  29. Lisa

    Liz… words can not express how sorry I am that you have gone though this so many times…. I admire your strength and your faith for if it were me, I really don’ know if I could handle it all, even with my own faith. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

  30. Mia White

    (Newish reader, first time commenter.) Grieving with and for you as I have read through all of your posts on infertility and loss. I, too, have suffered the loss of a baby, and it is just horrendous. I am truly sorry, but so grateful for your candor here, and OH how you glorify Him and honor your babies. <3

  31. Liz R.

    So sorry for your loss. What a beautifully strong faith you have and such bravery to continue to share your struggle and your journey. I love the image you painted of what you have to look forward to in Heaven. Six babies in your arms! I know that you are encouraging and and inspiring many with your honesty and truth. Thank you.

  32. Jenny Harvell

    Liz,

    God bless you, sweet girl. I am always amazed that you can see the blessings when many others would grow angry. I know that God has not forsaken you and he will see that you and Jose are parents one day. In the meantime, take good care of yourself and know that many people are praying for you, Jose and your babies in Heaven. Big hugs……

  33. kate

    I am so sorry for your losses. I too have suffered from PCOS and infertility and miscarriage and would not wish it on anyone. your words are so beautifully written. I lost 3 babies between my oldest and my 23 month twins. I felt lost and angry on why God would do this! I finally put aside all my pain and frustrations and continued to pray and give all my worries to God and was blessed with twins. it was a scary, long pregnancy bc I was so scared I would lose them but in the end God knew just what I needed and knew the perfect timing. continue to lean on God and your husband through this difficult journey. I am praying for you and your sweet babies.

  34. Shelli

    You are an inspiration and a blessing to many… Thank you for sharing your story. My prayers go out to you and your husband. It is difficult in times like this to do, but… Trust Your Journey.

  35. Carrie

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you and your husband must be going through. I’m sure you may have already done so, but if not, get your vitamin D level checked. Mine was super low so I had to take supplements to bring it back to normal before starting my treatment. There seems to be a big correlation between vitamin D levels and IVF success. Praying for you and your husband.

  36. Hannah

    Sending prayers and love your way. God is so good, and I’m so happy to hear that you know that. You are such a hug inspiration for me and my blog. Thank you for all you do and continue to do.

    God is with you and your family. Sending prayers.

  37. Jan

    {Hugs} Elizabeth,
    You are so brave for sharing some of your most special, personal moments and sharing your strong faith in God. Continued prayers for and Jose as you continue to walk this journey.
    love, Jan

  38. Jolena

    Liz, I am so sorry for the pain of the loss but praising God on your behalf that while the hurt has been deep it has served to drive you closer to the throne of grace and God of comfort.

  39. Syd

    Oh, you sweet girl ~ You are such an inspiration! I can’t believe this journey you and Mr. LMB are on. Your faith is unwavering and unquestioning and amazing!!! I’ve never experienced this loss. I’m sure sometimes it has to be more than you think you can bear. Yet, with everything, there is it ~ your FAITH, YOUR AMAZING FAITH!! I know you will get to hold your babies one day and what a joyous day that will be! In the meantime, thank you for sharing your journey, especially for those who may not have the faith you do. In the meantime, I’m praying that Baby 7 gets to come home with you from the hospital.

    Keeping you in my prayers, holding you close in my heart~
    Syd, Zik’s bartender, Copper Harbor ( I sure hope we get to meet someday!)

  40. Adriana

    Liz

    I am very sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in our prayers…

    This is the first time I comment and I’m so happy I came across you because I’m in your team I understand word by word feeling by feeling as I am too in a journey to have our babies.

    I will email you seperate my story and I hope we stay in touch!

    Just want to say I’m here for you and that you just made me stronger just by reading your blog it amazes me how strong you are and for that I respect you much!! Thank you and thanks to all your six angel babies!

    Xoxo

    Adriana

  41. becomingbasicallybalanced

    Liz words cannot express how I feel for you right now. My heart aches every time I read one of these post from you. Please know that you and Jose are in my thoughts and prayers. Your unwavering faith is beyond inspirational.

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  43. Kinga A Niski

    Dear Liz,
    I’m devastated to hear about your loss … more than year ago I read your post about your miscarriages and since then you are in my everyday prayers … You are THE bravest women on earth !!! I wish I can be the same way you are … Love to you and your husband … Kinga

  44. Melissa Miller

    Liz for the life of me I cannot understand why your doctors have not had you have a D&C after your miscarriages? That is confusing to me. I would think it would help to get your uterus ready for the next baby. Try asking about progesterone levels as well. If most of your pregnancies end at 6 weeks that could be it.

    I am ready to see you holding a baby on one of your blog postings one day. Good luck and many prayers.

    Warmly, Melissa

  45. Sara

    Hey there Liz, I have been following your journey and my heart truly aches for you. I myself have lost two angel babies. 12 years ago when I became pregnant for the first time I was elated, scared, and everything in between. At 16 weeks I became very sick with multiple problems that resulted in my first miscarriage. I was devistated. my focus in life changed. my goal was to carry and raise a healthy baby. Shortly after my first miscarriage, I was pregnant again. Only to find out at 9 weeks that the angel had passed away. Heartbroken was an understatement. My determination grew stronger. My life was completely filled with everything pregnancy and fertility. I knew my baby angels were with our heavenly father. I had comfort knowing that. One day I decided I could not be consumed any longer. It was beginning to take a toll on my life and relationships. I decided I needed to leave it up to God. A few months later I became pregnant again. At this point I was extremely over cautious, as well as my husband and doctors. Amazingly, I carried this one to full term and gave birth to a healthy baby boy. He was followed by 2 more boys and finally a little girl 3 years ago. My life has been blessed in so many ways and I am so grateful. But my heart will always hold a place for those angel babies of mine. What would they be like. I was able to know that they were both boys. I imagine they would look like their brothers. Tall, skinny, and handsome. I am so grateful for your strength to share your stories. I pray that you will find comfort and that the road ahead will be paved in peace.

  46. Dicksi

    So sorry for your loss. You have such an amazing attitude! I’m sure God is your rock. Isn’t it great that we can lean on Him for comfort and strength?! Thank you for this post. (Loved the words from “the wall!”)

  47. Jill

    My dear young future momma,
    I once was you, but this Monday my first baby turns 17 years old! I miscarried, stressed, worried….my second pregnancy was high risk, putting both my life and my now 13 year olds lives at risk. I survived, we thrived, I delivered my babies when I was 31 and 35 as it took time. But now I am the blessed momma to TWO teenage girls, have followed your heartbreaking journey but thought I would tonight offer my story of hope! I know you will one day be enjoying the sassy teen years as I am now but for a time never thought I would!
    xo – Jill

  48. Stephanie

    Your faith is so admirable. I thought I was a very faithful person, but we’ve had two miscarriages (I’m actually bleeding out the 2nd baby as we speak) and honestly I just want to die with my babies.

    I’m sorry for your losses. I hope you never lose faith.

  49. Stephanie Shelton

    Thank you for sharing. I just went in Monday for an ultrasound and no heartbeat. I’m currently 12 weeks pregnant and my baby is still with me. I’m trying to decide our next step which has been one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever had to make. God is in control and I thank you for sharing with us.

  50. Hannah N

    Thank you for sharing your raw emotions on here and allowing us to pray for and support you through this journey. I pray that you can find answers and be able to hold sweet babies in your arms as you celebrate the lives of your babies in heaven.

  51. Haley

    Oh this post.. made me cry, made me think, made me a little reminiscent.. I’m so sorry for your losses. While I don’t know the agony of going through the fertility treatments.. I myself have two beautiful babies in heaven. I know they are safe, they are loved, they can never hurt or feel pain. They are with a God who loves them far more than I do, even when that’s hard to fathom. Oh one day, one glorious day, we will see our babies! Much love to you. <3

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  53. Alisha

    Liz, I am always so thankful to see your attitude through all of this and to know that God has kept you so strong through this difficult journey.
    A friend introduced me to this song/sermonette last night that brought me to tears. While I go through my own struggles in life, I’m so thankful for the reminder that GOD HAS PURPOSE! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyUPz6_TciY

  54. Debbie

    Thank you for sharing your story. You have touched so many lives through your story. My prayer is that God continues to bless you in his perfect timing, and that someday, this will all be a story about how you strengthened your faith and your marriage that you tell to your children. I struggled with infertility and PCOS, and I am so blessed each time you write on these topics as it helps me to know I am not alone, and reminds me to hold tight to the Lord.

  55. Tasha

    Liz, your story is truly an inspiration and testament of what it means to have faith in God’s plan. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you in many ways but mainly for being such a brave and strong woman of God. Your openness about your journey gives me so much hope and peace to accept God’s plan for my own baby in heaven and his plan for future babies to come. You are in my thoughts and prayers, chica 🙂 Sending hugs and love your way. -Tasha

  56. Estelle

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. You are a brave and strong woman and I am so glad that you have such great faith in God. I’m just throwing this out there in case (not likely, but just in case) you haven’t heard about Vitamin K and the increase of miscarriages associated with too little of it. My husband’s family has a history of multiple miscarriages and they found out that a lack of enough Vitamin K was the reason. Prayers to you and your husband.

  57. Lauren

    Hi Liz. I am very sorry for your loss, but also really appreciate the strength you have shown. Similar to the comment about vitamin K, I’m not sure if you have been tested for gene mutations associated with clotting disorders. I have the prothrombin gene mutation and while I haven’t tried to get pregnant yet, I have already been to a high risk ob

  58. Lauren

    Sorry, my comment got cut off.

    Anyways, these types of gene mutations can cause miscarriages but can sometimes be prevented if the mother takes anticoagulants during the pregnancy.

    Just a thought in case this hasn’t been tested yet.

    Good luck to you and your husband as you continue this journey.

  59. Nicole

    Liz, I had popped on to see if maybe we could collaborate on my chandeliers, but then I saw this post and about cried. I too have had a journey like yours. I have PCOS and Endo. Suffice to say at age 42, after miscarriages, fertility treatments up the wazoo — I had enough. We had started our adoption journey when I was 40, as a “backup”. Well, when we decided we had enough tears and struggle and even adoption did not seem to be working out, we got a call out of nowhere to adopt last August. I type this now as my baby girl is napping, at 11 months. I never expected to adopt. I never thought I would miss out on having my own child. But its all divine in its timing and I gave up control trying to figure out why and instead embraced what is and decided she was meant to be ours. She is meant to have 4 loving parents! We are meant to share a life with another couple who gifted us her. I dont claim to understand all of it — but I am just doing my best to roll with it and be the best mom I can be. If you ever want to chat — email me. I understand where you are coming from. And if you ever decide to do adoption down the road, I can help!

    xo

  60. Kathy Elizabeth

    I am so sorry , I am just seeing your post. You are one of the most beautiful & strongest souls I have been blessed to have in my life. I am so thankful our Father, hears every prayer & sees every teadeop we shed from our eyes. As mine are filled with them right now, over your loss. You are now in my prayers, my families, and that of our entire Church Family. You are so loved, by all of us, Who each have followed your struggles for so long, and kept you in our heart & prayers. I have complete Faith, God will answer all of our prayers,, And Bless you with the most Child , you could have imagined ! But right now, please know we share the sorrow of your loss with you. And as I stared earlier, will keep you in our heart, thoughts, and prayers every single day ! Tons of Love is sent your way xxoo Kathy Elizabeth

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  62. Adrianne

    Hi Liz,

    I am sure you don’t remember me. We met once at Black Swan in New Bern, NC. We shared a love of vintage. I had no idea we also shared this pain. I am so sorry for both you and your husband losses. My husband suggested I blog about my experience, as I am feeling particularly distraught today. I went to revisit a long left behind blog of my own, and God must have led me to see this post.

    We have been struggling with infertility for 4 years now. We have one baby in heaven and last week, at 16 weeks we delivered Herbert Brunken. He is named for his paternal grandfather. He was baptized and will be buried shortly. It comforts me to picture him in Heaven, whole and perfect with his grandparents surrounding him.

    I don’t know anyone personally who has suffered from infertility. Your strength is truly inspirational. I thank God I found you here today. I have felt very weak throughout this whole process but I too have tried to maintain a mantra of hope.

    I found this quote by the Dali Lama the other day and it eloquently captured my feelings.

    “There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’
    No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.”
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

    Love and light in your journey forward. You will be in my prayers. I wish the best for you.

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  64. Nicole @Little Blog on the Homestead

    I’ve been reading through your posts and I just can’t even imagine what you have gone through. I’ve never been pregnant, never even gotten to the point where the doctors sent us home to do the fun part. And honestly, there are some things people know about themselves and I don’t know how I could handle going through something like this. Let alone 6 times. I know God never gives us more than we can handle. Though sometimes I think he overestimates what we can handle. And my heart just goes out to you guys. PCOS blows, infertility sucks, and there are just too many of us out there who have so much love to give.

  65. Kristin

    Hi Liz, thank you for all your stories. It’s really encouraging to find someone who is resting in the Lord during such situations. I recently experienced an ectopic pregnancy with my first child. So little is known about ectopics and so few people seem to have them that it is very easy to feel alone. I am glad that as Christians, we are able to trust God and find comfort and peace through him. I do not know how I would have made it through otherwise.

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  67. Tess

    Dear Liz Marie, I have stumbled upon your blog a few days ago and I am so deeply sorry for all the heartache you are (and have been) going through. I have no words to express the sadness when I read this post. You are such a strong woman and I admire your courage. Liz Marie, I don’t know the full story of why you have one miscarriage after another but I wanted to share with you that a Dr. diagnosed me with Factor V Leiden (a blood clotting disorder) by chance and one day when I’m pregnant I will have to take anti-coagulants every single day for the entire pregnancy and six weeks after. In case no one has ever done that test, please have yourself tested for Factor V Leiden – it may just be the reason why. I strongly assume you have a diagnosis already. But felt I needed to share this with you, in case this test has not been done yet, as women with this condition can have one miscarriage after another and it can be prevented…From the bottom of my heart I wish you all the best! Tess

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  71. Chante Gummer

    Les consulto tengo un refrigerador no frost marcal consul de 460 litros, y el problema es que no hace hielo, he revisado el evaporador y este presenta signos de congelamiento solo en la mitad del evaporador, y el compresor funciona en forma permanente y calienta mucho, el condensadro tambien calienta. En la semana no he conseguido que vengan a repararla, al service oficial tendría que hacerla trasladar yo misma.

  72. Cynthia

    Hi everyone, I had a miscarriage on the 2nd of June I went for a 11 week scan to find out the baby diet at 8 weeks so I went for a natural delivery that happened a few days later I then started to hemeridge and was rushed to hospital but was sent home about 6 hours later as I felt fine. Bleeding continued for 5 days then stopped but when I checked to see if I was ovulating on day 6 which I was we decided to try again but 3 days later I’ve had like a muddy but very light period. Would this be the start on my normal period? As I’m confused..I have 4 children with no problems and my youngest is 8 now but I am a rhes neg blood group and I didn’t have my anti d jab after having her so I have lost about 4 babies very early into the pregnancy apart from this one I’m also just turned 41 so I’m worried my age isn’t helping I don’t smoke or drink I eat healthy so I no it’s nothing to do with that.. I’ve had my anti d jab when i was in hospital but was wondering if anyone has had the same experience and is it still possible that I could get pregnant straight after a miscarriage or do I have to wait for my period to come again. My cycle has always been all over the place so I can never keep track of it only if I use ovulation tests, i discus this with my friend who advice me to contact Dr abacha for solution to my problem which i did, after contacting these Dr abacha from Africa he told me all that i need to do, actually he’s not a medical doctor but a very powerful traditional doctor, he told me that the gods will bless me with children of any kind after i finish using the traditional herb he is going to send to me from his country to my country here in USA, i was very amaze when the package finally reach my hand, he told me how i was to use it for a perfect result, my dear sisters do you know that after 2 weeks i have used these traditional herb he send to me i began to notice some changes in my body and after 3 weeks i took in that was how i got pregnancy help from these Dr abacha the traditional spell caster, i am recommended anyone to these great traditional caster, and in case there is any one out there who is still searcher for pregnancy help should please contact Dr abacha in his email address:abachasolutiontemple367@gmail.com or visit he in his website //abachasolutiontemple.webs.com/ for immediate help, THANKS TO YOU DR and may God bless you for your good work in my family. Cynthia frm Chicago Illinois

  73. Annette Chavoen

    Yoir story was just so beautiful honey!!! I also know , you will one day have that dream !! God bless you both and stay that beautiful girl you are inside and out!!! Thank you for sharing your journey.. I believe sharing helps healing too!! The best to you!! You are always in my prayer 🙏🏻👼💙💜
    Much love , Annette

  74. F.

    Dear Liz,

    Your words are inspiring and give me strength.
    After a 3 year long fertility journey, my husband and I were over the moon 3 months ago when we found out I was pregnant.
    For 3 months we felt like the luckiest people in the world carrying our precious child.
    Unfortunately we found out that our child has a severe chromosone defficiency and has zero life expectancy. We need to terminate our much wanted pregancy to prevent our angel from pain. At the moment I’m officially still pregant but I know that we need to let our dear Angel go to God in a couple of days. It feels so unfair but we also trust that there is another plan for us. I know we will find a way of dealing with our loss and your words help a lot.
    May God bless you and keep you save.
    Kind regards from Holland.
    F.

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