You Are A Mom.

You are a mom - Happy Mothers day to all moms in all stages of Motherhood.

I read an article recently that kind of got my blood boiling. It really takes a lot for me to get upset by an article online. I’m really good at just scrolling past things I don’t agree with & going along my merry way. BUT this one made me stop & really think. I’m not going to name names or give away this particular article because she is allowed to have her opinions, & today I’m going to give mine here in my happy place. Basically the premise of the article that I was was reading said you are not a mom until you change diapers or wake up multiple times a night to feed a baby. That makes you a mom. Not the fact that you have a living human in you with a tiny heart beat. Nope, this article said that you shouldn’t call yourself a mother & be thankful for that 9 months when you still are not a mom because we are all in for a “rude awakening” for when the baby is born & you are “actually a mother.” Whoa. I wasn’t going to talk about this, but it’s Mother’s Day this weekend so I thought it might be a good time for me to just voice my little opinion & then enjoy my weekend celebrating my 6 babies in Heaven, because guess what? I am proud to call myself a Mom to those angel babies & I hope that any of you reading this with babies that left us too soon realize you are a mom to those precious souls too.

You are a mom - Happy Mothers day to all moms in all stages of Motherhood.

My first issue with this is my Biblical belief. I know we all have different religious views & ways we interpret them, but the Bible I read says that The Lord formed us in our Mothers womb & that we are all fearfully & wonderfully made. Our life starts in the womb. This all starts when we are in our mothers womb. This all starts at conception. What a beautiful thing to go into our first ultrasound & see that beautiful heartbeat & see our child for the first time. Because that is your child right? That you are looking at on the screen. Then doesn’t that make you that child’s mother? Your child is safely snuggled inside of you safe from the outside world & you have already started caring for your baby right when you got that positive pregnancy test. You quit the caffeine, you quit lifting heavy objects, you started taking those pesky prenatal vitamins, you started reading those baby books, & you already love that baby of yours. You are a mom.

You are a mom - Happy Mothers day to all moms in all stages of Motherhood.

You are a mom - Happy Mothers day to all moms in all stages of Motherhood.

My second issue is the measurement of when you are a mom. Who determines this? The article specifically said you are not a mom until these three things: You change diapers, you feed your baby on the outside, & you wake up multiple times a night. Ok, so her opinion is that if you do not do these three things you are not a mom. I respect her opinion, but I’m going to have to disagree. I believe that’s just another stage of being a mom. Being a mom has many stages. You get pregnant & this is an exciting time of being a mom where you start caring for your little babe when it’s inside of you & the excitement builds to their birthday. Then you give birth you are in a whole new stage of being a mom where you actually get to meet this amazing being that has been making you so sick for 9 months. Then the baby is a toddler & you are in a whole new phase of being a mom where the nugget starts running around & touching everything and asking questions. Can you imagine if someone told you that you were not a mom until your kid was two and they started walking, or if you were not a mom until your kid was 5 & in kindergarten, or until your kid was 16 & could drive? That’s ridiculous, so why are you not a mom to that little baby inside of you, just because it’s not needing it’s diaper changed yet? This whole you are not a “real mom” until this [insert phase of life] is kind of hurtful to the mom & the child. Why does size or formation of your child count as a measurement to determine if you are a mom yet? Your body was able to conceive life & your baby has started developing like it will the rest of it’s life when it’s outside of you. You are a mom.

You are a mom - Happy Mothers day to all moms in all stages of Motherhood.

You are a mom - Happy Mothers day to all moms in all stages of Motherhood.

My final thought tonight, I could go on for hours, is kind of a hard one, but something that has run through my mind. If you take a pregnancy test & realize you are pregnant & celebrate & a week later you start to bleed & find out you miscarried, or if you have gone through your whole pregnancy & lose your child during birth, or if you go to two ultrasounds & at your third you realize your child has gone to heaven. This is called a miscarriage or still birth & one of the worst things that could ever happen to a mother. You are filled with grief, your world crumbles around you, you lose hope, you are depressed, & you question everything. Why? Because you lost your child & you are a mom. A grieving mom who didn’t get the chance to live a long happy life with your child. You had moments stolen from you & replaced with heartache & pain. Your child is in a better place, but you were left here to grieve such a deep loss that no one around you understands because you are a mom who has lost her child. You didn’t get to meet that precious baby outside your womb & see them smile or laugh for the first time, you missed their first cry, you missed out on their whole childhood & adulthood. You had their life planned out on the outside because you are a mom who had high hopes for your child. You thanked God for blessing you with a baby & the love you had for your baby was so deep already that you wanted to protect your child & you were. Just likes it’s unimaginable to lose a child when they are outside our womb, it is unimaginable to lose them when they are inside the womb as well. & that’s because as a mom, losing a child is never easy & one of the hardest things we can bare. & if you have pain over losing a child & joy of finding out you are with child, you are a mom.

You are a mom - Happy Mothers day to all moms in all stages of Motherhood.

I could go on, I could say more, but I’ll stop here for today. I respect everyones opinion on this subject, but I feel for my six babies in heaven & for everyone reading my blog today who has lost a child that I needed to use my blog to state my opinion. I don’t want to start a debate here, but if you have a different opinion & feel compelled to share it I suggest you use your platform to do so like I did today, but please choose to be kind. Conception of a child is a down right miracle. If you have never googled the odds of getting pregnant or researched just how miraculous pregnancy is, I suggest you do it. As a woman & a mom who has carried 6 babies in me, even though I have sadly lost all six before seeing their beautiful faces on the outside, I am thankful for each and every one of them & I am so thankful for the months that I carried them & was their mom here on earth. & I’m thankful for the gift of being a mom to them while they are now with God. I want to wish a very happy Mother’s Day to all moms out there with babies here on earth from your womb or another womb, babies in heaven, & babies in your womb who you are excited to meet, & to those of you with all the above! I hope you feel honored & special to be a mom ever single day of the year no matter what phase of being a mom you are in. You are awesome. You are a Mom. xx Liz Marie

 

Mother’s Day cards: [here] 
Mother’s Day mug: [here]

Start with reading about our fertility & loss story below…

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Our 6th miscarriage [here]

Psalm 139:13-16

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

20 thoughts on “You Are A Mom.

  1. katie

    I didn’t read the piece you’re referring to, but I can only guess it’s by a sourpuss miffed at pregnant women making a claim for Mother’s Day around the corner. I certainly hope it isn’t directed at someone like my friends who came to my Cinco de Mayo party yesterday with the two foster children they’re caring for. The kids, ages 2 and 3, were abandoned twice by their parents, who also abandoned their two other, older kids. The foster parents couldn’t handle having all four together. The two little ones aren’t yet potty-trained, and their teeth (even the 2-year-old’s) are rotten away, such was their nutrition. The 2-year-old only just started walking–the parents didn’t want them running around. I don’t know how someone could help but love these kids, who despite their teeth are really attractive, with silky blond hair, piercing blue eyes and quick smiles. The foster parents hug them and kiss them and correct them. They didn’t give birth to them, nor will they keep them for life (though another foster family I know had a girl for 10 years before she was adopted). But I challenge anyone to say they aren’t Mom and Dad.
    BTW, their birth mother is pregnant.
    Every kid should be wanted.
    It’s unrealistic to tell people who are single or who don’t want kids that they should never have sex. Contraceptives need to be free or very cheap and easy to get. In the U.S., there’s a contradictory attitude that says, you can’t have contraceptives, you can’t get an abortion, but once you have the baby you’re on you’re own, tough luck. It’s unrealistic to say, oh, these women (because though men are involved in creating pregnancy they don’t feel any of the consequences) should give up the babies, so there will be more babies available for adoption. Childbirth isn’t without risk, and how are these women (who are essentially treated not as humans but as baby incubators) supposed to work and move on with life? As if women didn’t face enough discrimination already.
    People should be parents because they really want to be, not because it’s forced on them.

  2. Marie

    How cruel that you had to read all that crap. I actually wrote another comment and managed somehow to delete it but maybe just a well as it was a bit of a rant about that article you read..So just another quick comment here to say what a horrid article to have read and OF COURSE YOU ARE A MOTHER.. who is she or anyone to tell you that you are not. You conceived six tiny babies. Therefore they Are… Not only did you have to suffer the pain of not getting to see and hold them before they went straight on to heaven but you have to read silly articles that make no sense too? So sorry you had to go through that. It’s almost mother’s day so Blessings to you on the occasion for your six tiny Angels..

  3. Tilly

    You are a mother, and although some people may have different views on what motherhood is, nobody can take that title away from you. xx

  4. Jennifer

    I agree with you 100%, Liz. Motherhood starts the second you realize you are pregnant and work your hardest to make sure that your baby is strong and healthy. This post your wrote is perfect, so thank you!

  5. Melissa Jo

    Thank you for this, your opinion mirror’s mine perfectly! I was only blessed to have carried my 1 and only baby for 12 weeks, but I have always thought since then, I am a mom. Thanks you so very much for sharing all that you do. I’m not able to share much yet, it’s been almost a year, and the pain is like it was yesterday! I’m praying for you and all us MOM’s! Happy Mother’s Day!

    1. Jennifer

      I agree with you 100%. You are a mom to six “fearfully and wonderfully” made children that wait for you in heaven. I am a mom to four, three that I get to have with me and one precious baby that lives with Jesus. I suppose the person that wrote that terrible article would say that last one doesn’t count, but to me – it counts. I stumbled upon your blog one particularly bad day last year after I lost my last baby. I don’t think that was an accident-I believe that was God at work. Your posts about your miscarriages have helped me heal. Thank you so much. Happy Mother’s Day Liz Marie.

  6. Suzanne

    there is so much wrong with the article I wouldn’t evrn know where to begin… a mother is a mother whenever she cares and nurtures another being… husband, child, pet, student… we are all mothers… some of us have to take a different route, but here is the universal truth… there is NO WINNER!!! I have a 19 year old and a 21 year old.. am I not a mother because one of the m doesn’t live with me??? My dad is 82 years old.. is he not a father because of his age?? It is beyond ridiculous to define a “mother”!!!

  7. Gabriela Arleen

    My heart and prayers are with you, you are a beautiful lovely lady and a lovely mother indeed! God bless you and stay strong in him, he is with you always.

  8. Natalie Lesnefsky

    This is one of my favorite posts you’ve ever written. Seriously adore you and your heart. LOVE that you had the boldness to share this, it’s so needed. I loved everything about this post! You’re inspiring girl and you see the true value of your platform and how you can share your voice to impact generations. go you! go mama! xoxo.

  9. Alyssa

    I carried my baby girl for 18 weeks and 3 days. I loved her and bonded with her and felt her move within my womb. I cried when we learned her little heart had stopped. I was in labor for 16 hours with her. And I gave birth to our beautiful girl – born still. I am a mother. My heart aches to hold my Emma Rose in my arms. I long to love and honor her every single day that I live – and I wouldn’t give up my heartache for never knowing her.

    Whether you only carried a baby for 8 weeks, or have been raising your baby for 18 years – you are a mother!

    1. Gabriela Arleen

      My heart goes out to you, and I am sorry for you heart ache. You are a lovely lady.

  10. Mary-the boondocks blog

    Of course you are a mother. How can we ignore the effect the baby has on us in the womb. We feel it and it affects us tremendously and we bond with it. The baby turns your whole world upside down while it is still inside. Only someone who is made of stone could not feel the unbelievable pull and bond that the baby has over us. Happy Mother’s Day to you sweet Liz Marie, and I hope you celebrate in any way you see fit and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

  11. NIX

    I HAVE BEEN CATCHING UP ON EMAILS AND MY FAVOURITE BLOG POSTS AND GOT TO THIS ONE…….BRIEFLY GOING ON THE COMMENTS ABOVE I THINK YOU HAVE THE POWER OF YOUR FANS STANDING BEHIND YOU, HOLDING YOUR HAND IN SUPPORT – YOU ARE SO A MAMA BEAR, LET NO ONE EVER LET YOU BELIEVE OTHERWISE. XXXXX

  12. Karen

    That steams me too! I dont get it. Does she want a gold star or us to play a sad little tune at her pity party? Why does it seem that so many moms are so quick to “complain” about being a mom? “oh you just wait”-I heard that so much when I was pregnant, like if I would mention anything about not sleeping. Moms seem to be so quick to tell you how bad this and that is going to be. Well I kept waiting for the “rude awakening” and it just never came. I never minded waking up multiple times at night because I got to hang out with one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. And everytime I thought about complaining I just thought of those “moms” with empty arms and broken hearts and that always shut me up. I dont know if it was because I had longed for a baby for so long, or if its just a matter of perspective. Im not saying Im a perfect mom by any means but I constantly am aware that being her mom is a blessing every day and I dont take that blessing for granted.
    And btw-feeding another human, changing its diaper and waking up multiple times does not make you its mother. As a nurse I have changed countless (adult and baby) diapers, fed them, gotten up (from the nurses station) hundreds of times and ran up and down the halls till my legs wanted to fall off, and lost sleep over them, does that make me their mom? No! When you have love in your heart for a child whether in your womb, out of your womb, or you care for one from someone elses womb-your a mom!

    We should be encouraging new and soon to be moms, and try focus on how amazing it all is. We all know it goes by so fast and one day there wont be any diapers to change but your own!!

    By the way-I just discovered your blog and I love it! I love your decorating style, your transparancy, and your love for Jesus! It hurts my heart to read about your struggle but Im glad you have found peace and I pray that one day you will tell your little baby about this struggle and about his brothers/sisters in heaven and how much you wanted him and he will know how blessed he is to have you as a mommy! Thanks for sharing!

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  14. Octavio Kassim

    Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say fantastic blog!

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