I read an article recently that kind of got my blood boiling. It really takes a lot for me to get upset by an article online. I’m really good at just scrolling past things I don’t agree with & going along my merry way. BUT this one made me stop & really think. I’m not going to name names or give away this particular article because she is allowed to have her opinions, & today I’m going to give mine here in my happy place. Basically the premise of the article that I was was reading said you are not a mom until you change diapers or wake up multiple times a night to feed a baby. That makes you a mom. Not the fact that you have a living human in you with a tiny heart beat. Nope, this article said that you shouldn’t call yourself a mother & be thankful for that 9 months when you still are not a mom because we are all in for a “rude awakening” for when the baby is born & you are “actually a mother.” Whoa. I wasn’t going to talk about this, but it’s Mother’s Day this weekend so I thought it might be a good time for me to just voice my little opinion & then enjoy my weekend celebrating my 6 babies in Heaven, because guess what? I am proud to call myself a Mom to those angel babies & I hope that any of you reading this with babies that left us too soon realize you are a mom to those precious souls too.
My first issue with this is my Biblical belief. I know we all have different religious views & ways we interpret them, but the Bible I read says that The Lord formed us in our Mothers womb & that we are all fearfully & wonderfully made. Our life starts in the womb. This all starts when we are in our mothers womb. This all starts at conception. What a beautiful thing to go into our first ultrasound & see that beautiful heartbeat & see our child for the first time. Because that is your child right? That you are looking at on the screen. Then doesn’t that make you that child’s mother? Your child is safely snuggled inside of you safe from the outside world & you have already started caring for your baby right when you got that positive pregnancy test. You quit the caffeine, you quit lifting heavy objects, you started taking those pesky prenatal vitamins, you started reading those baby books, & you already love that baby of yours. You are a mom.
My second issue is the measurement of when you are a mom. Who determines this? The article specifically said you are not a mom until these three things: You change diapers, you feed your baby on the outside, & you wake up multiple times a night. Ok, so her opinion is that if you do not do these three things you are not a mom. I respect her opinion, but I’m going to have to disagree. I believe that’s just another stage of being a mom. Being a mom has many stages. You get pregnant & this is an exciting time of being a mom where you start caring for your little babe when it’s inside of you & the excitement builds to their birthday. Then you give birth you are in a whole new stage of being a mom where you actually get to meet this amazing being that has been making you so sick for 9 months. Then the baby is a toddler & you are in a whole new phase of being a mom where the nugget starts running around & touching everything and asking questions. Can you imagine if someone told you that you were not a mom until your kid was two and they started walking, or if you were not a mom until your kid was 5 & in kindergarten, or until your kid was 16 & could drive? That’s ridiculous, so why are you not a mom to that little baby inside of you, just because it’s not needing it’s diaper changed yet? This whole you are not a “real mom” until this [insert phase of life] is kind of hurtful to the mom & the child. Why does size or formation of your child count as a measurement to determine if you are a mom yet? Your body was able to conceive life & your baby has started developing like it will the rest of it’s life when it’s outside of you. You are a mom.
My final thought tonight, I could go on for hours, is kind of a hard one, but something that has run through my mind. If you take a pregnancy test & realize you are pregnant & celebrate & a week later you start to bleed & find out you miscarried, or if you have gone through your whole pregnancy & lose your child during birth, or if you go to two ultrasounds & at your third you realize your child has gone to heaven. This is called a miscarriage or still birth & one of the worst things that could ever happen to a mother. You are filled with grief, your world crumbles around you, you lose hope, you are depressed, & you question everything. Why? Because you lost your child & you are a mom. A grieving mom who didn’t get the chance to live a long happy life with your child. You had moments stolen from you & replaced with heartache & pain. Your child is in a better place, but you were left here to grieve such a deep loss that no one around you understands because you are a mom who has lost her child. You didn’t get to meet that precious baby outside your womb & see them smile or laugh for the first time, you missed their first cry, you missed out on their whole childhood & adulthood. You had their life planned out on the outside because you are a mom who had high hopes for your child. You thanked God for blessing you with a baby & the love you had for your baby was so deep already that you wanted to protect your child & you were. Just likes it’s unimaginable to lose a child when they are outside our womb, it is unimaginable to lose them when they are inside the womb as well. & that’s because as a mom, losing a child is never easy & one of the hardest things we can bare. & if you have pain over losing a child & joy of finding out you are with child, you are a mom.
I could go on, I could say more, but I’ll stop here for today. I respect everyones opinion on this subject, but I feel for my six babies in heaven & for everyone reading my blog today who has lost a child that I needed to use my blog to state my opinion. I don’t want to start a debate here, but if you have a different opinion & feel compelled to share it I suggest you use your platform to do so like I did today, but please choose to be kind. Conception of a child is a down right miracle. If you have never googled the odds of getting pregnant or researched just how miraculous pregnancy is, I suggest you do it. As a woman & a mom who has carried 6 babies in me, even though I have sadly lost all six before seeing their beautiful faces on the outside, I am thankful for each and every one of them & I am so thankful for the months that I carried them & was their mom here on earth. & I’m thankful for the gift of being a mom to them while they are now with God. I want to wish a very happy Mother’s Day to all moms out there with babies here on earth from your womb or another womb, babies in heaven, & babies in your womb who you are excited to meet, & to those of you with all the above! I hope you feel honored & special to be a mom ever single day of the year no matter what phase of being a mom you are in. You are awesome. You are a Mom. xx Liz Marie
Start with reading about our fertility & loss story below…
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”