I’m a Mess.

Are you here looking for perfection? Something magazine worthy & without flaws? Well, I’m terribly sorry, you won’t find that here. I’m an absolute mess. I wash my hair maybe twice a week, I hardly dust my house, Most of the time I have yesterdays mascara on & zit cream on my face at noon still, our home has a few areas that are presentable & the rest is a jumbled mess, I’m always late, I’m terrible at returning phone calls, making plans gives me anxiety, & I’m the most sensitive little creature you could ever meet. Funny story… Jose calls me his little creature sometimes haha. It sounds mean, but he’s always commenting at how cute & little I am & it is just a funny thing. Anyways, back to me being a mess. I feel like sometimes I give the wrong impression like I have it all together. 5 nights out of 7 I don’t even take time to make dinner because I feel so behind or my anxiety creeps up on me & I feel paralyzed by the pressures of the world. Am I writing this for therapy? Maybe. Am I writing this for you to feel bad for me? Heck no. I’m writing this so maybe you feel normal. Maybe you see all my photos on Instagram or my blog posts & you think I have it all together, that my life is all beautiful barns & pretty rooms, & that I am always smiling & laughing. Nope. I struggle. A lot. I don’t share my anxiety with everyone because frankly I feel like it’s quite the downer, but man do I struggle. Some mornings Jose holds me in bed because my heart feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest simply from the daily tasks ahead. There are days I think about our 8 babies in heaven and I can’t find the light in the world thinking about the darkness of losing them. There are moments when I feel so alone when I am surrounded by people. I mean I could go on, but you guys I’m saying this to let you know that I don’t have it all together….

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I don’t share this a whole lot because I think I’m good at hiding it, but I have really bad social anxiety. I get anxious to leave my house, I struggle meeting new people, & I’m quite intimidated by just about everyone. When I’m at the store & a group of people come up & want to meet me.. I get so nervous! I end up saying really awkward things & that’s really me.. an awkward mess. But I’m realizing that it’s ok. It’s ok to be messy. Life is messy & sometimes it’s nice to not pretend that everything is peachy when it’s not.  It’s nice to not put on a front & to be dare I say, real? Now, don’t get me wrong…  There is a lot of beauty in my life. All of the photos & blog posts I share are real.. there is a lot of real beauty in my life, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. I love my life. I know I’ve highlighted the negatives in the beginning of this post, but honestly I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. I know we all are in different seasons of life & the season I am in now is quite amazing, but I also know there will be harder & easier seasons as well. God has given me struggles like he gives to everyone else, but I’m thankful for mine because each struggle has made me a better person & turned into a million more blessings. I’m sharing this because when I get comments of “I’m so jealous of your life” or something similar to that on social media it doesn’t make me happy, it makes me sad & I want to blurt out to that person that maybe there are parts of my life that they love, but we all have our struggles. You are not alone. That’s what it is.. my main point, you are not alone. We will never measure up to everyones expectations. You will let people down, you will fail, you will hurt, but what matters is that you keep moving, you forgive yourself, you learn something from the situation, & those that matter will forgive you & love you no matter what. Your struggles may look different from my struggles, but what bonds us is our perseverance & how we deal with those downfalls in our life.

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I honestly started writing this post tonight because I was feeling like I was falling short. I felt like the emails were piling up, the to-do list was too long, my hair is dirty, the house is torn apart, I haven’t opened up my Bible Study in forever, & I couldn’t write about the pretty in my life in fear that you might think that’s all there is in my life…. pretty. Some of it is ugly & some of it is pretty & I try to find balance in it all out everyday. I love finding the beauty in every second of everyday. I love finding the lesson in hard times, I love finding the joy in a bad day, I love embracing my flaws, & I love accepting everyone despite their flaws as well. I will continue to seeing the beauty in every moment & sharing it with you because that’s what I do & that’s what makes me happy. I like updating my Instagram, blog, pinterest, & facebook daily with beautiful random moments of my day, the good & bad of projects we are working on, the farmhouse renovation, our unfolding fertility story, & the journey through all of it. But don’t ever think that our life is perfect because it’s not… it’s a beautiful mess just like me. xx

 

My view in our backyard tonight as I wrote this…

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& it’s moments like this that I’m thankful for the struggle, thankful for God’s reminders of his plans for us, thankful that I am not in control, & thankful for this beautiful life we live. There is beauty in every moment, you just have to look for it.

30 thoughts on “I’m a Mess.

  1. Sarah

    I just adore you and your honesty. Thank you for this post and your bravery. I don’t have it all together either, not even close, but I’ve actually come to love my craziness over the years. Just keep being YOU Liz, that’s what we all love so much. xoxo

  2. Barb

    thank you…for being real…my instincts told me you were this person…which is why I love your blog and FB posts..and seeing what you are doing…

  3. Deb McKathan

    I cannot remember the exact wording for the quote, but it is something like: ‘Your record for getting through bad days is 100%’….know that you are loved by many for your sincerity and honesty. I always say there has only been One perfect thing that ever walked this earth and He knows my struggles and failures and loves me still. Thank you.

  4. Lyla Thomas

    Thank you so so much for this! I had been sitting here in awe of all the progress you have made on your farmhouse and wondering just how superhuman you were. Because we moved at the same time into our dream house, and I struggle to finish even a single project. I am STILL working on the backsplash in the kitchen but I didn’t even get to start on it for weeks because I didn’t finish unpacking for weeks and the little voice in my head said “She is so much better than you, you should be more like her, you should be able to knock out a project a day, why aren’t all the pictures hung? Why aren’t all the light fixtures in? The pictures you had printed still aren’t framed and you already bought the frames, the shelves are still sitting on the floor, when was the last time you did laundry? Why can’t you make dinner every night? What do you DO all day?!…oh, and by the way…your hair is dirty.”

  5. Jennifer @ Town and Country Living

    You’re beautiful, Liz. Inside and out! I have social anxiety too. I can speak in front of a crowd of people to give a seminar and it doesn’t bother me a bit. But put me one-on-one with someone I don’t know and I’m looking for the nearest exit … not because I don’t like the person, but because I have no clue what to say and fear they’ll find out the truth about me. Creating beauty is one of your many gifts. Thanks for sharing it with us! Your home is looking amazing. Love you!

  6. michelle

    God is Who gives us stability, peace, joy, contentment, our lives can get way too busy, but don’t neglect your time with Him each day. Put Him 1st (start each and every day with Him) and I guarantee your life won’t seem so chaotic and overwhelming. I say this with love because I’ve learned this from experience, and I’m sure you already know it’s true.
    John 15:4
    Psalm 37:5
    Prov.16:3

    1. Svitlana Shamshyna

      so agree, I am like this too right now by the way, worlds things taking our heart, that’s the problem… and the reason, we have to rest in Jesus, otherwise chaotic and useless… Priorities… For me thats the sign I am too far from God and put Him away in my heart unfortunately… World is passing and all its lusts…But Gods word abide forever…

  7. Carri

    Thank you so much for sharing! I have struggled with social anxiety also. When I tell friends some truly don’t understand. My face will burn and I start rambling on making no sense! God made us all beautiful flaws and all 😉 thanks for you courage to tell it how it is. I truly feel less on an island knowing I do not struggle alone!

  8. Melissa

    I have been where you are (not the babies part) but the anxiety. Years when I could not leave the house. Making plans gives me anxiety too. It is nice to know I have company. One thing you said struck me though. …that God gives it to us. I am not in that school of thought. Please do not forget we have an enemy that wants to keep you down, depressed and in your house. God has renewed my mind and healed me in so many areas through his word. Please take one of his promises and meditate on them one by one. “The Lord did not give us a spirit of fear, but one of love, power, and sound mind.’
    with love,
    Melissa

  9. AJ

    Thank you for being so open! I struggle as well with having things to say. It’s funny a co-worker and I have talked about it before. Both of us have that problem. I will say something in a conversation to hold onto the conversation as long as possible and then rethink it and worry if someone has taken it wrong. I will worry so much that I will be afraid that the person is mad at me, Something, I can’t stand is having people mad at me! I have always been that shy person and tried to push myself out of my comfort zone. There are times, I am so insecure about myself, I don’t know why anyone would like me. I have learn through the years that is the devil putting those thoughts in my head and I have to concentrate on all the positive and what God has blessed me with. My husband has been my biggest blessing! Before, I met him, I had prayed to God for a good year to find a man that loved me, as much I loved him. I had went through a severe depression a couple of years before that and was still struggling at times. I was not raised in church and very seldom went, but yet I felt the need to pray. My prayers were answered during my college graduation, the day we met. I started going to church by myself, felt like that was where I was suppose to be. We were married 9 months after our 1st date, by his dad, who was a minister. We have been married for over 20 years and God has strengthen our relationship more than I can ever imagine. We have had obstacle to overcome, but we did it together. I have a friend that looks at my marriage and acts so jealous, because she doesn’t feel she has that with her husband. I learned a long time ago that you can’t compare, because you can only see what people let you see. Life and marriage is not perfect! It takes constant work and faith. I can see that with the way you talk about your husband! God put it on your heart to share your insecurities knowing you could touch other lives! God Bless You!! In Christian Love, AJ

  10. Mary-the boondocks blog

    Welcome to the messy group. I think by definition being a blogger makes you a mess. It is not physically possible to be on top of everything that blogging requires. You are in good company Liz.

  11. Kim Taylor

    Thank you for being honest. I think too much of what we all see on Social Media is hype and smoke and mirrors. Everyone feels like they are behind or slackers and can’t make that perfect meal or design that perfect room in our house. I love open and honest and real blogs. I love knowing that I am not the only one who loves to be home with just my husband and the TV and not another soul. Have a blessed day and just remind yourself to breathe!

  12. Yvonne Bullinger

    Well you are a beautiful mess! More than that, you are real and come with flaws just like the rest of us. We all have them. You are brave for sharing your ups and downs. I love following your Blog and have been to the store a time or two. I have a couple booth spaces too, My Nest is at The Yankee Pedlar in Grand Haven and at the Front Porch in Muskegon. Hunting and sharing treasures is therapy for me. Your style & creativity are inspiring. Thanks for sharing! xoxox Yvonne Bullinger

  13. Lynda

    Your honesty is so refreshing! You are so right when you say we all have our ups and downs. Life throws us crazy, happy, sad moments and it’s us getting through all of them that make us who we are. I relate to the part when you say you struggle with meeting people and have anxiety in doing so. Thanks for sharing!! You are inspiring…

  14. Christine Irvine

    Sweet girl, you are human! And a beloved child of God. Life is messy and we all have our struggles. Many, many, many women struggle with anxiety and depression. It is more common than you think. You have had many losses in life, and do a lot of things. Maybe take life a bit slower…and always take time to take care of your body, your soul, and most of all your spirit. I am glad God gave you a good partner in life to share the bad times as well as the good. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  15. Jen

    It’s as if I wrote this myself. I hate the battle within at times of wanting to be sad or angry but knowing I need to see the beauty around me pick up my feet and push forward. You are not alone!

  16. Terri Hop

    Oh dear Liz, you are God’s beautiful daughter and he loves you exactly the way you are! No one is perfect, you know like you’ve heard before — we are all imperfect people living in an imperfect world! We are all messy — messy, messy, messy! If it helps to know you are in good, messy company! Thank you so much for sharing this with the world! It’s good to know God loves us just the way we are! Don’t change anything!

    You are a very talented, messy lady though, ambitious, and sweet, and kind, and an awesome friend, and the list goes on! Keep up the great work — God put you here for a purpose and it seems like you are right on track! I’ll remember you in my prayers today! I know a lot of messy people and they are some of my favorites!

    Sending a big hug your way! The best the day has to offer is wished for you!
    Warm wishes from very messy nana!

  17. yuni

    Liz, I don’t think I could adore you more. Thanks for sharing not only your passions and gifts with the world but also your heart. I loved meeting you and Jose at Haven and it reaffirmed how genuine and kind you both are. I’m right along side you because I’m a hot mess too! I’m lifting up a prayer for you tonight sweet friend. You are loved and adored by our heavenly Father and are beautiful in his sight!

  18. Joyce Roseman

    Dear Liz,

    I needed to read this today. You probably won’t get around to reading my comment and that’s ok. I am a fellow sensitive soul. I wear my poor little heart right out in the open. Us artist folks are like that (I’m a guitar string jewelry artist). My friend has helped me see this is how God made me and it’s my gift to the sometimes cruel and heartless world.

    Anxiety has been getting the better of me lately. Sometimes I feel alone in my struggles…I’m almost 52, menopause is a beast, I hurt from my journey with my husband who has bipolar illness and we have often been misunderstood…and the list goes on and on.

    Because of that, we rent and there are days I feel less than because of that. I’m sure the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, etc…even when I know it may not be. Human struggle! And I’ve already cried a bucket of tears today alone over grief.

    I opened my Bible app and read about letting the peace of Christ rule in my heart and I was…for the moment…set at ease. Trust is hard when our hearts hurt, isn’t it?

    Anyway, I love that you are honest. All of us could think you live a pain free life. Who does really? We just have different sorrows. What I need and what you need is someone who will carry our bucket of sorrows for us or help us carry our own bucket of pain.

    Thanks for sharing. I’m a new fan and I’m in awe of your work and I feel inspired. I’ve used your ideas to decorate our apartment home. For now that is where God has placed us and that is where we shall bloom by his grace. God Bless!

  19. Bekah

    You are a simply lovely and genuine person, Liz, and I always appreciate your honesty! You are always so good at reminding me to look for the positive in every situation, but I love that you will just level with the fact that life is hard sometimes, as well! We are all beautiful messes! 🙂 I really struggle with feeling like I am constantly failing, behind on life, and get intense anxiety and especially social anxiety as well! I know it can be so paralyzing. I pray for you a lot with your fertility journey you have been so open about, since mine has been a challenge as well and I know it must be really tough. Thanks for being such an authentic person, you are very appreciate by me and many other people as well!!!

  20. Terri

    Dear girl (yes, I’m old enough to be your mom!), I read your post yesterday and have thought on it since.. I just want you to know that you are not really a mess. Not at all. You’re perfect just like you are. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. I admire you, am inspired by you and value you as a blogger and I know there are many, many who feel the same. xo

  21. Megan

    Thank you for this Liz! I also struggle with social anxiety and I have been working to be more open about it so it’s makes me happy to see others are as well!

  22. Jana

    From a person who is surrounded by loved ones who struggle with anxiety, I know what it took for you to send this out into the world. YOU are amazing. You are brave. You probably have no idea what you did for some who needed to read this. OX.

  23. Alison Werdann

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Liz. I’ve been a follower for just over a year and I actually visited The Found Cottage this last May. Funny (?) enough, I struggle with anxiety, as well, but I do my best every day to combat it by putting myself out there in the world. I am from Michigan, but I’ve lived in South Carolina the last few years. I was in town, visiting my family and had to make a trip to your shop to explore all the beautiful treasures as well as say “hi” to you. I’m sure it feels so strange having so many people follow your blog and know all about you, but you don’t know them! That’s just part of the gig, huh? 😉 Anyway, because of my anxiety, I have hyper-sensitivity to other people’s emotions and I remember telling you I live down south (since I know you and your husband lived in NC for years) and you commented on my SC necklace and immediately turned to your friend and said “awkward…” Haha! So I’m longwindedly saying that genuine spirit is what people love about you and they certainly don’t find it awkward. At least that’s what my husband tells me about me and my awkwardness… 😛 Have an awesome day!

  24. Denise Dufresne

    I somehow came across your website and you are very inspiring. I agree we all have our struggles, I’ve learned to take one day at a time.
    I am a mom of two wonderful young men ages 18 and 22. Very challenging!! I love them with all my heart but there comes a time when you realize they are not little boys anymore. So I have come up with some ideas to begin to have my own life, do things for me! What makes me happy. I’ve begun to think about taking up a hobbie of buying old pieces of furniture and bringing them back to life. My first project is an old cedar chest-Lane from 1957 bought it off craigslist for $40. Paint needs to be stripped and sanded, I’m thinking about a natural stain. Never did anything like this before but im going to TRY it! If I can I’ll send pics!
    Thank you for being real, your not a mess, your inspiring!😊

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