Wow. 10 years of marriage today. Funny because in a way it feels like we are still on our honeymoon & in another way it feels like it’s been a lifetime. We’ve been through military life, deployments, living 17 hours from home for 8 years, 7 years of infertility, miscarriages, 7 babies in heaven, lots of moves, opening a store, & finally ending up at our farm after all that. I still feel like the 15 year old girl who walked down the stairs at a friend’s house and saw him for the first time & instantly knew he was the one. But I also feel like the 29 year old woman who after 13 years of being his and 10 years of marriage has so much deep love that he feels like literally a part of me. Marriage is the most wonderful thing when you get to be married to your best friend. I still thank God for him every single day in every single prayer I pray & I will until our time is up here… I could never tell him how much I love him, but I hope he feels it every single day.
10 years… it still doesn’t feel real. But when I really sit back and think about it those 10 years feel more real. As I looked In the backseat of our jeep on our way up to northern Michigan for a weekend anniversary getaway today & saw it complelty empty my heart stopped. I think we stay so busy with work & life that I never sit back and really think that it’s been 10 years of marriage, a decade, 7 years of infertility, and 7 babies in heaven, with no baby in our back seat. Tears filled my eyes as we drove & I didn’t want to ruin the moment because Jose and I were just singing at the top of our lungs and laughing, but then it happened… I looked out the window as the tears were rolling down my face & all the sudden after miles of driving by millions of trees on the highway there were a clump of trees together with signs on them that said “God is good” & other things like that. What?!? I mean, if there was ever a sign from God that He is in control & that His plan is perfect. God wants that backseat empty right now as He is filling up other area of our lives.
On one hand I feel so blessed to just be the two of us and being able to be with each other & nurture our relationship daily, get us time, be able to work on our dreams with total focus, & have every day be time for us as best friends to grow deeper in love & prepare for future babies. But on the other hand we have the desire to be parents especially after 10 years of marriage and so many losses that I’m not going to lie 10 years feels like a lot. It feels like a decade of waiting for Gods promise to come to fruition & it makes me, as a human, doubt that I was ever meant to be a mom here on earth. I know that’s bad and a sad thought to think, but it’s true and I never want to sugar coat things for you guys. As we approached 10 years of marriage I’ve been having darker days.. not because of the milestone of marriage, but the milestone of 7 years of infertility. It’s exhausting especially when you have no answers, no clear path, and when some days I feel like no one understands what we are going through you feel like you have no support system. The comments about us not having kids, the insensitivity, the unkindness that comes from people who don’t understand… it is exhausting to be strong and brave all the time. So the anxiety, anger, depression, & loneliness has been more than it ever has been lately, but I know that it won’t always be like this & that’s what keeps me going.
I thought I would come on here to say something profound today on our 10 year anniversary with no kids here on earth and to give you advice on how it is, but I think all I can do today is share my honest heart with you all. Because really if you sit back and look, this is one beautiful life. We all have trials, hurdles, anxieties, and stresses & by golly that’s normal. All I can say is that I’m so thankful that I’m married to a man who tells me daily that “if it were just us two for the rest of our lives he would be the happiest man alive & if we get the gift of children he will also be the happiest man alive as longs as we see together.” That statement brings me so much peace because it doesn’t make me feel like a failure or not enough. I’m thankful that after 7 years we have started seeing a naturopathic doctor who I feel like we art starting to make progress with. I’m thankful that we have way more good days than bad days. Im thankful for “us” time that I will never take for granted. Im thankful for the bounty of blessings God has given us through our season of waiting. I’m thankful for family, the farm, our store, & I’m thankful for you guys… supporting, loving, & truly caring about us through this journey we are on. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I don’t know where I would be on this fertility journey without you guys sharing your stories, your hope, and your encouragement.. thank you! So here we are 10 years of marriages & no kids her on earth… I’m still filled with hope today & ready to see God’s plan unfold. I hope that whatever you are going through that you don’t feel alone, empty, sad, scared, or stuck… I hope you know this is just a season & that there is beauty among this mess. & I truly hope you see that beauty. Xx
Liz yal are so much in love and it’s a blessing to see, happy 10 year anniversary to you both. I wish I could write you a note to help heal your heart because I personally know your loss and as a newly 50 year old I have accepted mine, as much as a think a woman can. I admire your strength and your spirit and your faith in God. We are all so small but have such a big part to play if we choose to. Your amazing and know whatever God has in store for the both of you, he is always there to take you there and through it. I wish you both all the happiest in the world, thanks for your inspiration and witness to us all. God Bless, and give your two sweet puppies and that beautiful fluffy Grace a hug, she’s getting so big.
Thank you for sharing this. What a blessing to have a man who’s there for you. I relate so much to you. We’re on our 11th year of marriage, 3 miscarriages and dealing with PCOS and fertility issues. We haven’t given up, but we decided to save and take a year to travel coming up soon. I got tired of waiting and this new dream fills me up. At times I love having just us two, but deep inside I can’t wait to be a mother and come back from our trip to focus again on our fertility journey. Reading your post lets me see I’m not the only one in this situation like it feels sometimes. I just pray that God keep giving us couples going through this journey, the strength and patience that is so highly needed. And that in the meantime, He gives us a sense of purpose and dreams and directions that help us cope. Blessing for you two and thank you for being so open all the time about your journey.
Congrats Liz & Jose, It warms my heart from the day I met you from your journey to your honesty in your posts and recently in person… I am battling the same dark times my husband and I have had similar journey– military life, 5 years of marriage, and miscarriages later and sill no miracle of God yet.. We keep hoping and waiting but we have put our trust in the Lord and if it is meant to be he is the only one who can make it happen. Thanks for sharing your journey it really helps… your not alone…
Faith, Trust and Baby Dust!
God Bless you and Jose! Happy 10th Anniversary! You are so fortunate to have such a strong relationship. Not only are you able to lean hard on one another when the days get dark but you seem to also be guiding lights for each other on those days too, finding the bright side even though it’s not what you pictured.
I don’t know if it’s weird or sweet, but your blog got me through some of my hardest days of infertility. Month after month. Failed IVF cycle after cycle. 7 babies in heaven who I never got to meet. I prayed for you then when I prayed for my own babies. Thousands and thousands of dollars later. Millions of tears. Years of heart break, hormones, stress, disappointment and fear. After all that, my prayers have been answered. We have 4 month old twin boys. I still pray every day for my beautiful life, and i pray for you when I thank God for my twins. I hope God’s plan aligns with yours soon. Xoxo
Ah my sweet friend. So well said. We just reached our 12 year anniversary this month and I have struggled knowing I’m infertile since I was 17 so I totally relate. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and to hold on to faith. Thank you for sharing your heart and I truly hope you have a wonderful anniversary trip together. Praying for you and your journey!
-Karen (mrsrollman)
Happy Anniversary! Thanks for sharing your beautiful home and sometimes painful paths life takes with all of us. I’m sure there are times when the words are so painful you can hardly write them. Thank goodness you have such a wonderful husband to share your journey with . I will pray that if is Gods p!an you look back one day and see a little Liz or Jose in the back seat. Best of wishes!
Beautiful post……still praying for you both.
Your words are inspiring to so many. Happy anniversary and God bless you both.
Married almost 20 years, no kids! It used to bother me, but not anymore. We’ll never know why God doesnt give good people children.
Happy Anniversary!! I wish I could take your pain away. My husband and I had out first at 10 years and our second at 15 years. We got so sick of hearing questions and comments. Just take comfort in each other and in God. I wish there was an answer or something to make it better, but just know that there are others that have been there and are praying for your comfort and for each other.
Happy 10 year anniversary! That’s so awesome! After countess doctors appointments, blood draws, ultrasounds, an MRI, two surgeries and the passing of my beloved fertility doctor, My husband and I are going on two years of fertility issues. When I read your posts about your fertility journey I can’t help but feel like I’m reading my own thoughts sometimes and knowing we are not alone in this struggle is invaluable. I also agree that, like you and your husband, I couldn’t do it if my relationship with my husband wasn’t so strong. I often have to remind myself that no matter how tough our fertility journey becomes, I don’t want it to make me forget how amazing my life is. Thank you for sharing everything with your readers and know we are all on the same team and rooting for each other! Also, have you tried acupuncture? I’ve had two sessions so far and really like it.
Dear Liz Marie,
Happy Anniversary! My prayers are with you, you courageous and caring woman, and the women above!
I love your decorating and quite frankly your open heart and whimsical ways. You express that so contagiously through your sites. I have read your fertility story and I resisted commenting for a couple of years but figured it couldn’t hurt. No need respond as I cannot fathom being as busy as you seem to be.
The short version my Aunt tried to get pregnant and have a baby without miscarriage for 16 years. I tried the same for several years as well. We both went to an acupuncturist in Framingham MA, Dr. Nie who is 80 and has been practicing and taught in China since his 20’s I believe. He gave us a set of simple rules, relax, no stressing, no unhealthy diy projects, eat well, be healthy, no coffee… He worked on my aunt, my husband and myself. After conception it was imperative we women continued going per his routine up until the end of pregnancy. He clearly stated his thoughts and our chances.
I thought I would share in case you wanted to pray about that route for you and Jose and if you decided on acupuncture that you go to someone very experienced and for the duration… I hope I didn’t leave anything out in my forgetfulness. Of course no pressure just a thought!
Our prayers are with you. It is interesting to me that you are already in a manner of speaking a “mother” to so many through your blogs.
Prayers for all God has in store for you all, amen!
Happy Anniversary! You and your husband are so blessed to have one another. I certainly am not trying to be insensitive to your situation, as I have not been in the unfortunate position to understand the pain of miscarriage, but have you ever considered adoption? Many more years of happiness to you and your husband.
Happy anniversary! I am not trying to be insensitive, but have you thought about adoption? My grandmother was adopted after her parents were killed. At the time there was such a stigma about adoption and she didn’t talk about it. But her adoptive family gave her security, siblings and the love she needed to carry her through her life. Without them she may not have been able to be the wonderful, loving mother she was to my dad, who was then able to pass that love onto me and my siblings. There are so many children who aren’t lucky enough to have a stable, loving family. Perhaps you and your husband could be the family that gives that to them.
Thank you for sharing your heart in such a sweet post. I understand where you are at. My husband and I have been trying for 7 years, with 2 miscarriages. When we switched to our current fertility doctor last year, we finally conceived. As much as our miscarriages broke my heart, without them, I never would have believed that we could even conceive. When people ask when we are going to have kids, or why we just don’t adopt, or why can’t the doctors figure out what’s wrong, it hurts. I applaud your strength and character for sharing your journey. The only advice I can give you is to never stop believing ? Wishing you both a very happy anniversary!
Happy anniversary to both of you. I can see how much love in you guys. It is great to have someone you love to stay with you for all ups and downs. And please don’t give up hope on trying pregnant. If something is taken away, a better thing will be given in your life. I could feel how hard it is for you. But I will pray for you. A bundle of joy will join your life soon. 🙂
Happy Anniversary!!!! I had my daughter when we were married almost 12 years. I had a miscarriage before and one after. The one after was harder. Now my sweet girl is struggling to get pregnant. I truly believe God has a plan and that he has one for the two of you as well.
My friends tried and tried and so they went to Guatemala and while staying there and then traveling home with sweet Meredith, Amy wasn’t feeling well. Yes she was pregnant with Ned. Two little ones close in age. They knew they were blessed. Then a few years later they went back to Guatemala and adopted William because they felt that was what was meant to be.
You have the most amazing love between the two of you. I know you will pray and figure out your path and the path that God has planned for you both. Thank you for sharing your feelings on your posts. I agree with others that I come to your posts to get away from all the sadness in the world. You and Jose are the best.
Happy 10th Anniversary Liz and Jose. You are so clearly deeply in love with each other, you are true soul mates with amazing dedication and support for each other and that is the most wonderful thing. Your photos together are just beautiful and really capture your deep love. I wish you both every success with your new naturopathic Dr.
Happy Anniversary! We just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary last week, and it’s been 7 years of infertility for us as well, but no pregnancies to speak of. I love reading your blog and everything that you share. I know some days are harder than others, especially when you’re surrounded by people who don’t really understand what you’re going through, but I hope those darker days are behind you 🙂 again, happy anniversary! You two are just adorable 🙂
Dear Liz,
There are no words for the amount of loss you have had, you handle it with such grace and faith. I couldn’t do it, our 1 misscairage and 2 years of infertility made me seriously depressed. I thought that God had told me I would have kids in all sorts of small signs but at 36 years old it seemed that it wouldn’t happen. Magically I got pregnant this year but I’m now in the hospital on bedrest. Life never stops and there’s always a new challenge. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve felt your pain and am in awe of how you have handled it. Your an inspiration and I’m glad you can keep your faith even in the dark times. I love your blog it inspires me and your in my prayers. Thanks for being so open.
HaPpY AnNiVeSaRy!
You. Are. Enough.
I know the heartache. Praying for y’all that the desires of your hearts are granted info His time.
You. Are. Enough.
AND
You. Are. Loved.
Great post! Thank you for sharing your journey. Happy Anniversary! I wish you both many more years of love and abundance. May God grant you the wish of someday being parents. You are a true inspiration and very strong woman. Your husband should be very proud of you. May God bless you both always. ??
I don’t know how long ago I found you, but I do know that it’s been years + years! I would keep coming back to your blog periodically to see how you’re doing, see if there’s any babies yet- and it breaks my heart what you’ve been through. I don’t know you personally, but in a way I feel like we are friends because you’re so open with your story! You’re such an inspiration- you are so positive and you continue to praise God’s name even in the hardest trials! I know that God has a special plan for your lives and HE will make everything beautiful in HIS time! I can’t wait for the day I check your blog and see a I’M PREGNANT blog post! I know I’m just going to start bawling! You’re in my thoughts and my prayers. xoxo
Nice post, very interesting, thank you, but sara is right: https://cosmetic.stream has great stuff about facial mask review too… but your style is definitely better!
Please don’t ever, ever feel like you weren’t meant to be a mom. There were times I felt like that and it’s just not true. You will be a mom and Jose will be a dad and you’ll be the most wonderful parents ever. I truly believe that!
I’m new to your blog. We went through infertility too it was hard and very sad. But God had other plans for building our family. I know so many want biological children but God plan for us was adoption. I can’t begin to tell you how God plan was so much bigger than mine. that was in 2000. My girls are now 17 and 13 years old adopted as babies. I look at those girls and say God knew better than me. I was meant to be their mother. Love is love.
Hey Liz! We met years ago at my sweet friend Melissa’s baby shower here in New Bern at your old house. I don’t know of anyone had talked to you about using cbd oil for your health, to being your body to homeostasis… Actually Melissa.uses it too… Anyway there is a lot.of good info online about it helping with pcos. Just wanted to mention it in case you’ve never heard of it. I use it too. Xoxo Jen
Thank you for continuing to share your heart so openly. It warms my heart and for sure has such a positive effect on those that read it. I have had one miscarriage, very early, and the pain from that is still so deep, even three years later. Thanks for sharing.
Also, I love that you guys met and married so young. I was 15 when we started “dating” and I too knew he was it. Now after 18 years together and 13 yrs married I love him so much more.
Happy Anniversary! This is from someone who has never had a biological child. We were married 14 years when a miracle child dropped into our lives. We weren’t even trying to adopt because doctors were still trying things they thought might help. We will celebrate our 43rd anniversary in November and our son is now 28 and is still a miracle to us. God is definitely in control.
I was overwhelmed by your story. What a journey you and your husband have had. I have never been in your shoes so please forgive me if I say something insensitive. There are so many children that will never have a stable home or loving parents and I always think that adoption is a wonderful solution to both problems. I feel that God needs us to step out of our comfort zone at times so that his plans for our life can come to fruition.
Hello, I have never commented on a blog before but, called to do so today. My experience is different from yours. I am 73 years old, been married 51 years, and have three biological children + 8 grandchildren. At age 54 my husband and I decided, after our children were grown and married, to become foster parents. We have parented 13 babies/toddlers through drug dependency/surgeries until they were adopted. Then a baby boy came into our home at 4 months old. He came as a hospice baby and not expected to live more than a few weeks. We were frightened, but we nervously welcomed him for whatever time he had left on this earth. We eventually adopted him and our sweet boy lived 10 years, not ten days. To say we went around the cup and through the handle with Isaiah would be an understatement. However, Isaiah and the rest of the kids, were truly-truly some of the deepest blessing we’ve had in this life. I realize that everyone wants a healthy baby. I did too. But sometimes these little tykes come into the world desperately needing someone to keep them safe and loved. Every community has a Foster to Adopt program. The whole process is easy to access and there is lots of support along the way. The challenges are many, but the rewards are greater. It isn’t the answer for every couple. However, it is a journey that is available for the willing. I will assure anyone out there that as much as I love my biological children, I love Isaiah equally. My husband and I treasure the time we were privileged to be his parents.
Aww, happy 10th anniversary Liz! I’m so sorry for your losses! I have a baby in heaven too but 1 is very different from 7!! My heart grieves for you but God is always faithful… sometimes that is all we have to hold on to, even when He chooses not to remove the obstacle standing in our way. Praying for you ❤
While I can’t begin to understand the pain and frustration you have been through, the beautiful words you wrote describing your relationship with your husband were amazing. To keep this kind of relationship strong during stressful times is wonderful. My prayers are with you and may your marriage continue to be strong and fulfilling.
Hi Liz,
I just want to encourage you today with this testimony. My oldest son, and his wife have been married for 17 years. After they had been married for about four years they decided to try to have children, never imagining it would be years of loss and heartache. After trying for many years they went through all the fertility treatments available and no baby. Finally they got pregnant and it seemed it was the miracle we had long prayed for, but at 9 weeks the baby expired. I was devastated and in all my years of knowing the Lord I felt so hurt and confused by the loss. Fast forward to about 2 years later after deciding to stop trying any treatments and accepting that they would be childless, they got pregnant on their own!!! It was the miracle we had prayed and prayed for over 13 years and now we have a precious little girl, who is 9 mos. old now! So, don’t give up, keep praying and believing your God…nothing is impossible for Him! Happy Anniversary and many more!
Happy Anniversary sweet couple. Thank you for sharing you heart and your life. We all have so much to be grateful for, but it sure is hard to remember that sometimes when the one thing we are waiting for is out of reach. You have my continued prayers!
Never, EVER give up….and by the way, I can see how it was love at first sight for you….your sweetie is SUCH a hunk…xoxo
I just lost my love of 57 years in July and am in such a dark and hurtful place right now. Please say a prayer for me…and I say prayers for you all the time.
Happy Anniversary! Feel your heartache and the joy of having such a caring husband to walk this path. Our kids are now 29, 28, and 27 all almost exactly a year apart. Our oldest was adopted after we were told that infertility treatments were not going to work (also 7 years). The next two were blessings from God with out the aide of any medical stimulus. God has blessed us before their births, through the growing up journey, and now back to being the 2 of us. Lots of tears, and crying out to the Lord then and now. Someday we will see He his plan more clearly.
Hello Liz Marie,
I wrote a comment from Germany a longer time ago about Factor 5 – Mutation in blood that affects coagulation. I wonder if you got this. Did anyone check it out ? It is not well known but very easy to treat ….
I wish all the best for you,
Sassa
Happy Anniversary. You are a beautiful couple. Whenever I read your posts I pray for you. I relate to your story a little because we had a few miscarriages before becoming pregnant so the heart ache I remember so vividly.
There’s so much that I want to say about this post. 1st: Happy 10th Anniversary. Love the stunning photos of you and your husband 2nd: If that is your house and porch, lortttt, it is beautiful. I’ve subscribed to your blog for quite a while and (to be honest) it often got lost in the minutia of all the other emails and was not read. But this particular post really stuck out and hit me on a personal level….My husband and I just lost our daughter, Emmy, on Wednesday (9/27/17) She was delivered at 23 weeks and survived for 10 days. I am only in the beginning of my grief right now. I want you to know that I hope to use this blog post as a beacon of hope to my marriage and other aspects of my life. Thank you for that.
You could adopt…
The title of your post today really got my attention. I haven’t been reading your blog all that long, but from what I’ve read, I see that your miscarriages are a big part of who you are. I understand that. I am one of the other millions who have been through it as well. You have a beautiful blog, an amazing store, a sweet husband, and more blessings than most of the world’s population. I am not trying to be mean, but what has happened to you, does not define you. You are more than your circumstances. Focus more on your blessings and less on what’s missing. Motherhood, as you imagine it, may never happen for you, but you can “mother” others. There are more than 100000 children in foster care in the United States. Maybe your someone is waiting there. 🙂
Happy Anniversary Liz Marie! I have started to read your blog because I yearn to find a connection to someone who knows exactly what I have been living through. It’s easy for people to say adopt and I get those comments all too frequently too. Most of those people can’t relate and don’t see the insensitivity of that comment. There is so much more behind that “adopt” comment that people don’t realize. Like, do they know the joy of being pregnant and taking care of that child growing inside and then the sorrow and pain when it is torn away. Like, the dream of giving birth and holding your child that is made from both you and your soul mate that is so strong you are willing to endure the pain of multiple miscarriages. No one can possibly imagine unless they go through it. I am childless, been married for 6 years, and have suffered through 4 miscarriages where one of them almost killed me (ectopic). I will not stop fighting to carry my own child. Perhaps time will heal and I can explore an egg donor or adoption, but that is a personal decision only my husband and I can make. For now, I will continue to fight and thank God for giving me the gift of knowledge to become successful.
So lovely that you two are happy and keep finding happiness together. I feel your struggle. I am 40 now and we had to give up, we live on regardless and try to make the best of things, but I will not blame myself for not being the person I used to be. Or could have been. Some sorrows are just deeper than others, it is not just one loss, it is a continuous loss. The not having children is the largest, then not being part of the community the same way, not counting in your own family the same way, not becoming a grandmother. Being exposed to other peoples ideas of why women do not have children, I do not have a great career to hold out as a justification for my loneliness, from 27 to 38 I was on pause, on hormones, sad. I have had to step away from so many people bc I could not listen to another advice on adoption, fostering, acupuncture, relaxing… I finally had the courage to give up on hoping, hope is not always a positive force, it can be toxic beacuse as long as I hoped I did not need to really start the grieving process…. I wish I could go back at 25 and ge a do-over, I regret so much, I have lost so much, I have gotten so used to failure that my whole perception of living has changed. Everyone has to find their own way, I think advice should be limited to take care of yourself and do not judge yourself too harshly. Not everything that does not kill you makes you stronger, somethings just makes you sad and more fragile. So, take care and be kind to yourself. I hope you keep finding happiness
Liz have you thought about adoption? We are! So many beautiful children needing love!
I don’t understand how people could leave hurtful and insensitive comments on your page. I’m so sorry you experience this because your courage and soft heart is so inspiring. Your story is heart wrenching and the only thing you need from people is support and understanding. I think that God does want you to be a mother because you are obviously so passionate; and your desires are so strong for it but possibly you are looking for motherhood in the wrong places. Maybe you are meant to do something bigger and greater in changing the lives of many others? Keep your heart open and maybe the answer will be right in front you and you didn’t even realize it. I follow your blog quite often and just realized today we decorated our living room in the same colors ;). I’m glad I stopped by again and read this post. Love, prayers & hugs girl. God is good. <3