I did it. I finally asked for help. After years of battling with this beast & feeling like it was a losing battle I asked for help & I’m so glad that I did. What’s the beast you ask? Anxiety mixed with a whole lot of depression. It’s a beast that I avoided confronting for so long, but it was time….
A week ago today I finally saw a doctor solely for my anxiety. You know how weird it was for me, a seemingly peppy happy girl to walk into a doctors office & tell him that I was depressed & filled with anxiety? I guess it was weird because of the stigma we have about depression. Only sad, down on their luck, helpless people are depressed right? Because of the stigma about anxiety and depression I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be depressed because I live a very good life & God has blessed us with so much. I have learned over time that depression isn’t about how good we have it, but rather the inability to see that good because of how our brains are wired. I’ve never opened up about how there has been some beautiful sunny days where I’ve had a million fun things to do & a wonderful husband to do them with that I couldn’t physically get up out of bed because of this beast that was like a dark cloud and making it physically impossible to move because of how bleak it was making life look. I’ve never opened up about the physical pain I get from social situations, the thought of gatherings, & just about making plans in general. I’ve never opened up about my irrational fear of opening texts, emails, comments, or answering phone calls in fear of it being something bad. I’ve never opened up about how tense my body is at the end of the day, about how my chest hurts from being so tight all day, about how just about everything makes me worry from peoples thoughts, opinions, & an irrational fear of just about everything. I’ve never opened up about how on most days every task seems impossible & so nothing gets done or at least the stuff that needs to get done. I could keep going… it’s like now that I started opening up about my anxiety, it’s like word vomit about the beast I’ve been dealing with. I didn’t talk about it because I didn’t think anyone cared, it was easier to keep it to myself, & I thought it was just the way I was & that I was just being silly. Well, it is the way I am. It’s how I’m made. It’s how I function. But it doesn’t have to always be this way, & I’m not silly.
Some may say “Well, of course Liz is battling depression after seven miscarriages & seven years of infertility.” & yes, that has for sure made my anxiety and depression more prevalent in my life, but it has always been there. I can remember as a child not being able to define it, but this has always been there. Nervous everyday at school, anxious everyday about things kids shouldn’t worry about, & always having this beast follow me around wherever I went. He eventually grew into something that was unmanageable & now I’m seeking help to tame him & I’m excited to live a life without worrying about him daily.
After struggling with some pretty bad panic attacks the past few months & having some pretty dark days I finally decided to seek help. It was hard to admit that I needed help, but when you get to your lowest low there is no other option. I reached out to a friend who also deals with anxiety and asked her for a doctor recommendation & she was so kind to give me the info to an amazing doctor who is now helping me take care of this beast. He was kind, compassionate, & put into words many things I could never articulate about how I was feeling. One of the things I struggled with and told him was “why isn’t prayer working” & he kindly told me that maybe my prayers had brought me there that day to get the help that I needed… & I think he was right. I no longer feel ashamed, guilty, or embarrassed by talking about this. This life that we live is an amazing one & I’m excited to get my brain on track with the rest of my body & I’m excited to see if the next steps help. I’ll share parts of this journey with you guys & part of me feels like I need to share this with you guys because sometimes pretty photos and me sharing the highlights is amazing, but I never want you to think there isn’t a struggle I face daily & that I have to look past it to see and share the beauty with you guys. If you are feeling similar to me, I hope you can see the beauty through the struggle & that you aren’t scared to ask for help. You are not alone, it’s not your fault, & what you are feeling is is totally validated & there is help. Love you all. Thank you for being here through this entire journey in the highs and the lows. xx
Thank you for sharing your struggle. By sharing you will help others identify their beast, and have the courage to seek help. God bless you on your journey.
You did it you took the first hard step! So proud of you ! You got this girl!
Bravo!!! You need to get you where your meant to be. But girl besides the blessing of health physical and mental your speaking out is helping sooo many others. You don’t have a clue. But thru your words and actions your showing a faith many never would experience with out YOU. I don’t know you personally ally but I am super proud of you!!
Prayers ?? for you and your husband. ❤️
I have it too. I think we have to be careful to divide our illness from our faith. While our faith in God is necessary, particularly with anxiety and depression—as our faithful God is our lifeline, we tend to allow guilt in a lack of faith or thankfulness to become another spirit crushing stone. Do whatever you can do to feel better, and keep clinging to Him with the knowledge that He knows exactly who you are and where your heart is. Much love…
Lisa Kay says
Thank you for sharing your struggles. I’ve have battled anxiety my whole life.. I’m guessing it’s genetic because my mother struggles as well. Although, I never give up it’s a constant battle to wake up and keep going. Always having back pain from the constant stress and pressure I put on myself. I know all to well how stressful it is. The never ending wight of never feeling like enough. I’ve been considering reaching out to find a doctor to help. I wondered myself why god hasn’t answered but I think he has. I plan to reach out and find help as well. Thank you ❤️
I am so glad you are opening up about this to help others! Many women in my family struggle with the same beast and I have seen it affect them personally. Sending hugs your way!! xoxo
Depression and anxiety is real and there is no shame, my daughter has given me two beautiful granddaughters And had one miscarriage, and we lost Chole when she was just two days old, it never goes away the loss and pain but there is always hope and joy it the things God has given me. I pray for your comfort and strength. Lean on your friends and family and all of us out here following your dream.
Thanks for sharing. Sending you love and prayers.
Martha from Houston
Jackie Bessette says
This was just what I needed today as I too recently sought help to tame a b sat as well…. and I think you and that doctor are right: prayer brought you there!! And thank you for putting words to the infertility struggle for others. God Bless!!
Christine Brown says
So proud of you for opening up about this, Liz. I too have recently reached out for help about my anxiety. It’s so nice to have someone just understand you feelings and thought process. The guy I go to helps me feel less alone and more understanding of what’s happening in my brain.
You’re loved. You’re not alone. And I’m here if you ever want to vent. Love you friend.
I’m so glad that you shared your experience with us. I too have struggled with anxiety and depression. They seem to go hand-in-hand quite often. And it finally got to the point that I had to reach out for help too, and part of that help is taking medication. I take a mild antidepressant and it helps tremendously with my anxiety and depression both. Once the medicine started working, it was like my soul just had the most wonderful sigh of relief.
It helped me get back to myself. My strong funny courageous wonderful self, and I am as powerful as I’ve ever been. I also felt guilt that my faith just wasn’t strong enough to carry me through my emotions and felt that I would disappoint God by not being strong enough.
I finally realized that that was a lie that my depression was telling me, and that God actually surrounded me with wonderful people to help me and comfort me and a wonderful doctor to help me and that there are medicines out there that can help too. And counseling, and all kinds of wonderful things.
Just know that you will get through this, and that depression is a liar.
Julie Maier says
I, too, struggle with depression. With the support of my wonderful husband I also sought help. And I will never forget when I first shared this with some of my friends. I was amazed to find out that many of them struggled with the same thing. I remember the feeling of a great weight being lifted off of my shoulders – how much stronger I felt just by knowing that I was not alone in all of this. I hope you, too, feel a little stronger knowing you are not alone in all of this. Thank you so much for sharing Liz.
Liz Thank you Thank you soo much for sharing this !!! Depression and anxiety are so real and many people have no clue . My husband suffers from this and I see everyday how hard it is for him. And it does affect our entire family , it’s hard for me sometimes to understand what it’s like for him , but I know it’s real !! Again thank you for sharing , I love your story and you willingness to share and be honest , you truly inspire me 🙂
And on another note I love , love , love Grace and Beatrix it makes me smile every time you call for them and they come running !!
Thank you for sharing! You are not alone in this and you’ll find more and more people sharing the same struggles. I’m one of them and so is my college aged son. Please keep talking about it!
I’ve done some research and have added a few things to my diet. Inositol powder (NOW brand) great for anxiety/depression/OCD and female issues.
And- vitamin B12 with folate (Jarrow Methyl B-12) and Thorne vitamin D/K2 DROPS. I
I’d be happy to share the info I’ve been given ❤️
So glad you asked for help. You’re not alone. I take duloxitine and it has helped me. You’ve been through a lot and I hope your doctors can help you.
This is everything. You are beyond brave for tackling this beast AND so courageous for sharing this with so many of your followers that are dealing with the same and have not been able to step into the light yet. You are amazing, Liz, and we love you so dearly!?
You’re such a beautiful strong person for opening your heart to everyone about your struggles Liz. I admire you so much for seeking help…❤️ The best is yet to come xx
Tanya Hersant says
See how many responses there are, saying ‘I have it too’?. You are not alone, even though that’s what your brain tells you. I’ve battled it for most of my life. Every word you wrote rings true.
I know how hard it would have been, opening up like that, but incredibly glad you did. The more people with a public platform, open up, hopefully will lessen, if not eradicate the stigma.
Bless your gorgeous soul ???
Huge hugs…huge. Took so much courage. Way to go!!! ❤️
This was me 3 years ago. I have always dealt with anxiety & OCD since I was a little girl & as you get older it gets harder & harder to handle- I had a breaking point- my body was in physical pain from all of the anxiety- by body was physically & mentally exhausted- I didn’t want to leave the house – my husband couldn’t bear to see me suffering like I was & basically told me I had to go see a psychiatrist or he was going to admit me into a hospital. I know what you mean about the prayers & I think your doctor is so right… the Lord has led you to the start of your healing- never feel ashamed of having to take medications or talking to someone about your anxieties- our minds are wired a certain way- that is our struggle but medication has helped me so much- I’m a different person & it had brought me closer to Jesus- it won’t be easy at first to get through it but just surrender it all to God- pray to Him knowing that all of this is for your good & His glory. Trust in Him & His plan. You will have good days & bad days- being a Christian doesn’t mean living a perfect happy life everyday- it means trusting in the Lord to get you through & He is holding your hand- ask Him to carry you on the days you need Him to…He is faithful & He will never leave your side. And when you start feeling better- because YOU WILL- give Him all of that glory. Praying for you tonight.
Thank you so much for opening up and sharing all your thoughts ? it is so hard to deal with, and to admit … but like that dr said – you were brought there because of prayer! And while I read this all tonight this is exactly what I needed to hear after being in tears for most of the day and having a panic attack once again… you are an answer to my prayers and I just need to find another dr ? thank you
Denise Crowther says
You are so brave to share your story and your struggles. I believe that when we put things in the light God blesses us. You can be so proud of yourself for taking the steps that you have. I can’t imagine the pain that you must feel with all your loss. God is using your story to help others. It’s so powerful to be real and honest. God is going to do more than you can imagine. Keep your faith keep moving forward. Thank you for all the beauty that you share.
Liz, you have described my life and you are definitely not alone. I know all about the daily guilt you feel when you’re supposed to feel happy because you “have it all”, but you can’t, when you lay away at night crying because you feel ungrateful or you feel something bad is going to happen…The physical chest pain and panic attacks sent me to the ER I don’t know how many times because I thought I was having a heart attack.
The days when you feel great, the days when you don’t, the comments even from a doctor: you’re depressed? But you’re so pretty, you don’t LOOK like you are…I’ve been through it all.
I’m glad you went to get help and found someone good to talk to, it helps a lot.
I will keep you tightly in my prayers my dear, think good thoughts, take deep breaths.
Rhonda M. says
It isn’t always easy to take that step; the step where you stop worrying about what everyone will think if you go to seek help. Liz I personally have dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life, it seems looking back now since I was a young child when my father had to leave for work to another country for a year and I saw the struggles my mom faced while alone with two young girls. I think I internalized her pain and anguish because all I have ever wanted since then was to see her happy since then and to never have to worry again. I tried taking that worry away and always being there for her and doing so I have given up on a life for myself and that is not what she would have wanted. Anxiety scares me so much to look for a new job, friends, I even worry about what clothes I wear and how I will be excepted by everyone or if I will be good enough. My depression and fear have kept me from succeeding in a career in the art world in any fashion even though I have had a degree for over 20 years. Depression has made me settle in my life for just about everything out of fear of failing or succeeding. Like someone else wrote in is a Liar. It tricks you into second guessing yourself and your worth, makes you question so many of your daily decisions which on some days seem so simple you would normally laugh about it. I used to be a very happy, outgoing child, full of life and adventure and my battle has taken so much from me also. I to have lost a child, it was the happiest time of life when I was pregnant so I know your pain. Through many doctors, many surgeries, injections, specialists, and so much physical pain to just have what “everyone else has” so normally has been a tough battle. You inspire me! You reach out and make us all smile with your love for your husband, your beautiful decorations, and your joy at the holidays and never to leave out your beautiful animals. Grace and Beatrice and all the fur babies give so much love. Embrace them, your husband, God of course, and yourself for being strong enough to take that first step. There is no stigma to health and happiness, keep reaching for it daily and keep pushing that monster back. Some days he will come back and fight you, and some days it might be a lot more than just a day. It’s a struggle and you will get through it, not always easy but you will get through it I promise.
Liz, you are such a strong, amazing spirit. You are, and I am certain it wasn’t easy to share this, but I am completely in awe of you for it. You were so smart to seek help ❤️ I believe God wanted me to read this and pray for you. Sending love and prayers.
Rebecca Wilson says
I cried when I read your post Liz. I can relate in so many ways. Your blog has always been the ray of sunshine I seek on dark days. Your images are beautiful and your messages are full of hope and love. Your struggle shines light on the things that we like to keep in the dark. One day at time….that’s all we need to do especially if we are doing it on our knees. I will pray for peace and healing.
Thank you Liz! I hope that you do continue to share your progress because I could relate to so many things you said. Unlike you, I have not sought out help yet. But, hopefully, if I see that you can overcome this, then I can too! Thank you for being so open!
I am just sending you a ton of love.
Hi Liz- I’m not sure you read all your comments, but I really hope you read this one.
I’ve struggled with anxiety/depression my whole life. I was on pills for years and decided last year that I was done. Pills didn’t seem to work so I decided to literally stop one day. Then I saw on Facebook that a friend was taking Plexus. The way she described it seemed too good to be true so I ignored her posts for the most part. But finally one day she posted about how her husband could see a huge difference in her energy and mood. For some reason that was enough for me to just try. Why not?! I had nothing to lose. Plexus targets your gut, which is where 90% of our Serotonin is. Serotonin is directly related to depression. Plexus worked. I really did think it was too good to be true, but it was true. My body got rid of some nasty toxins that were negatively impacting my mood. I don’t talk about Plexus much, but I’d love to if you wanted to give it a try. Your doctor will likely put you on meds, and that’s okay. They work different for everyone, and if you find one that works, that would be so amazing. Plexus can work alongside that too. I also have a trusted woman that has dedicated her life to helping people. She lives in Caledonia out near Green Lake. I’m telling you, this woman is the most godly, strong woman I know. She has helped many broken people see the love and mercy of God more clearly. She’s dedicated her life to it.
I hope you find relief. Dig out truth in the Bible like it’s buried treasure. Seek the Lord and cry out to Him. In the Psalms, David struggled heavily with anxiety and depression. Cry and pray alongside his laments.
I too have struggled with depression and anxiety, but once I had the courage to get help as you did, I have felt so much better. Yes, I still have to work on it, but I have the help I needed for so long which is key! Thank you for having the courage and being so brave to share your story, as I truly believe your bravery to ask for help and share will help others. I think you are an amazing woman and I have so much respect for you!!
Thank you Liz for being so vulnerable! So many people share this struggle and feel alone in depression and anxiety. I pray that God will heal you and use your story to bring encouragement, and give others the courage to seek help also!
You are precious and loved ♥️
Michele Shannon says
Oh Liz, this is a very big ministry! I personally don’t struggle with this but I deal with close family members that do and it’s more than heartbreaking. I get so tired of the attitude “pray it away”, “have more faith”, no one would say that if someone had cancer. This was beautifully spoken and will no doubt touch and help so many people! God bless you!
So much love going out to you today!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️??????????????????????????
You are so incredibly brave for opening up to everyone and also for being courageous enough to get help. You are going to inspire so many people to do the same. I am praying for your journey to healing! Congratulations on taking the first step! Know that God is with you through every step.
I struggle with anxiety / depression as well….thank you for talking about it. It helps. *prayers for you*
What a brave thing you did by sharing your story i’m sure you have given other people the courage who feel the same to ask for help. You are such an inspiration and a beautiful soul so happy you went to speak with someone! You deserve to feel about yourself like sooo many people feel about you❤️.
Awesome job on taking the first step! My husband is a counselor. When you say doctor, I am not sure exactly what you mean but I would strongly encourage talk therapy in addition to any medications you may be given. There are many types of talk therapy that give you coping skills in conjunction with medications and can help tremendously. Good luck on finding the right balance for you!
Would you share that medication?
I was so happy to read your blog today and to find that you finally asked for help. My mother has battled depression for over 35 yrs. It’s not easy. She has had good years when she feels alright and then a dark cloud comes for a couple of months where she feels depression is never going to leave her and she doesn’t know how to make it better. She is on medication (lower dose now that she feels better) and it was really helped her. After dad passed away she started having high blood pressure and worrying about everything. Then this beast came and crushed her for almost a year. she couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. she had days when she didn’t sleep at all and she would cry and cry endlessly because she wanted to get better but didn’t know how. After being over medicated by her doctor of 30 years we finally sought the helped of a second younger doctor that helped her get back on track. You are not silly!!! This is how you are and how your brain is wired. You will get better and this is not your fault. Depression is like taking turning life’s volume down and not knowing how to turn it back up. Medication and taking to your doctor and therapist will help you see life in color again. God bless you, Liz.
Prayers & Hugs and thank you both for your service . Depression is never healthy . Take good care of the 2 of you and thank you for being brave enough to share . God Bless
I take 20mg of generic Celexa (citalopram). It works great for me.
Thanks for being so brave to share your highs and lows of life with us. I think God is using you for big things ❤️
Liz, thank you so much for sharing your struggles and taking the first step is always the hardest. Although we might not actually personally or physically have meet many of our IG followers I do feel a connection/bond with most of these ladies I feel like I’ve know them most of my life and I share their happiness and their sorrows it’s like having one huge, gigantic enormous family with lots of sisters. Rest assured we are all here together and united we will stand to calm this beast and cheer you on to your road to victory. Don’t ever feel alone, ashamed or misunderstood WE ARE ONE FAMILY!!! Love ❤️ and kisses ?
So glad you are getting help! Many people I know and love have issues with anxiety and depression and are.being helped with counseling and medication.Sending you prayers and love for continued strength and healing.
I’m glad you are getting help and also sharing. I think God can use your situation to help many other. Praying for you.
It had to be so hard to share and know that by you sharing, it will help others as well. I am so happy that you have seek ed help. It is important. Many here, including myself have sleeked help from doctors or counselors to help. I have anxiety and panic attacks. I do not suffer from depression but my 22 and 32 year old children do. And, it is difficult to watch them struggle. I want to take the pain away but cannot.
Know that so many are praying for you. You go this! God has it too!?
Many hugs to you my dear! xoxo
Mollie C says
God gave you such a wonderful ability to create your own beauty! So glad you are seeking help, depression is a REAL thing that our society doesn’t seem to accept! Take it day by day! I can tell there is lots of love for you here on your blog and at your home! Journaling is a fabulous way to document the joy you have in your life and even about your darkest days. Continue shinning bright girl…you are an inspiration to many..including myself 🙂
Cathy Weber says
You have inspired me today. I feel so much like you have described. I am looking forward to reading about how asking for help is working for you.
Susan Polacheck says
I’m so thankful that you took the step to get help so soon in your life. I too struggled with infertility, anxiety, depression and I’ve finally gotten the help I need but 20 years later than you. I had to see my teenage daughter struggle to finally force myself to get us both the help we needed. I have missed so many things during my daughter’s life due to this disease. I’m so thankful that God gave me my wonderful husband to carry on our life and do the things for all of us when I couldn’t. Jose seems to be doing the same for you – let him. This is why God gave us these fabulous men. God has blessed us both. Please know you are not alone. I just wish I had you, your blog, and your words a long time ago. Thank you.
I have dear friend who struggles with this. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story. With the love of your family, friends, new doctor, and God, you are in good hands! Each day is a blessing, and you have chosen to embrace it. Prayers to you!
Don’t feel ashamed…this is pretty common. I started having panic attacks years ago and took a few different doctors before I had it under control. Medication, lots of therapy gave me the tools I needed to be able to function. At 23 my daughter started having panic attacks so I think it’s hereditary. Remember you can’t help this!
Michelle @ The Painted Hinge says
Liz, thank you SO much for sharing this with us. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life. I’ve managed to control it with medication for most of that time, but with the onset of menopause a few months ago it’s once again reared its ugly head. I was debating whether to share my struggles on my blog, fearing people wouldn’t understand and I’d lose readers. I now realize that sharing this might help some people who are struggling too, and that is WAY more important than losing some of my readers. Thanks for giving me the courage to do it – you rock!!!
Thank you Liz for sharing your story. I deal with depression and anxiety as well. And it’s so important to talk about it. There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I think that certain personalities are affected greater by depression and anxiety and it is magnified for us. And as magnified as the depression and anxiety is for us….God is bigger. He is stronger. And He will walk us through it. The first step to getting through it, is to talk about it. Let the light shine in it. The enemy wants us to feel ashamed and hide it. But with you talking about it…and shining a light in the subject…you are not only getting it off your chest..you are also helping so many others who are going through the same thing. Keep talking about it. Keep a journal or diary. Write a book! Spread it far and wide and break the silence. God can use you to help so many who are still trying so hard to keep it a secret. We live in a fallen world. With a real enemy who wants to destroy us. It’s a spiritual war and the only way to fight back, is to put the full armor of God on. Thank you again for sharing this with us. You are braver than you know. Just remember…..Satan is a lyer. Keep exposing his lies! God bless you and keep you! ??❤️
Liz, It truly isn’t anything to be ashamed off, but for whatever reason, many in our society still don’t get it and I think that’s why we’re not open to discussing this as much as we should. My sister dealt with depression her entire life, even as she reached out for help. I’ve had some situations which made me depressed, but long story short I still take a small dose of Paxil every day. Keep going to your doctor, and know there is hope at the end of the tunnel.
Me too, girl, me too. You aren’t alone. I’m going on 13 years of battling Generalized anxiety disorder, a panic disorder, and mild depression. You aren’t alone and that is often the best feeling. I often felt crazy and alone. I found comfort in speaking with others in the same battle. I’m so glad you have a friend you are willing to trust and confide in. Jose also seems so supportive. Our pastor always says, “prayer, people, and pills…” that’s how he gets through the hard things. One of the most helpful exercises my counselor taught me to help in my anxiety is to picture the absolute worse case scenario I’m anxious about and then to visualize myself successfully getting through it. I have found it helps in many situations. You got this, girl! You have major healing headed your way. Remember, you aren’t alone!!!
Oh Liz♡ depression and anxiety sure have a stigma on them. I have battled and the other women in my extended family have too. I have had deep sadness associated with circumstance, but that isn’t what this is. I never had anxiety before 4 years ago but when it did happen wow! Mine was from fluctuations in blood sugar levels. Crazy what our bodies do.
I love your doctors answers to you about prayer♡ My depression and anxiety are slowly healing. I know that sounds hooky pooey but it’s true. In my research I have found direct links to gut health and depression/anxiety. My heart prayer was answered in the last way I expected of supplements and I’m still in shock. It’s a slow process for me and a lot of other women I know but it is changing. I’m so happy you did this for yourself♡♡♡
Lucy Beliveau says
Liz, you are very smart! No one can take better care of you than you. Depression and anxiety have plagued me since I was in my teens and I am now 68. Therapy and medication together really help. I wish you well and hope feel the happiness you deserve very, very soon!?
Thank you Liz!
Kim Dykman says
God is answering prayers and you are where you are because of your amazing love and trust! I pray for you all the time sweetie because I have a little bit of experience in some of the things you are struggling with too. I love you so much and even more for having the strength to see the Doctor and share this with all of your supporters…and there are some fabulous people supporting and praying for you! I am here for you for ANYTHING you need…well, except maybe cleaning the barn ! LOL! You will always be special to me no matter what…LOVE YOU!!!! Auntie Kim
So brave and courageous! You are not alone. Many of us deal with this beast daily. Thank you for sharing this!! ❤️❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this. My husband struggles with this and it’s a beast. Good for you for getting help. Anxiety and depression are rampant and need to be discussed, accepted and treated.
Jennifer @ Town and Country Living says
So glad you’re reaching out for help, Liz! Last year I had a huge battle with anxiety (I shared it on my blog earlier this year when I felt strong enough to talk about it). My anxiety started making me physically sick and my current doctor couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me after numerous tests for physical issues. I switched doctors and the new doc diagnosed anxiety immediately. I still have it, but I take 10 mg of citalopram per day which keeps my issues under control. I hate taking medication but the citalopram tells my brain to produce more serotonin so I can deal with daily stress. I too prayed for healing and feel God led me to switch doctors to get the issue resolved. You WILL get through this – you’ve taken the first step toward treatment. After publishing my story on my blog, I was amazed how many women left comments about their own struggles with anxiety and depression. It’s very real, and very common. I hope more people speak out like you’re doing.
Carolyn Dorsett says
Liz, I am happy for you that you adked and are getting help!! I have strggled my entire life while raising 3 sons, important and responsible job, etc. I am 76 and have taken medication and talked to therapists for years and that has gotten me through, even 13 yrs ago when my youngest son died age 27 from an overdose. No one else can ever truly feel our pain and no one can fix our lives. But, with support and medication when needed we can enjoy the life we have so much better!!!! Sending you love and support always! ????
Reading your thoughts and comments brought me to tears because I feel the exact same way and then I also feel such guilt on top of it because I avoid having my kids go on play dates or sign up for clubs/sports bc I am so anxious about leaving our home and having to socialize. I hate voicemails, texts, emails. I beg my husband to make appointments and deal with phone calls bc they make me physically sick. The stigma is real. I have always been this way. I got hurt when I was pregnant and am now disabled. I see my Dr. every month and LIE about my anxiety. It is so hard to talk about and I think it is wonderful that you are feeling brave enough to open up. I hope your prayers are answered.
Linna Grøn says
You have written it so beautifully. So many people don’t seem to understand what anxiety & depression really are like. But you said it so well. Thanks. We are many people struggling and you are brave to share your journey with the world.
Wishing you all the best on your journey towards feeling better.
Thank you for sharing Liz and know that just by doing that alone will help so many others.
God Bless your journey to being well.
Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. You are not alone in this. I too have anxiety and have for years. I am told at times that I don’t believe in God enough if I have anxiety but I know this is not true. Satan is good at lying to us and telling us we are nothing but God counts us all as special. I am so happy you were brave enough to ask for help. I will be praying the Lord will guide and lead you in this season of life
You have done the right thing! There is no shame in any of this. Sometimes we all need some help even if we are Christians. It takes a very brave person to seek help and I agree that the Lord brought you to that doctor. I hope you will soon feel like you can breathe again and the skies will be sunnier for you. You are not alone in asking for this help. I have done it also. If I could hug you right now, I would. Know that you are loved by all your readers and I and all of them want the best for you. and we are praying for you.
Gina Dean says
So very proud of you! I cheer you on and I know that prayer, doctors and courage will get you on the “other” side! Hugs!
Liz, I am so proud of you for talking about this. I too have struggled with this for years. I have come to see it as a blessing in disguise because it keeps me tethered to God. I hope over time you can look on it the same way.
Don’t let anyone shame you for choices you make. If meds are the best route for you, go that way. Nutrition is also a great option. It is wonderful that you have found a good doctor.
I am local to west Michigan if you ever need or want to talk. I will also keep you in my prayers because the I know the dark pit well. There is light though!
Just hang in there and use those close to you to help you sort out your false feelings from reality.
Suzanne Reid says
It’s a silent struggle for so many of us. And the thing is a lot of us are happy outgoing people and I’m sure people would be shocked if they knew our struggle. I have sooooo many of your symptoms. I hope it’s a little relief for us that we are not alone. I often feel I am and that people wouldn’t understand. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you’ve been suffering for so long.
Oh, Liz, you see how many of us suffer from the beast also! I have been struggling for over 30 years. I am now on citalopram, take D3/K2 and regularly see a massage therapist who has introduced me to Young Living essential oils that I feel have helped me greatly. She also is a great listener!!! I call my massages my “therapy”. Good luck with your doctor, I know GOD and prayer led you to him. Hopefully you will feel better very soon. We are all in your corner. Love and prayers to you dear girl.
Marlene Stephenson says
I am so glad you are finally getting help, when my husband died several years ago, i had to get help so i could function to make a living, so i have been there and know, i still take medication for anxiety but am a lot better after 20 years. I know you will get there, i did and there were times i thought i was going crazy. Love you and am praying.
Thank you very much for sharing. I felt like I was reading my own thoughts as I was reading this post. My health issues are different from yours but all the rest was the same. It’s terrifying to talk about it and like you said, some things you don’t even know how to articulate. I pray the best for you as you seek healing. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to take the same step.
Kathy Branam says
Depression and anxiety don’t have to be your normal, you can change it with help. I was 50 when I finally asked for help and now at 60 and 10 yrs of therapy and some meds that are now my friend for life I have control of my OCD and eating disorder. My days are good and my family and friends enjoy me more.
As someone who has struggled witth depression, I can say, I could feel it in shone of your writing. I can’t explain how, but I knew.
So proud of you for seeking wisdom from someone qualified to truly help.
I remember, about a month on meds, I thought wow. Helped my eyesight too. BECAUSE COLORS WERE BRIGHTER. Depression truly clouds everything even on your best day!
Much love to you??
The dark cloud, the physical symptoms, wondering why prayer (and reading the Bible) was not helping…I’ve been through it. Anxiety/depression runs rampant in both my mom’s and dad’s families. Some relatives take medicine for it, and some just deal with it. Ive delt with anxiety for as long as I can remember (didnt realize what it was until I became an adult). Anyways, I was at my breaking point about 2 years ago and started googling for solutions because I just felt like prescription medication wasn’t the right choice for me at the time (and nothing against anyone who takes it!). I ended up finding out about how magnesium deficiency can cause anxiety. So I bought the best one I could find on amazon, and within prob 30 mins of taking it, I still had my problem I was dealing with, but i didnt have anxiety about it. It was the weirdest (good) feeling to NOT feel unable to handle my problems. For me, liquid magnesium (I use ReMag by Dr. Carolyn Dean) works the best (mag pills dont really work for me). Now I tell everyone I know (who has anxiety) about how magnesium literally changed my life. Idk if you’ve tried a liquid magnesium before, but maybe it’s something you might want to ask your doctor about trying. Or you dont have to – just wanted to share about magnesium in case you didnt know it works for some people with anxiety. Anyways, sorry this is so long. I will definitely be praying for you – for wisdom for your doctor and for peace for you. You are not alone. Keep on keeping on 🙂
Thank you for sharing. Just know that you are not alone. I’ve been suffering from depression/anxiety since my father passed away….16 years ago. Back then, the doctors attributed my anxiety/depression to PTSD as a result of my father’s passing. He was my bestest friend in the world, and I loved him dearly. However, I always knew that I was more high strung than your average person. My anxiety came and went in waves during this time period. When it came….it debilated me. I was given Paxil…and it was my lifesaver. Fast forward a few years. I was married to the greatest man, living in a beautiful home, living a beautiful life. We wanted a child…so I stopped the Paxil. It took us 7 years, and a battle with infertility to finally get pregnant with our only child, my son. As a PCOS sufferer, my hormones are all over the place. So much so, that I started perimenopause at the age of 40. The worst symptom for me throughout this stage has been the anxiety and depression. I lost interest in everything around me, and I became a shell of who I once was. I reflected on my life and asked myself, “What is wrong with me? I couldn’t ask for a better life!” But I quickly noticed that the “beast” was bigger and stronger than me. I finally went to my doctor when I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. He put me on Lexapro, and it has helped a bit. I still have my moments, but a lot less than before. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know how hard this is. Only those who go through it can truly understand it.
Liz, I’m so glad to hear that you reached out and got some help. Having struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life I never sought help either because I also suffered from the guilt that I didn’t have anything to be depressed about and the shame and stigma surrounding depression and anxiety. I also suffered with infertility and miscarriages but the depression and anxiety was there long before that. I had to be on medication for awhile but now I’m on a very low dose of celexa. I needed the medication for awhile just so I could get moving and function on my job. After a couple of years of therapy I was able to reduce the medication. I learned to walk through my fears and to reframe things. Now I know when its the depression talking and I can direct my thoughts down a different path. The methods for dealing with it are different for everyone but the root of much of my depression was PTSD from a couple of very traumatic things I suffered and also growing up in an alcoholic home where I was always walking on eggshells. Everyone’s situation is different but the depression and anxiety are real. There were some days that I felt like I had lead weights on my feet because I literally had no motivation to move. I’m so glad that you reached out for help. It’s the bravest thing you can do. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I’m sure it’s helpful to so many people. Last week our world lost 2 celebrities. Kate Spade never reached out due to the stigma. So tragic. Talking about it and bringing it out of the closet helps destigmatize it so thank you Liz for sharing your story.
Wendy in KY says
Oh, wow! Liz, you are literally old/young enough to be my daughter. (I have a son and DIL turning 30 this year as well – 1988 was a great year!) I digress… Today, literally TODAY, was the first time I have ever decided to blurt out to my doctor that I suffer anxiety —and now I just read this blog post! I’m so happy you have not waited until you are nearly 55 to speak out loud about your beast. So much of what you describe regarding the anxiety you suffer echos resoundingly with me. While the depression end of it has never been a big issue, as far as I know, I know there has been seasons of it. Maybe it is always there and I have just lived with it for so long that I don’t recognize it as such anymore. Anyway… I spoke it into truth today, and am looking forward to the same journey of which you so eloquently speak.
I love that your doctor affirmed Christ and put Him in the center of your fears. His perspective is refreshing and TRUTHFUL.
God bless you in this struggle and may you feel His healing hands upon you, just as I look forward to deriving the same strength in our Great Physician’s gentle touch.
So excited for you, just being able to share about this beast is the first step on your journey and being able to help someone else is just as awesome. You can do this!! You re not alone… love you both
Wow, that’s a long time without getting help :(. How difficult. I struggled with similar anxiety and got help when I was 19. I’m 33 now and there’s ups and downs but much much better after dong counseling and getting some medication. Thanks for sharing because we need to end stigma!
I’m so happy for you! You’ll do great!! Don’t worry if the first or even second medication isn’t the right one. Maybe it will be, but if not, keep trying bc they all work a little bit differently and our brains and wiring and chemistry are all different too. You are brave and you have love for yourself which enabled you to ask for help. That’s wonderful!! You are most certainly not alone and are loved by so many. You’ve got this!! Congrats on taking the reigns and getting on the path you want. Hugs!!
Beth at Unskinny Boppy says
Liz, you are not alone. I have guilt about talking about it as well, mainly because mine manifested after Caroline was born, and how in the world could I be depressed when I have this beautiful and completely unexpected blessing in my life? I have a fear of sharing it too much on my blog because I’ve been on the infertility side of things as well and I have major empathy for anyone who has ever been through that.
It seems so wrong to put it out there about my struggles with depression when I have so many things to be thankful for.
But that’s the thing about mental illness. It doesn’t care how famous you are or how much money or goodness you have in your life. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have shown us that in the past few weeks. It’s an equal opportunity monster.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. You are an inspiration to many. I began seeing a therapist a few months ago and it’s helped me SO much.
I would encourage anyone who deals with anxiety and depression to reach out and get help.
I think you’ve just inspired my next blog post. :hugs:
Janet - shabbyfufu says
One of my daughters who is around your age has suffered from this her whole life and always will. I didn’t realize what was wrong when she was growing up and was afraid to play with others, was terrified of parties, the night and it was the worst when teenage angst hit. The good news is that with therapy and the right medication life is so much better for her now. It will be for you too going forward I’m sure. xo
Katie Mansfield says
Praying for you, Liz. I’m thankful you are on a path to treatment and relief. Thanks for sharing your struggle. Hugs to you.
Hi Liz, I’m so proud of you! I’m more than twice your age, have a daughter @ your age, so I feel somewhat parental towards you. I hope you don’t mind. In my young mother age, young children age, I took myself and and my children to counseling and family counseling. It’s the best decision I ever made in my life and the best money I ever spent in my life. We had problems on many different fronts ! Myself. My school age children. I learned so much. So. very. Much. I learned the healthiest people seek help. Seek help whether physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. The unhealthy deny, hide, bury head in sand, turn a blind eye, blame, you get the picture. So please don’t ever feel bad for seeking help. It’s actually the very strong who seek help. You are strongest when you realize you need and want the help. You are not deficient or weak in any way, shape, fashion or form. All the armies who have won great battles were supported by reinforcements. Your husband can tell you about that. You have called in for reinforcements. You have done a great service for yourself and for others by sharing. All the best for you and your husband !!!
I know exactly how you feel, I was first diagnosed with depression at 16 years and it has always been a struggle in the past few years I have also suffered from severe panic attacks and anxiety that prevents me from living my life normally. I had to stop blogging because I just could not cope anymore. You are an inspiration Liz Marie, know that so many hearts are with you everyday even if it is only in spirit. I pray that in time your burden will come lighter. Lots of love ?
One step at a time and one day at a time. Praying that the help you are seeking/getting will end your depression and anxiety so that you may embrace each day with a happy outlook.
Did you did have weight gain with celexa/nightmares? The side affects scare me. I’ve been trying the natural route: CBD Oil, magnesium and it’s been helpful. My mom didn’t have a great experience on Celexa, so I’m just trying to exhaust natural remedies first.
Where do you buy your powder from and what do you mix it with? Love hearing natural remedies.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety for several years, and I’m finally starting to feel like I can open up and share my experiences. Shame was a huge part of my struggle – I hid what was going on because I feared judgement. I’ve discovered that sharing my thoughts, feelings, and experiences is also a part of the healing process. I have been feeling so much better lately (ongoing therapy and the right medication combination). I hope that you are able to find the supports you need to start healing as well.
Kim Bell says
Bravo sweet lady!!
You are certainly not alone. Sometimes it takes a long while to realize that you just can’t helo yourself and you need a doc. I was there. Well still am, just in a different space now. Though depression has seemed to taken a back seat this year, anxiety has decided to step forward and show its ugly self. Seems that we have a similar journey with depression and anxiety. I haven’t experienced miscarriage or infertility but I have experienced unforgettable loss. Glad you finally went to talk to someone. There is always help. ❤️
Beth Gray says
You are not alone. I am so proud of you for facing it head on. I suffer it as well- and don’t wish it on my word enemy.
Anxiety can be debilitating. For that matter,so can depression. Thank you for writing about this. When we set ourselves free of the labels,we become free.
Praying for you to be a better you. Xo
Kathleen Turner says
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Annette Lindsey says
Thanks so much for this post! I, too, have this terrible problem, even though I am blessed by God beyond description! I went to my primary care doctor last week, but I don’t think it’s enough. Because of your post, I have decided to see someone who deals with this as their primary medical field. Thank you again. I will be praying for you.