Well, I hate to be writing this because I feel like it just writes my failure in stone. For everyone to see. But I share it all with you guys [or try] & you guys are a huge part of our journey because of the prayers, pep talks, tips, stories of hope, & just for just listening and reading our story. Thank you by the way. & thank you for not judging & being by our side through the highs and the lows of this fertility journey we are on. If our infertility journey doesnt interest you or makes you uncomfortable, I am so sorry that today’s post isn’t for you, but you can click [HERE] to see more about our fixer upper journey & more. So where are we at now on our journey? Well… we have been at a huge standstill for the past two years & it’s been kind of scary living in the unknown…
For the past two years Jose and I have been living in the unknown. After 7 miscarriages we just stood still for two years & didn’t make one move forward. If anything we went backwards. Too “busy” to think of the next steps we need to take, & too discouraged to make any major changes because “nothing is going to work.” Of course we weren’t too busy… just too scared. Of course something is going to work, but the anxiety & depression of the 6 years of infertility, the PCOS, the weight gain, the loss of our 7 babies, the constant reminder of the failure of my body left us too discouraged to always have hope. This standstill was probably great for my body, mind, & soul in some ways, but in others it has made me feel like more of a failure or like a quitter of sorts. It has made me feel like “I must not want it that bad” if I haven’t been taking the proper steps to a. get pregnant. & b. to keep the pregnancy healthy by going to our fertility doctor, taking better care of my health, & diving in more to find out the underlying issue. I’ve failed for two years to make a move. Besides finding a new natural pathic doctor in the past two years & running some tests that you an read about [HERE], I haven’t done much to prepare my body or my mind for a baby & that’s a hard dose of reality. If I let my mind wander it feels like I waisted a lot of time I could have spent prepping. But that doesn’t mean we can’t start now.
I’ve said it many times on my blog, Instagram, Facebook, & more places that 2018 is about me getting uncomfortable. We’ve been in a safe zone these past two years. If we don’t get pregnant, we don’t have a miscarriage. If we don’t pursue adoption, we don’t have the disappointment of not being matched with a baby. If we are just the two of us we are safe, happy, content, & well… super safe. The anxiety & depression like it there. The anxiety & depression are products of not having faith that God has us & our babies in his hands. Anxiety is not trusting in God’s plan & depression is not having hope in God’s hand in it all.. and that’s not where I want my heart to be. So in 2018 we both want to fully trust.. fully jump.. & fully listen to God’s plan for us to grow our family. If you are the praying type… praying that God gives us a direct push, that God will show us how he wants us to grow our family, that God grows our family with the most perfect baby for Jose & I whoever or wherever or however they come to be with us. Thank you guys for the prayers, the listens, the comments, the well wishes, the patience, the questions, the inclusion, the advice… the all of it! THANK YOU!!
So, our update right now? We’ve been standing still for two years & I’m ready to move. That doesn’t mean I want to get pregnant right away [unless that’s God’s plan of course] but I want to get my health under control, I want to be proactive at healing my body from my PCOS, I want to be kinder to myself, I want to love my body more, forgive it’s failures, & I want to be closer to God after a little bout of anger & resentment from all the loss & years of struggling with infertility piling up this past year. I’m done standing still. I will be back soon with another update, but for now this is where we are at in our journey.. in waiting. It hasn’t always been pretty, but I’m ready to make this waiting period prettier & not let the fear and anxiety rule my fertility journey. This journey is a beautiful part of our lives & I’ve learned time and time again while waiting for other things that God will provide & I do not want to look back at this season & have any regret of times I didn’t enjoy how beautiful this time really is. Thank you guys for stopping by the blog today & always to follow every part of our journey. xx
Read about why I switched doctors [HERE]
Hi Liz,
Please forgive me if I missed this in previous posts, but I read this post and the post about your natural doctor. I wanted to tell you about something that didn’t happen to me directly, but my chiropractic doctor has given me information on. My chiropractor’s wife has severe PCOS and they were told that she couldn’t get pregnant. They did X-rays of her hips and spine and it turned out that they were out of alignment in the areas that affect her hormones and reproductive organs. I believe it took a long process of adjustments and such, but she was able to get pregnant afterwards. I’m pretty skeptical about most things, but I do figure if you haven’t tried it, would it hurt to check it out? I just thought I’d pass the information on in case you haven’t been told this in the past. I truly believe God has the most amazing plan for you and Jose. Best wishes and love, Lauren.
God is with you and will shine a perfect light for you and Jose to follow. Much love??? and blessing for you both.
My daughter has PCOS as did I and my mother…… so I am familiar with it…. we all had fertility issues … my daughter went to the best infertility doctor in Denver CO after trying for 2 years for a baby…. she started taking myo-inositol because of their recommendation….. she’s had 3 beautiful babies that are now 5, 3, and 5 weeks! Have you heard of my myo-inistitol? It truly helped my daughter!!! Im hopeful for you and praying for you pretty one!!!
Praying for you!
Love you cute Liz!
Praying for you and Jose! I hope the past couple years has truly brought you some peace and clarity; two things that I am sure you will appreciate as you venture forward into a new chapter towards baby. Your resilience and love for yourself and each other is what has gotten you this far. You are amazing!! Thanks for sharing your journey. It has been touching, inspiring, and comforting to so many!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having taken some time to sort things out, to get to spend time together without the stress. Sometimes we need to do that. “Be still and know that I am the Lord.” You will be stronger because of it. We all have areas where we need to get out of our comfort zone and recognizing that and wanting to do something about it are huge and a part of the process. So the best to you as you move forward in this process! God is with you in whatever you do!
Praying for clarity in knowing what to do for your body and mind, God’s timing is always perfect even when it’s hard to understand. He knows your pain… a great man once said to me “suffer well so others will come to know Christ”
You’ve handled your infertility with such “Grace” in a very public way surely you’ve touched many lives. ?
Continued prayers, Patti
Praying that you and José are blessed with a baby.
Hi Liz! My family and I are praying for you and we’re in your corner believing for a miracle. We serve a Father who enjoys giving miracles! Stand firm on His truth that you’re NOT a failure! You are a child of God and fear has no place! Thanks for being open about your journey so we know exactly how to pray. We love y’all and are believing for perfect health and wholeness and the perfect baby for you and Jose! Xoxo!
I wish I could just reach through this blog and give you both a big hug! Please know I am praying for you both. Much love and peace ❤❤❤???
Praying for you both. May God’s perfect timing bring you joy and contentment.
Liz,
I frequently read your blog and have been since you started and were living in N Carolina. I don’t comment often?. I can’t even imagine how difficult this journey has been for you. You have shown such grace through all of this. You mentioned taking an all natural approach and switching doctors, have you considered essential oils? I recently started using Young Living and am amazed at all the benefits. You may have already considered it but if you would like to talk more about it email me. I would be happy to share with you. Praying for you and Jose.
Saying a prayer for you Liz. I don’t think that time was wasted or that you are in any way failing. Your body and your soul needed time to heal and grieve your losses. May you feel the peace that passes all understanding.
Hey Liz! So sorry to hear what you have been going through. I’m a 6 year warrior of infertility also (I have severe endometriosis) and have had countless IVF cycles and surgeries and am all too familiar with knowing how it feels to be stuck in a rut. After receiving so much bad news over the years it’s hard not to feel down and hopeless, but we just keep trucking through and do the best we can. It took me almost 6 years to say “why am I not trying more to help better my health”. While I am still working on the diet part, I recently started acupuncture as I have been told by many others over the years that this may help. Here is a prayer I say often that I will share with you “Thank you, Lord for all the blessings in my life. Help me to remember them as I face the challenges of infertility. I pray that I can surrender myself into your hands. Let me accept the reality of this situation and have the wisdom and courage to take action where I can. Strengthen my body, mind, and spirit to endure the trials of infertility. Keep me ever mindful of the needs of others and grant is your peace. Amen.” Praying for you and your Jose ??
Prayers for you and Jose. I don’t have any advice or encouraging stories, but just know you are thought of. Never lose hope.?
Hi Liz,
I was never blessed with children and that time has passed for me. I have been seeing a Naturopath since the mid 90s and in the last ten years an acupuncturist. Three years ago I found EFT. I was part of a small group for a year and a half given by a local practioner. I have taken advantage of the many free videos and low cost programs on Youtube until I can go for paid training or commit to a local practitioner. Check out some of the most well know EFT practitioners, Faster EFT Eutaptics Robert Gene Smith, The Tapping Solution Nick Ortner, Brad Yates, Sonia Sophia, Gene Monterastelli Tapping Q and A . I am sure there are others but these are my go to ones.
Lifting you up in prayer this morning, friend. Lean into the Lord (He has a way with words!) and please don’t hesitate to call if you need a phug.
That’s a hug…through the phone. Okay, bye. 🙂
Good morning Liz,
I too struggled a long time with infertility and miscarriage. I wish I had know of a ketogenic diet earlier. I see a lot of women posting on our support page about the success of keto in controlling pcos and triumph over infertility. I wish you would consider investigating it? Best wishes to you both on this journey wherever it takes you.
Wow ! I am so proud of how you and Jose are handling all of this! God has many blessings to share and I am excited to see what He has planned for you! Praying for you …. Lot of love !
The failure idea is very hard to get past. Do we think of others who are sick or incapacitated as failures? I dealt with infertility for 5 years and wish I could have seen myself on the other side while going through it. We can live, prosper and be happy without our own body-born children. There are so many ways to have young people in our lives and so many that can benefit from our influence. Do what is best for body and mind, release all your pictures of the future as you think it should have looked and be open to all ways you DO have and will continue to have a wonderful life.
Hi Liz Marie! Your struggle is something many women can relate to. I hope you know you’re not alone. I had a friend with a very similar situation, who had exhausted all her fertility options. This is from a message I wrote to her:
You may not believe it now, when you are still heartbroken, but someday when you hold your child… Maybe not one from your body, but the child of your heart, the one that calls you mama…. You will understand that God did have a plan and that it is always perfect. And you will wonder at how his timing made it possible for you to have THIS child, the one that was meant to be only yours. Praying for peace and patience and strength as God prepares the way for you.
She has a beautiful little baby girl now that she and her hubby adopted!
Also, Liz Marie, I recently read a devotional that did wonders for me in a time of physical suffering called Hope When It Hurts. It was such an amazing book. Really helped me remember the truth of God in a time when I felt like he was punishing me or that I needed to somehow earn his favor… it was SO healing to be reminded of the truth of his love and expectations for me in a time of suffering. I hope 2018 is a blessed year for you! Big hugs!
You are SO perfect just the way you are! You’ve created a beautiful life and you can be so proud of that!
Opening up is not easy but necessary. I know you’ve had countless tests, stories, wanted or unwanted advice. Here is more ?. Maybe you’ve been tested for this already but I figure just in case…….
My brother and sister-in-law also have 5 babies in heaven. They didn’t seem to have problems getting pregnant however she never was able to carry past 11 weeks. Come to find out she was diagnosed with Factor V(5), a blood clotting disorder which inhibited proper blood flow through the placenta/umbilical cord which ultimately ended in miscarriages. After these findings she was put on a low dose blood thinner during pregnancy and now has two healthy kiddos. I realize this doesn’t explain the last two years but just wanted to share, you know, just in case.
Best wishes.
All these feelings are totally natural and you are NOT alone. There are more women out there then you think that go through these very same feelings and symptoms. I have been doing infertility for 7 years. I also have PCOS but have never been able to get pregnant. I am that 1% that doctors can’t figure out why i can’t even conceive. I don’t know what is harder not knowing why i can’t get pregnant or like you getting pregnant but you can’t continue to carry. That feeling of disappointment telling your husband the bad news and watching your family/friends faces when you tell them it didn’t work literally eats you away. You feel like a failure over and over again. Towards the end i didn’t even telling anyone, not even my husband, what medication i was on or if i even had an appointment to check if i could do another IUI or if i was even ovulating. I just couldn’t take telling anyone sad news anymore. I DECIDED TO TAKE A DIFFERENT JOURNEY. i was tired of feeling the loss and quilt. We put in our papers for adoption and were accepted. It took a little over a year to finish the process but in that year it was so nice to TAKE A BREAK and just live. No more traveling for appointments or getting poked and prodded on. No more medicine or shots. I felt a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulder the minute we put in those papers. It was the strangest feeling but in a way that was god tell me this is your path. We were blessed to be selected in just 2 weeks with a birth mom that was 6 months pregnant. We got to experience the doctor visits and i was even allowed in the room when our DAUGHTER was born. It is a memory i will never forget. Do i still wish i could get pregnant YES but i am more at peace now knowing this is our calling. Our daughter is now 2 and we are starting another journey with adoption. I will pray for you and sending lots of hugs your way. This two year break you took may of looked like the unknown for you but in all reality it was a much needed break. Your body sometimes just needs to heal itself and you need to be in the right place for everything to work. Take each day at a time and be thankful for that day.
Dear. Sweet Liz
Praying to Mary to bless you and Jose with a beautiful baby…
These feelings are all too familiar, as we have been in this same season of waiting and have taken a few years away from treatments and doctors, and as freeing as that has been, at the same time we feeling like we are quitting and wasting time, and that brings guilt. Hoping 2018 is the year that brings new light to your journey as well as mine! Thank you for sharing your story with us, I have always loved following along with your fertility journey and your home journey.
Trusting God is so simple and so easy.. and yet we make it so hard…I know God is watching over you and is always with you because I can hear him speaking to me through you….
I’m sorry you’re going through this struggle. I wouldn’t wish infertility on my worst enemy (even though I don’t really have any enemies) – you know what I mean. The years we struggled to have a baby were the hardest of my life. I can remember the place you’re in – the place where you’re paralyzed to decide how to move forward. I see you and I know what you’re going through is hard. Ultimately, we decided to pursue adoption and becoming a mother that way was the best thing I’ve ever done. Whatever you decide, I’m sending so much positive energy your way.
Hey girl. I just thought I should write you and tell you what God is doing. This is a scary comment to leave for a lot of reasons, some of which are I might seem crazy or the chance I am wrong, but I feel God urging me to tell you something; He loves you so much and He remembers you. On January 14, I was home sick from church and listening to a message from home. I began praying (we are on our own journey to try to add a third child to our family) and God put you on my heart so heavily. I have been praying for you for probably 2 years, but that morning was different. God allowed me to feel the pain and despair you have felt over the last several years as I prayed for you. I prayed He would remember us both now, as Hannah prayed in Samuel. He put you on my heart because He loves you so much, and I believe it’s because it’s your time. It’s your time for your mourning to turn into dancing, and your loss to turn to joy. I truly believe He put those prayers in my heart so He could answer them, this time with a Yes. The reason I believe even more strongly that He is moving is because this happened to me before when we were trying to conceive our second child. I was diagnosed with PCOS and told I probably wouldn’t have any more children. My sister in law was also told she might not conceive either. God did the same thing with her, He allowed me to feel the desperation and sadness in her heart at her longing to be a mother. I prayed for her in the same way and, because of who God is and absolutely nothing to do with me, we both conceived. Our sons were born 1 month apart 🙂 I realize this may seem absolutely crazy as we have never even met and I would totally understand if a restraining order shows up tomorrow, but I wholeheartedly believe God will allow you to conceive and carry a child very soon. This is what I believe He has told me for both of us. I continue to pray for you daily and I hear nothing but “yes” in my spirit in concern to your adding children to your beautiful life and farm. So much love girl <3
Hi Dear,
Have been reading your blog for years and I cannot think of two more fabulous people to become parents. My heart aches for what you have been going thru, but as a “woman of a certain age” I can tell you there is a reason for all this and an order to it, if it was meant to be it will happen; He has a plan.
Blessings,
Mary
Praying!!!❤️❤️❤️
Oh, I know all about hiding. I know about protecting your heart. At 39, after years of trying, I agreed to an emergency hysterectomy. My first thought? Well, at least the disappointment will end.
I so get it.
May our God continue to hold you in the palm of His hand.
Thank you for being so open and sharing your heart. The pain you’ve experienced in all these different ways is heartbreaking, but being able to see God’s goodness and faithfulness in the midst of that darkness, there just isn’t anything better than that. I’ll be lifting you up in prayer!
Surrounding you and Jose with love, light and prayers.
What ever your future family looks like it will perfect for you and Jose. Keep the faith friend. ❤
I can echo the thoughts and prayers of all the previous comments. I’ve tried to follow along with your fertility search, and I don’t know if you’ve had any of your doctors checking your thyroid and autoimmune status. I’ve had autoimmune issues and disease my whole life, but didn’t realize it could cause infertility. Most doctors don’t even consider it, but it is far reaching and can cause inflammation and keep your body off kilter. Please do some research yourself to check out “autoimmune disease and infertility”, you may find something that can help identify something that could help direct treatment. AI is often a silent disease and it’s hard to diagnose. Infertility is a common denominator of many autoimmune illnesses. My problems (even though it was not infertility) stemmed from undiagnosed Celiac Disease caused by gluten. Please do some research and consider diet changes, it can only help give you information. Information enables you to ask the right questions and pursue a path that you might not otherwise have known about. Sending a big hug and prayers for wisdom and understanding from God.
Hi Liz! I’ve been reading your blog for a few years and feel like I know you. I may be way out of place and you may have explored this already but I wanted to mention it just in case. I’m a part of a group on Facebook where people follow a ketogenic diet. I found out there are many women in our group that have PCOS and finally got pregnant because this diet years PCOS. You might want to google ketogenic diet for PCOS and see what you can learn. It might be worthy information. Just want you and Jose to know I’ll be praying for you and I love your vlog!
My husband and I have not had as lengthy of an infertility journey as you and your beloved, but we understand how much infertility hurts. We have been trying for two years now and have had 2 miscarriages in the past 7 months. In fact, the most recent was 2 weeks ago today. And our first baby would have been due earlier this week. Sigh. This chapter of our life is one that has been full of grief, heartache, and doubt. Like someone above said – I wouldn’t wish this on anyone! But, I do step back and realize I have so much to be thankful for: a supporting husband on days when I’m a depressed mess (can I get an amen?), God’s faith in me even when my faith wavers, and the friends / family who have stepped up for us when we needed help. I’m also thankful for a the group of physicians that are working to figure out why this is happening. The few days after my last loss, I told my husband time after time that I couldn’t do this again. That I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I didn’t want to be rolled out of a hospital again without a baby in my arms. But you know, I just feel like my desire for a child out weighs my absolute terror of miscarrying again. So here I am 2 weeks out and I’ve decided that I’m going to be extra aggressive this time around… I had my OB run an extensive blood panel on me to see if I have a blood clotting disorder (on top of the autoimmune disease and MTHFR that I know I have) and I have made appts with two of the top fertility specialists in the US (Dr. Gibbons, a reproductive endocrinologist in Houston and Dr. Braverman, a reproductive immunologist in NYC). We live in Louisiana so we will drive 4 hours to Houston and just have a skype consultation with the NYC doc. Now that I write that down, I see how crazy and over the top it looks. Ha! I know we will adopt one day, but my hubby just isn’t ready (and I can’t fault him for that). So what options do I have left other than turn into over the top fertility treatment lady?!
I write all of this to say that although infertility and pregnancy loss has a way of making you feel like you are trapped on a desserted island, you are not alone! So many of us understand the heartache, hopelessness, and desperation that comes with being in this stupid club. Know that you are loved and prayed for by a lot of people!! I will never be the one to say “God has a plan” because to me that implies that God’s plan was for us to lose our precious babies. But I will say this, I feel like God created imperfect people and an imperfect earth and that He is watching down on us. The vision of life is like a river seen from above. It starts out a small stream, then it grows, it wiggles along, sometimes it goes through rapids, sometimes churning and waterfalls, has switchback turns, then it spreads out into a beautiful broad river. God sees your long life like this and you’re in His boat named HOPE. Your God is sufficient! He will take care of you and your husband and will fulfil his promise to give you children one way or another.
My husband and I have been trying for over 6 years as well and have also had recurrent loss. It’s interesting in those years of focusing on starting a family we neglected other things: our marriage, our bodies, spent frivolously trying to fill the void. But God is gracious and forgiven us, we just need to forgive ourselves. We started our IVf journey last spring and learning to trust in Him has been the most difficult part of it all, but it’s all I can cling to. I will keep you in my prayers and pray that the Lord’s plan is revealed to you and that He’ll be there every step of the way, no matter which path you take.
Keeping you in my prayers ??
https://nutritionfacts.org/video/best-foods-for-polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos/
Oh thank God … as I started reading this I began to have the sinking feeling you were leading into saying you’re giving up. Today is my precious daughter’s 20th birthday. I also have PCOS and spent years trying to conceive. It makes me so sad when I hear of people giving up, and I wish so much for you to experience the joy of a term pregnancy and parenthood. Keep fighting Liz, I know you will be blessed … praying for your journey. The one thing our fertility Dr did differently on the final cycle I became pregnant after miscarriage was Prednisone during the cycle and progesterone suppositories after a positive test for the first 12 weeks.
Ok but… you don’t have to have a baby. You live a full, great life, you have a sweet home and awesome hobby/life style, a wonderful husband … do you ever just wonder WHY you want a baby?? A baby isn’t going to make you magically happy right? Because you seem happy & content & honestly living your best life right now. So what’s the fuss about a baby?!
Good luck with your journey and kudos for giving yourself grace and self care in this tough time. My husband and I are older and after a miscarriage started and completed the adoption journey. I think that each person comes to the right decision for them and as much as I hated hearing it while I’m the process you will get the baby you are meant for when the time is right. I have had a lot of comfort in your journey and words so thank you. I look forward to continuing to follow along one these next steps.
Hugs. Praying for you!
Wanted you to know how much joy you bring to others with your wonderful blog. The thing I like the most about it is your willingness to share be REAL. It is so refreshing in this world where everyone feels the need to make their life look wonderful every second of every day. You have a sunny, positive outlook on life, but (as with everyone) things are hard sometimes. In my own life there have been challenges (including trying to conceive), but down the road you will realize that there is a plan and a reason for everything. In the meantime, it hurts and is hard, but you have lots of people wishing you well and sending love and prayers. Don’t ever lose you wonderful, warm spirit. xoxo
Thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck… sending you positive vibes:)XO
Three words. Sarah and Abraham.
My husband and I have been married for 17 years, 10 of which we tried for a baby. It wasn’t until I could see my lack of a baby could possibly be God’s great mercy in our lives that I found peace. If God withholds NOTHING good from those who walk with Him (Psalm 84:11) and if God (the potter) created me (the clay) this way, what right do I have to question it (Romans 9:20)? He has planned for me and my situation His VERY best. He is merciful WAY beyond I can see with mortal eyes. Be encouraged. He may have chosen you for a purpose greater than you can see with mortal eyes.
I will pray for you, I have been in your shoes many many years ago, I am now 55 and will be a grandma for the first time this coming September. I believe in miracles and I will pray for your little miracle to happen ❤️
A failure? No, growing through a difficult season. Good job for being honest with your readers. You never know how God will work through you. Expecting miracles!
I can hear you out pain and you have a right and the experience to feel anyway you want, but thinking of your body as a failure and speaking it, does not help. I mean I’m sure you know that and I say this with kindness, but I think so working on that thinking or continuing to will help you. You are not a failure.
I’m a believer too! My husband is a chiro and I have personally had 3 friends with pcos that he has worked on that got pregnant within weeks. Big believer. And then you can make shirts that say “my chiropractor got me pregnant” and keep his office seats filled lol. Praying for you and speaking life and healing and wholeness to your body and your womb! ♥️
Hi Liz… Although I have not walked your path, my sis and her husband did. Very tough journey, after ten years of tests, trying, Hoping and praying they adopted a beautiful baby girl. She just was the most wonderful thing ever.. Two years later my sister was not feeling well.. We were so worried, she made a doctor’s appt. and low and behold she was three months pregnant.. They had a healthy baby boy and all was right in their world.. I guess what I am trying to say is there is hope, always, always hope! You are amazing and the the best is yet to come for you and your husband.. Hang in there, sweetheart!
Oh Liz, your heart is so precious. Thank you for being so raw and real and vulnerable. I know it’s not easy. I pray with my whole heart, that one day you’ll be able to look back at this time and see how it fit perfectly into your journey and how God’s hand was always in it. Hugs!!!
I’m also a person who suffers from PCOS. You are a strong woman to share your journey. I have a son now he is 7 years old but he is my miracle baby. When I found out about my PCOS I lost hope to have a family. My husband wanted a baby and we tried and nothing help and i went to a doctor that only treated PCOS she prescribed me Metformin I took it for 3 months and told myself I’m never going to get pregnant so I threw it away the medication and told myself I’m focus on working out. Running outdoors is what helped me balance my hormones to stay stress free. A month of not taking Metformin I got pregnant. I couldn’t believe it but I was also scared everyday because my pregnancy was sensitive, having PCOS is very sensitive to having a miscarriage. During the pregnancy I kept positive and every doctors visit for ultrasound to check on the baby was the scariest time for me to just to know I can get bad news any second. I gave birth to a healthy 10.7 pound baby boy. He is perfect even having to be a special need child. My son has autism and is non verbal but to me he is perfect no matter what. Don’t loose hope and don’t over think about the past. Try to stay healthy and take walks go for a jog and be in peace with yourself not to stress not to think why I can’t get pregnant. I know it’s hard to not think about it but you are strong woman every woman is with PCOS and I convince myself that running helped me it stress me out and it helped me to balance my hormones. I admire everything you do.
Hi Liz and Jose, just wanted you to know each night I pray for my husband who has bladder cancer, my best friends hubs that hasn’t been diagnosed yet and his health gets worse every day, to hold sweet baby Otto close and keep him well and perform a miracle and last but not least, that Liz and Jose have a baby very soon their own or adopted. I love you stay focused on our Lord. Linda Andersen ??
Hi Liz and Jose, just wanted you to know each night I pray for my husband who has bladder cancer, my best friends hubs that hasn’t been diagnosed yet and his health gets worse every day, to hold sweet baby Otto close and keep him well and perform a miracle and last but not least, that Liz and Jose have a baby very soon their own or adopted. I love you stay focused on our Lord.
Hi Liz,
I am so happy about this it made me tear up. Because sometimes it’s that aha moment that can turn you from one way of thinking to another. I pray you embrace life, all of it, even anxiety and depression and embrace Gods truths. He will never leave you or forsake you. He will equip you with whatever he has in store for you. That is trust. Look up and I’m praying for you and Jose! Please save me a hug next time I see you. Mel
Oh Sweet Liz,
I struggled with PCOS for 6 1/2 years. I finally did the wedge surgery. Had my first daughter. Healthy pregnancy. I was also rh-, and had some other clotting factors. So finally one stillborn and pregnancy number five I have two beautiful daughters here on earth and one beautiful heavenly daughter. I don’t understand our journey’s other than being able to honestly be able to stand in and pray for a sister in Christ when she ask for it. That I can do. I believe others with my same journey can too. Don’t give up if you feel called to be a mom. The first time you hold your baby, all the pain is truly just so very minimal compared to the love you will have for your child. Much love.
We struggled with infertility for about 6 years including one failed IVF before a close friend offered to be a traditional surrogate for us, and that worked so we have our amazing daughter about to turn two in a couple months and i just can’t explain how much God has healed my heart through this incredible blessing. It’s insane how much i freaking love her!
I totally ge the pain, it was unbearable at times and it felt like none of our friends or family around us understood how hard it was, i felt so isolated and alone except for the community of women struggling on social media like you, Liz! It was so encouraging to read about how I’m not alone, and reassured me i wasn’t crazy for being so upset i couldn’t get pregnant and that i didn’t want to “JUST ADOPT.” Like anyone JUST adopts, as if it’s like JUST stopping by the store and picking up a baby.
Anyway, point is now we’ve been trying to figure out what path to take to hopefully have a second child, and i am so torn between trying ivf again or moving forward with adoption!
My girlfriend just told me today that she is finally 8 weeks along and they had a healthy heartbeat in an ultrasound after 5 failed fresh ivf cycles and countless fet’s In between over the past 9 years! She has PCOS too, and what it finally took was switching doctors! Someone told them to try this doctor in Phoenix, AZ and she swears this guy was just such a miracle worker, and he charges about 1/4 the cost of the one she went to here in CA where we live.
So now I’m servioudly giving this guy some thought… what if he could figure me out and it could work?!
Or, is it like there are already so many babies that are being born or have been born and need a loving home and we should adopt? Sometimes i know it sounds dumb but i question, is it selfish to want to get pregnant and carry a child when there are so many that already need a family?! What’s dumb is i know i just need to ask God to show us what we should do, but for some weird reason it’s like i can’t, or won’t, i don’t know… but i ask everyone else except Him. What is wrong with me?!!!! Ughhhhhhhh
It is the desire of her heart and her husband. That is not fuss, that is a longing to share the joys she experiences with a little person that come from two people God united as one. Sorry I just found your comment insensitive to someone’s heart.
Sweet lady…your story could be mine as well. I have had 7 miscarriages. Getting pregnant has not been the problem, carrying the baby has and 1 year ago I decided I was done. I will be 39 this year. It is ok to stop and take time to heal. I know it feels like perhaps it is fear or depression. But after so much sadness, stress, and loss it is ok to take time to grieve the losses. I will pray for you that no matter what happens God will grant you peace, hope, & direction. Hugs!
I know you are getting tons of advice…so I will add to the mix. I think you should look into the keto diet. There is a lot of controvery surrounding the fat intake, but even doctors who once found much fault are changing their minds after resulting blood work shows incredible improvement. Googlt keto and pcos together, you will find lots of information. Many fertility clinics require keto tupe eating for 3 months prior to ART procedures.
Praying your path to parenthood becomes clear.
Thank you for being so honest and open. Trusting God is not always pretty, easy or simple. Your faith encourages others and reminds us our time line is not always God’s. From where I stand, you and your husband seem to be doing amazingly well in the face of such pain. Praying for you bith.
Hey Liz! I have followed you for so many years and I have followed your journey and faith. I am praying God will make the pain blossom into something Only he can make. If you haven’t heard about or already read ‘unseen’ by Sara Hagerty definitely check it out. It’s not a story of infertility but it is a story about being stuck in places and finding ways to hide with God
I just wanted to take a moment and tell you that standing still is NOT failure. Infertility is so very hard emotionally, spiritually and physically. If you needed (or still need) time to regroup or find some balance, don’t you dare call that failure!! I’m a fellow PCOS-er with a total of 9 miscarriages. 2 before our first daughter and then 7 in the few years after she was born when we were desperate for another baby. And then we stopped. Because it was madness and desperate and made me a person I couldn’t recognize anymore. Sending you so much love, and one HUGE virtual hug!! (P.S. Eight years after our older daughter was born, we had another happy, healthy baby girl.)
Every step is a necessary part of the healing journey. Thank you for being so candid and real on this whole journey. I’m sure you could never fathom how many women read these posts and are able to say “me too” as they struggle through the same thing. It feels like such a blessing to follow you and Jose. I will absolutely be praying that you feel led to a direction and for the Lord to to help you move forward leaning on him to ease your anxiety!
I’ve been there! It hurts!! PCOS, miscarriages, injections… I even had weight loss surgery to try and help. After 5 years, we gave up, filled out adoption papers, booked a Vegas trip for July…a wedding. 2 weeks after we booked the nonrefundable trip I was pregnant. 10 years later, I have 2 beautiful and healthy kids. My point is, stop “try” and just have FUN! If it’s God’s will, it will happen. I will be praying for you. You are not alone. ?
I was showing my mother my favorite Instagram (yours of course) the other night and told her about your infertility journey. We both stopped and prayed deeply for the two of you. I’m not sure how it really feels to know what you’re going through with infertility, but I do know what anxiety and depression is like.. please don’t be scared to reach out. This sounds silly but even if you just want to email a stranger to vent or cry, you can reach out to me. All of our hugs and prayers to y’all❤️
Hi Liz,
You are so brave for sharing your story. I have not experienced infertility myself, but have been a gestational surrogate twice and have seen the pain and suffering it causes. I follow a keto diet and have heard of many fellow women who also follow with PCOS who have miraculously gotten pregnant. You and Jose are in my prayers!
Sweet Liz, thank you for sharing your journey so openly. Be kind to yourself – you are not a failure in any way, shape or form. Give yourself some grace – it’s fine to take a break and regroup, refocus and get your bearings. Sometimes it’s hard to understand the road that we’re on, and where it’s taking us – keep the faith.
Sweet Liz!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with such grace and vulnerability. You have quickly become a favorite of mine, I love seeing what you and Jose are up to on a daily basis.
Can I just say, be kind to yourself. You have been through so much and it is more than okay for you both to take a break, to rest and to restore. I believe with all my heart that Jesus has walked through every season with you and has weeped with you, held you, smiled on you, been proud of you and has deeply loved you. He has not spent one minute disappointed with you, and never spent a second waiting on you to get it together. He is the God of all seasons after all, He created them. 🙂
This was the message (https://churchome.org/message/take-me-outside) our pastor preached last week at our church and I think it will bless both you and Jose. I know it had a huge impact in our community, and on me personally. Waiting on a dream, hoping for a better future in the face of unbearable delays and disappointments can be paralyzing. But God…that is my favorite line in scripture! But God…has a plan, He has a purpose, He is working even when it seems as though He is no where near. This message by my pastor had God reminding me that He wants me to dream that dream again. To trust, to be bold, to jump!
Sweet Liz, you are NO QUITTER and NO FAILER! You are perfect! He made you in His image and He is crazy about you! He couldn’t love you more! He ‘so loved’ us that He gave His very Son for each of us. And He is SO LOVING you and Jose right now!
I want to encourage you to see yourselves the way HE sees you both! Beautiful, perfect, proud!
xoxox
I know two women with similar stories. One of my friends had already adopted two babies and was in her early 40s before going to a chiropractor for infertility and becoming pregnant because one of our friends had success getting pregnant after two failed investor treatments. My prayers are with you. You are so strong and so precious. Please, please be kind to yourself!!!! You don’t deserve to be beaten up over infertility!!!
I am praying for you and your husband. This year 2018 God is going to open the door to the blessings we have been waiting for. God is about to reveal His goodness , just start praising Him for your child. We are all in agreement that it will happen soon!!
My husband and I have walked a very similar path! He is in not he military and Infound your blog years ago when you weren’t living in North Carolina I believe. Your faith has always been inspiring to me because I have struggled with that component for years now. I can’t understand how or why this is God’s plan for us, but so many other family and friends are on their 3rd or 4th child… and most of them started trying after us…. or didn’t try at all lol! But, over the years I have witnessed friends and family experience their own challenges, trials and hardships and I am instantly reminded that we will all face adversity, and HE is there to get us through it. Your blog posts iterate almost exactly how I am feeling and you read express it so beautifully and so genuine. Thank you for being so open about this process because it is not easy to be so vulnerable (at least for me), but I can’t tell you how much strength it gives! You and Jose seem like an incredible couple. Thanks for sharing your heart ❤️ XOXO
Wow! My phone went crazy on the last comment and I didn’t proof read it I guess. Let me try that one again lol…
***My husband and I have walked a very similar path! He is in the military and I found your blog years ago when you were living in North Carolina I believe. We have also taken the last two years off and it has been what we needed but also very discouraging. I also have had feelings of doubt and I have questioned if I have done enough. Tried hard enough. But the thought of having another miscarriage feels almost unbearable. Your faith has always been inspiring to me because I have struggled with that component for years now. I can’t understand how or why this is God’s plan for us, when so many other family and friends are on their 3rd or 4th child… and most of them started trying after us…. or didn’t try at all lol! But, over the years I have witnessed those same friends and family members experience their own challenges, trials and hardships and I am instantly reminded that we will all face adversity, and HE is there to get us through it. Your blog posts iterate almost exactly how I am feeling and you express it so beautifully and so genuine. Thank you for being so open about this process because it is not an easy thing to do!
May God richly bless you and wave His arm of healing over your body, mind, soul and spirit.
My husband and I were on our fertility journey for 11 years before God blessed us with our miracle. It is isolating and depressing, but know that so many of us have been there or are in the struggle with you. Please be kind to yourself, and give yourself grace. It is ok to be angry and sad. It is your mind’s way of allowing you to process the loss of your babies, and feeling like it is your body’s fault. I felt all of those for a very long time. I would barricade myself in my house for a week near Mother’s Day. I swear that nothing was worse than seeing the Mother’s get roses at church that morning. I stopped going to all baby showers. I would have something shipped, but I couldn’t go in person any more. All of those are ok. That is giving yourself grace. For me, I prayed for surrender. That I could lay my burden at HIS feet, and actually do it. I clung to the idea that faith isn’t knowing that God can, it is knowing that HE will! It was this idea that I finally found peace with my pain. I knew that God wanted me to be a mother, and that he would reveal to me in HIS time, how that would happen. I didn’t know If he would put a child in need of adoption in my path, or if I would have a child on my own. After 11 years,
I was done with treatments, but my husband asked me to try one last time. The whole time I prayed for one child if it was HIS will. My doctor told me on a day three embryos transfer, that I had a very slim chance. However, God is greater than all of this. I got pregnant with my son, and I believed that he placed the right doctors in my path that allowed me to carry him to term. My heart hurts for you and is praying fervently that God answers your prayers, in whichever shape that takes. I pray that you allow yourself more grace and that you find peace through your pain.
I was exactly in your place a few years ago. I had to come to the place where I could say straight up to God, “ALL I NEED IS YOU”. When that was true, he gave us our precious daughter. It was so easy to make an idol out of the desire for a successful pregnancy! I pray that He gives you the desires of your heart. Thank you for sharing.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers. ??
I too struggled, and after months of planned adjustments to realign my hips and spine, we are nearly 8 weeks pregnant! I highly reccomend chiropractic care as well as acupressure and acupuncture!
Hi Liz, I haven’t been following you long and don’t really know the whole story. I also don’t know if you will even read this, but I’ll give it a try. I was wondering if you have ever been tested for Hughes Syndrome? It’s a disorder of the blood and does cause miscarriages! Best of luck to you in the future.
Hey Liz,
I’d like to share what worked for me. I didn’t see this blog Tomakeamommy.com when I was TTC but I did almost everything this blogger did to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. I really like her blog and I thought by sharing this it might help you too.
It’s pretty much changing your diet to
– no gluten, dairy, refined carbs, soy, sugar, coffee, alcohol, limited starchy veggies. Eat mostly organic.
-Taking supplements like wheat grass, coq10, selenium, pycnogenol, Omega 3, vitamin d, prenatal, myoinositol
– Weekly acupuncture
-Yoga (no hot yoga) more restorative yoga
-Daily meditation
-Prayer
I know it’s hard to have such a strict diet like that. In the beginning it was hard to keep up with it but within a few weeks I didn’t think anything of it. I followed my diet and was able to get pregnant after 4 months. I have you in my thoughts that you too will soon have a beautiful and healthy pregnancy. Xoxo
“It was by faith that even Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and was too old.” Hebrews 11:11a (NLT)
Amen.
Hi Liz,
Your journey is heart breaking, but you aren’t alone in this! Have you and Jose considered being a foster care parent instead? I have many friends that went that route and some have even chosen to adopt the children that they fostered. There are so many children in our foster care system that you both seem like you would make great foster parents. The certification process and placement is also faster than the adoption process. They pretty much walk you through the process and what the expectation are. I know that a lot of people are hesitant to become parents to children from such broken homes, and it isn’t easy, but it is one of the most rewarding experiences! If you are curious you can also ask to be a relief family for parents that need a break on the weekends.
Just remember that a lot of women are in your shoes. It sucks. It hurts. But you aren’t alone! God has a plan, and its when we stop trying to force our way that his way is revealed.
Praying for you Liz! Thank you for being honest. I’ve lost two babies to miscarriage and it’s difficult to want to try again. I’m afraid of the physical & emotional pain. And I do think that sometimes it’s life-giving to allow ourselves to rest and heal. I’m so sorry you are going through this and I’m lifting you and Jose up to Jesus today. Prayers for clear direction and peace! Thank you for helping us to feel like we are not alone!
Liz Marie…this post resonated with me & my husband…we too are in a middle season. I wanted to share this excerpt from Pema Chodron that has helped us in our journey, “We are told about the pain of chasing after pleasure and the futility of running from pain. We hear also about the joy of awakening, of realizing our interconnectedness, of trusting the openness of our hearts and minds. But we aren’t told all that much about this state of being in-between, no longer able to get our old comfort from the outside but not yet dwelling in a continual sense of equanimity and warmth.
Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state. It’s the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than buy into struggle and complaint. The challenge is to let it soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously. By not knowing, not hoping to know, and not acting like we know what’s happening, we begin to access our inner strength.
Yet, it seems reasonable to want some kind of relief. If we can make the situation right or wrong, if we can pin it down in any way, then we are on familiar ground. But something has shaken up our habitual patterns and frequently they no longer work. Staying with volatile energy gradually becomes more comfortable than acting out or repressing it. This open-ended tender place is called bodhichitta. Staying with it is what heals. It allows us to let go of our self-importance. It’s how the warrior learns to love”.
(From The Places That Scare You)
Liz, I love that your are letting God have this… He cares about your dreams and he loves you so much! He will carry you when it hurts too much to walk one more step and I know He has a child for you and Jose. Whether through adoption or conception I know He will intrust a beautiful child into your care, because He promises: Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22
I read this blog today for the first time. I too know the struggles of infertility. Although I haven’t been diagnosed with PCOS they have said its possible otherwise there’s no real reason why. Today I texted my husband how much I hate my period for how it reminds me every month of the miscarriages and failures of not having a baby. On a better note, I have started the keto diet (now almost 3 weeks in) after a friend told me to look into diets and look into “Golden milk.” I’m feeling better with it and proactive. I think I will try the acupuncture and the chiropractor after reading the comments. Best of luck to you, Liz, & your husband and thank you for sharing.
It took me five years to get pregnant. It turned out I had a small uterine septum. I had surgery to remove it and I was able to get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy within three months after the surgery. I am just letting you know so that it is something you can be tested for as it is pretty uncommon.
Hi Liz, first time posting here and forgive me if this has been suggested or said before. But have you considered IVF? My daughter had three miscarriages and in the last one, she lost one of her tubes and the other one is scar. So she started the IVF process, she was extremely scare and had many reservations, but decided to give it a go. I won’t go into details but she had first embryo transfer, was unsuccessful which happens and now she is going for the second round, hopefully this time she will get pregnant, hoping and praying for her. I was wondering if that could work for you? As with ivf embryo it’s transfer straight into uterus! Much love xx
You may have already looked into this and or tried it but i wanted to share my two cents in case you haven’t and in case it could help you. MTHFR is a gene mutation that more than 60% of the population has and it involves an inability to metabolize folic acid, which is crucial for maintaining a pregnancy. So with that said, its super important to take methylated folate instead.MTHFR is esp known for recurrent miscarriages so its worth looking into if you haven’t already. Also inositol powder is amazing for PCOS and maintaining healthy ovaries and eggs. Again, sorry if this is old news to you and you’ve already tried it but i had to share. Good luck! xo