Oh my! I was getting read this morning and I was hearing Cope talk to himself in the crib & I found myself taking a deep breath of relief. It was something that I can’t explain, but it was like when I heard his little sweet voice all was right in the world & it was almost like the first deep breath that I had taken since we started the adoption process… A HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. That got me thinking of all of the fears I had before we started the adoption process & how I should have never worried about these things. BEFORE you read this know that this was our adoption story experience & what we went through… I can’t speak for anyone elses journey or our future journeys. Every adoption journey is so different, so know that these apply to our journey and my feelings. Here are five things I wish I never worried about before adopting…
-I wish I knew that I would connect with our baby right away.
My biggest fear when making the decision to adopt to grow our family was the worry that I would not bond with our baby right away because I did not give birth to him. I wish I had never worried about this because this was one of the fears that held me back from starting the adoption journey sooner. From the instant Cope came into the world I was instantly bonded to him… I can’t explain it & I will in a future post when I talk about his full birth story, but the bond was instantly there & I can’t speak to everyone’s story, but it is one fear I wish I never had.
-I wish I knew that the birth mom made a lot of the decisions.
This one may seem weird… but this is what I mean: I worried about so much before we started the process. Would the birth mom want us at the hospital? Would she let us know she was in labor? Would we be in the room when our baby was born? Would he/she come home with us right away? Would our baby have our name from birth? & on & on & on… Guess what? I didn’t need to worry about these things because they were not in our control & once I learned that those fears started to melt away. It was less for me to think about & less for me to play & worry about. The birth mom makes all of these choices. Early in our adoption journey someone said, “The pregnancy & the hospital stay is the birth mom’s time.” After hearing this in one of our adoption classes it truly made it all clear to me.. I didn’t need to worry about any of the birth plans, the hospital stay plans, or any of the other plans because that was her time & not mine. It all the sudden gave me a mission and the fears went away. I wanted to be strong for her & I wanted to make her delivery and her stay at the hospital everything that she wanted. It helped so much knowing that it wasn’t about me or my fears.
– I wish that I knew how accepting our families would be.
You know when you worry about something for so long & then after the thing that you worried about happens you realize there was nothing to worry about? Yah, that was this moment. Even after Cope was born before he met any of our family I worried that our parents & families wouldn’t bond with him. Just typing that seems silly now because of how loved Cope is by our family, but I’m being honest here… & it was a worry of mine. Little did I know how obsessed our families would be with Cope. Little did I know how instantly bonded everyone would be to Cope just like we were. Little did I know that I never had to worry about anyone in our life not being excited about our decision to adopt. This is something I could have talked to our families about prior to adopting, but the proof is in the true unconditional love they have for Cope.
-I wish I never worried about being selected.
This is a big one. Even though in my life God proves to me daily that His plan is so much better than mine & that He always provides for us… I still worried about not being selected by birth parents to adopt. Little did I know that we would be selected before we even signed with an agency… that is all God. I’m not saying that this worry wasn’t valid, but what our journey has taught me is that God knows what baby is “ours” and if it is meant to be it will be… God knows the desires of our heart & He will provide. I can’t wait to share how we were found and how amazing Cope’s birth mom is.. but just know that I regret ever worrying about this.
-I wish I never worried about having a relationship with the birth mom.
I have to admit that before we started the adoption process Jose and I always thought that we wanted a “closed” adoption. I’m not saying this like that’s a bad thing, because sometimes that’s the best choice. I’m saying this because it’s just crazy how much our minds & hearts have been changed through our whole adoption process. I worried that I wouldn’t connect with the birth mom, that we wouldn’t be able to connect over this experience, that we would be so different.. but we are exactly the same & I love her so so so much.. I wish I would have not worried. We love that we chose open adoption, we love that Cope’s birth mom chose to be open, & we are so grateful for that decision in this adoption story of ours & the role that it plays for us.
I hope by sharing these & more of our adoption journey it helps some of you who are considering adoption or just want to understand more about adoption. You can see more of our adoption experience [HERE]. The photos that I used in this post are from Mother’s Day weekend this past weekend that Jose took in Holland, Michigan at a tulip farm. I will treasure these photos forever of Cope & I.. I spent a lot of time staring at them today & just being thankful for adoption and our little man. Love you all & thank you for stopping by today! xx