Oh my! I was getting read this morning and I was hearing Cope talk to himself in the crib & I found myself taking a deep breath of relief. It was something that I can’t explain, but it was like when I heard his little sweet voice all was right in the world & it was almost like the first deep breath that I had taken since we started the adoption process… A HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. That got me thinking of all of the fears I had before we started the adoption process & how I should have never worried about these things. BEFORE you read this know that this was our adoption story experience & what we went through… I can’t speak for anyone elses journey or our future journeys. Every adoption journey is so different, so know that these apply to our journey and my feelings. Here are five things I wish I never worried about before adopting…
-I wish I knew that I would connect with our baby right away.
My biggest fear when making the decision to adopt to grow our family was the worry that I would not bond with our baby right away because I did not give birth to him. I wish I had never worried about this because this was one of the fears that held me back from starting the adoption journey sooner. From the instant Cope came into the world I was instantly bonded to him… I can’t explain it & I will in a future post when I talk about his full birth story, but the bond was instantly there & I can’t speak to everyone’s story, but it is one fear I wish I never had.
-I wish I knew that the birth mom made a lot of the decisions.
This one may seem weird… but this is what I mean: I worried about so much before we started the process. Would the birth mom want us at the hospital? Would she let us know she was in labor? Would we be in the room when our baby was born? Would he/she come home with us right away? Would our baby have our name from birth? & on & on & on… Guess what? I didn’t need to worry about these things because they were not in our control & once I learned that those fears started to melt away. It was less for me to think about & less for me to play & worry about. The birth mom makes all of these choices. Early in our adoption journey someone said, “The pregnancy & the hospital stay is the birth mom’s time.” After hearing this in one of our adoption classes it truly made it all clear to me.. I didn’t need to worry about any of the birth plans, the hospital stay plans, or any of the other plans because that was her time & not mine. It all the sudden gave me a mission and the fears went away. I wanted to be strong for her & I wanted to make her delivery and her stay at the hospital everything that she wanted. It helped so much knowing that it wasn’t about me or my fears.
– I wish that I knew how accepting our families would be.
You know when you worry about something for so long & then after the thing that you worried about happens you realize there was nothing to worry about? Yah, that was this moment. Even after Cope was born before he met any of our family I worried that our parents & families wouldn’t bond with him. Just typing that seems silly now because of how loved Cope is by our family, but I’m being honest here… & it was a worry of mine. Little did I know how obsessed our families would be with Cope. Little did I know how instantly bonded everyone would be to Cope just like we were. Little did I know that I never had to worry about anyone in our life not being excited about our decision to adopt. This is something I could have talked to our families about prior to adopting, but the proof is in the true unconditional love they have for Cope.
-I wish I never worried about being selected.
This is a big one. Even though in my life God proves to me daily that His plan is so much better than mine & that He always provides for us… I still worried about not being selected by birth parents to adopt. Little did I know that we would be selected before we even signed with an agency… that is all God. I’m not saying that this worry wasn’t valid, but what our journey has taught me is that God knows what baby is “ours” and if it is meant to be it will be… God knows the desires of our heart & He will provide. I can’t wait to share how we were found and how amazing Cope’s birth mom is.. but just know that I regret ever worrying about this.
-I wish I never worried about having a relationship with the birth mom.
I have to admit that before we started the adoption process Jose and I always thought that we wanted a “closed” adoption. I’m not saying this like that’s a bad thing, because sometimes that’s the best choice. I’m saying this because it’s just crazy how much our minds & hearts have been changed through our whole adoption process. I worried that I wouldn’t connect with the birth mom, that we wouldn’t be able to connect over this experience, that we would be so different.. but we are exactly the same & I love her so so so much.. I wish I would have not worried. We love that we chose open adoption, we love that Cope’s birth mom chose to be open, & we are so grateful for that decision in this adoption story of ours & the role that it plays for us.
I hope by sharing these & more of our adoption journey it helps some of you who are considering adoption or just want to understand more about adoption. You can see more of our adoption experience [HERE]. The photos that I used in this post are from Mother’s Day weekend this past weekend that Jose took in Holland, Michigan at a tulip farm. I will treasure these photos forever of Cope & I.. I spent a lot of time staring at them today & just being thankful for adoption and our little man. Love you all & thank you for stopping by today! xx
Hi Liz. I loved that it’s such a beautiful story. I’m so happy for you and Jose and Cope. Having children to me is the greatest gift I have received. Thanks for sharing
This story and your journey is so beautiful. I find inspiration in faith and always believing that things will work out the way they are meant to be. I am so glad that you had a great mothers day, these photos are such a treasure:)
Janice Grieser says
I loved your “I wishes”. After waiting over a Year and half for our daughter and son in law to be selected as parents the time finally came. They were selected 2 weeks before she was born. My daughter also was there for the birth and was able to take her home from the hospital. Adoption is beautiful but this past week has been a tearful one because the baby daddy was having second thoughts. This baby girl is truly loved. We have waited many years for our family to grow and now the time has finally come.
You have a way with words!!! All valid wishes but I think because of your journey you are stronger so although you focused on these things and they turned out to be no big deal, there was a lesson! Being a mom you’ll find you worry more and more like when you fly for the first time then realize it’s all good and the babe sleeps the whole time!! Thanks for continuing to share your journey and I’m sure by doing so you are inspiring or helping someone. Your honesty and positivity is amazing!!
I’ve solved reading this Liz!
Thank you for sharing ? I have a few cousins and a little niece who are adopted and we just cherish these kids SO very much! Adoption is something very near and dear to my heart.
And what a beautiful place to visit! WOW! I’ve been to the Nederlands and this is sure as close to it in the US?
God is good all the time ?
Liz your story is so beautiful and touching. It fills me with joy to see you and Cope together and the photos of you two are absolutely beautiful! Such real emotion on your face and it is just wonderful to see you at peace <3
I am happy for you and Jose. You have told a beautiful story and it is just beginning. There is nothing like holding and loving a baby and watching him or her grow. There are heartaches and trials but God will be with you.
Thank you and God Bless all of you.
Darleene Moore says
I cried through this letter and your adoption process. Your little boy is going to have the best life and your heart warming experience and letter to Cope birth mom will be something I believe she will cherish. God is good. Happy Mother’s day every day
You look so pretty in these photos…you look complete. 🙂
I have not ever adopted and have my own children, but have always had those questions regardless adoption so glad you answered them. I believe God has his plan for us and your story is a perfect example. Hugs and kisses to that sweet one.
Deborah Costa says
Liz, YOU give me hope. I love that through all of your struggles you believe in God’s grace and use Him to lift you up. I’m struggling and starting to slowly look into the adoption process. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️