Oh man. I’m about to get super personal with ya’ll so if you don’t liker personal then today’s blog post is not for you, but I have plenty more not so personal posts for you to see [here] if you would like. Ok, for those of you who stayed I wanted to update you on our fertility journey. You see, I usually come on here and talk about our fertility only when we miscarry or on special occasions. But ever since we opened the store up about 6 weeks ago I have met SO MANY blog readers from out of state & locally & I realized the one thing they want to talk about is our miscarriages & our fertility. Yes, we talk about home decor & all things DIY, but it’s mainly our fertility. That got me thinking. I realized I keep a lot of things private & it’s not for any particular reason other than I don’t want to bore you with the details of that part of my life. But our fertility journey isn’t just our miscarriages. It’s the feelings, the doctor visits, the tests, & right now it’s the “break”. That’s what we are on right now & have been since last August. After losing our 6th baby God put a lot in front of us. He does every time we lose a child. After every miscarriage God puts amazing things in our path & awesome opportunities. Every time I feel like it proves that God has us where He wants us & He is showing us that it’s His plan, not ours.
That is one reason for this 7 month break we have been on. Another reason is we realized we just wanted a break. We wanted time together. I know, I know we have been married 8 years going on 9, but we can’t get enough of it. We love our time together & sometimes it’s scary that someday it will no longer be us two. We decided to really enjoy this time with a purpose & not focus on anything to do with our fertility or getting pregnant during this time. It honestly has been so care-free. After losing 6 babies in 4 years, it has felt so good to not have that pressure or anxiety. That is another thing I need to talk about on here that I don’t see anyone sharing much about. The anxiety after loss, the anxiety when you get pregnant again. To me, it’s crippling & something that I want to share at a later date. For those with anxiety during pregnancy, you are not alone. But really these 7 months since saying goodbye to our 6th little angel have been a breath of air that we needed. & now with the new store it’s been kind of a newborn for us for a lack of better words. It takes up all our time, we have to watch it closely, & we don’t sleep. But we are happy & so excited for this new adventure we are on.
Reason 3? This is the main one. The one that gets kind of tricky. You see we have got EVERY test under the sun done for our fertility & why we have had 6 miscarriages. We have tried baby aspirin, progesterone, folic acid, & on & on & on. Technically we are both “text book” perfect & should be able to carry a child besides my PCOS which you can read about [here]. But of course 6 miscarriages with no successful pregnancy is alarming. So after trying everything with no success we have reached a weird pivotal point where the only thing left to try are some pretty rare & controversial things. One theory for all our losses is that my immune system is attacking our babies & my body is viewing them as a foreign object. That is a really sad thought to me, my body rejecting our children makes me feel like I have let down our 6 babies & that I’m not a good mother. Why would my body do that? BUT there is a way to help this. I don’t know all the technical terms, & I am planning to do a whole separate blog post on all the tests & things we have had done so maybe that will help others [stay tuned for that coming soon]. Anyways, basically in very dumbed down terms from what I understand is there is a treatment that they can give me that will shut my immune system off & tell my body to not attack our pregnancy. This is complete with transfusions throughout the pregnancy & very timed things while being closely monitored. Sounds scary. The weird part is that I will not actually be tested for this condition before getting the treatment which is something that is normal for this actually. There are only two places in the US that do this testing I believe & both of those places are a plane ride away. So, this will be a trial thing to see if it works for us. But, we are reaching the end of the line as far as testing & methods to carry a baby. But are we? Medically the doctors say that, but ultimately I know it’s up to Him, my Father, when we carry a baby to term & have our little miracle here on earth. Not my will, not the doctors will, but His.
So that is where are at right now. On a break. We get so many comments, messages, emails, & people in person who say they are praying & I cry every time. They are all happy tears because I want you to know that I am not sad that we are on this journey. This is something handed to us by God & it has made me stronger, our marriage stronger, & presented so many amazing life changes that would not have happened without this journey. I am thankful for it all. They are happy tears because to know that someone cares & empathizes with our struggles & is something that I can never say thank-you enough for. This month of opening the shop I have had blog readers from Ohio, Chicago, Tennessee, North Carolina, Wisconsin, Missouri, Texas & beyond come to the shop & tell me there loss stories, tell me that they are praying for us, & each time it shocks me how people love us & our babies enough to fit us in their prayers. Of course seeing the daily emails & messages is already amazing, but to meet people in person who have followed our journey has been eye opening & has really inspired me to be more open than we already have been about this fertility journey we are on. We are so grateful & it truly makes me thankful that I started sharing this journey here on the blog after our first miscarriage 4 years ago because it has brought some amazing people into our lives, made me realize we are not alone, & it has been a form of therapy sharing our journey. Thank you guys for being so supportive of us. We love you! I will be back with many more updates on this journey & not just our losses. Thank you to for stopping by the blog today & for sharing it with your friends & family, it means a lot! xx
Read more about our fertility journey:
Our second & third babies. [here]
Sending lots of love your way Liz!
I only found your blog a few months ago (thanks Pinterest) as I realized a majority of my “House Updates” pin came from your blog. I now feel as though I “visit” with you each and every week and look forward to out “chats”. You are very honest and communicate with such an open heart and I know God is very present in your life journey. I won’t say all the things you already seem to know, but I will say, know that you are helping other women and couples deal with this very painful issue. If anyone has cause to feel bitter it is you my dear. But instead you choose to focus on gratefulness and hope. I will pray for you and your husband that your journey in this will continue to be surrounded in His light and love. Blessings and more blessings my dear!
Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story, Liz. I’ve never struggled with miscarriage or infertility but still reading about your journey is a much-needed reminder to not take my own life for granted. I get carried away with big dreams and big tasks and every now and then, even though I hate to admit it, I find myself with a glimmering bit of resentment of being a parent and it all feels impossible with a little one always in tow. Our house is always chaos, there’s no such thing as a quiet dinner, and somehow there’s never enough sleep to go around. I guess what I’m trying to say it we never really know the full story, and had you not shared your journey, I would have never known about your own struggles. It’s just proof to me that we’re all fighting hard battles, that we should always look out for our neighbors, and we’re all in this thing called life together making it the best we can. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your faith, Liz. I’m always hoping and praying for good news for you guys. Big hugs!
I can completely relate….the good news is, your journey appears to have made your marriage and bond stronger….in many cases, such as mine, infertility and loss can take a bad toll on a marriage. Thanks for sharing your story and taking away the stigma by doing so. Muah!
You are always in my thoughts and prayers friend.
Hi Liz,
I hope you received my email last week regarding lupus trait and recurrent miscarriage, but in case you didn’t, here’s the link: https://www.drgaryslupustreatment.org/Blog/lupus-trait-2.html
Good luck and God Bless!
Liz,
this post is wonderful. I love the openness and honesty you’re revealing for all of us to see. God is truly doing amazing things with you! <3 God bless!!
Jenny.
Liz,
I stumbled upon your blog while looking at modern farmhouse inspiration for my oh so boring builder grade house, ugh…But I am also someone who suffers with PCOS and had a hard time becoming pregnant in my early 30’s. We finally were able to become pregnant with the help of Glucophlage (diabetes medicine) and now have two beautiful children. Anyhow, about 5 years ago, I decided to try a alternative diet protocol called Homeopathic HCG. It not only allowed me to lose weight, I also became pregnant at 40. I gave up on having a 3rd child years ago so this was quite a surprise for us. I mention this in hopes to inspire other PCOS sufferers to try it out. I truly believed it kept my PCOS at bay and changed my body for good. Good luck to you in your journey for your family!
Sandy
HI Liz
Like you I have had many miscarriages but we were successful with LIT treatment (which is what I think you are referring to) with twice daily injections of Warfarin. This was all new in the UK when we were going thru it and I was under the care of a DR Beer based in the states. Don’t get hung up on why your body rejects your babies – its because you and your husbands genes are so similar that you both make a baby that is not different enough for your immune system to recognise it as a baby so your immune system rejects it. Dr Beer has sadly passed away but his clinic is still going strong. We now have a beautiful 13 year old girl with hair the colour of my wedding ring! I know you have faith and you are an amazing woman.
Carole x
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience! When you say you’re starting to consider controversial options, are you referring to invitro or surrogacy? How do you feel about those options? I ask in a respectful manner and if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it I totally understand. Thank you for sharing once again!
I’m so sorry for the pain you endure but to be so positive and understanding of GOD”S plan is increbile <3 I can't see and understand why things happen or don't and am ever so grateful to believe in our God….
It’s your thyroid. Most likely you have Graves’ which is an autoimmune disease. The treatment to shut down your immune system is right in theory, but it will not address the cause. Save your money, go to an Endocrinologist or a Doctor of Osteopathy.
Have you been tried on BLODD THINNERS while pregnant.
Maybe some weird thing with umbilical cord hardening and you need blood thinners-Worked for a friend after mutiple miscarriages
Your hope and faith is inspiring. The sermon at my church this past Sunday was about having “functional faith” and you my dear have that. It is having faith that not only shows up on Sunday but faith that’s there for the hard battles on Monday. My mother had 4 miscarriages before she had me. My parents adopted my sister and 7 months later they were pregnant with me. God’s timing is perfect and so is His will. Keep praying and being faithful. God always answers our prayers. I will be praying for you and your family. God bless.
You are such a powerful testament of faith and trust in the Lord. I know you do not know me but I want you to know that you and your husband are in my thoughts and my prayers. Thank you for your honest and heartfelt posts about your fertility journey, your words have helped me get through some difficult times and have allowed me to have a different perspective on my own journey with PCOS. Please continue to have faith in the Lord. He has a plan for you. -Lindsey
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